Jessica Schab

Bali Blog Series

Bali Daze: Part 1 of the Bali series (Aug 2012 My first 3 weeks in Bali)

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Chapter 1: Culture Shock

There I was standing at the Bali airport getting my visa, talking with people in the line who had been here many times, such as the Australians of course, who have all this access to exotic countries close by. Then there were the weary Americans looking for their dreams to come true here at yet another resort and spiritual retreat.

As for me, as it happened, I had no plan and no idea of what I was going to do, but I often tend to leap before I look and it always ends up working out, somehow. No sooner did I announce I was going to Bali that a friend messaged me and said that I really should stay with her friend who was a former diplomat; he would take me in as long as needed. He had two teenage children living with him as well and they would show me around. Sure enough, when I wrote him, he welcomed me with opened arms, as he was a any-friend-of-theirs- is-a-friend-of-mine kind of guy. His daughter collected me at the airport and brought me to their place in Legion/Kuta area. I will never forget my first drive from the airport to their place; it was pure craziness and so different than any other place I had seen before. Their place I was brought to had a small cage in the entrance with two beautiful golden retrievers that were extremely sad because they never left that tiny cage. It was heart breaking and there was nothing I could do about it. Followed by other exotic animals in cages, I tried speaking to some locals on the way, but they did not understand what I was saying or pretended to not. My hosts did not really say much about it either; they would just change the subject, as if ‘yeah, let’s just pretend everything is fine, just be positive…’ Yeah, tell that to the caged animals, I’m sure they would appreciate that! Rather they would try to bite some sense into you.

The house in itself was quit dilapidated, not at all a home one would expect from a diplomat. There was a dirty pool, a messy house, an outdoor living room and kitchen, and a shared bathroom that belonged to the father. The bathroom door did not close that well. Inside it, there was a faucet that would not work and had only cold water. What if I had to go in the middle of night? Surely, I would disturb him, as I have a very inconvenient inconsiderate bladder. What if he had a girl over and I have to use the bathroom late at night? That may be awkward. I can just imagine ‘Uh, hi! It’s just me. I need to pee. You can go back to your kissing and such’. My room was something like a tree house, with the most uncomfortable bed imaginable. I’m no Princess and the Pea; ok, maybe the other pee, but let me tell you that bed was very bad. I have slept in strange places: homemade beds and boxes and crates, cars, streets, floors. I can even sleep upside down if need be. I never have problems sleeping but this bed had me wake-up with my back being sad. Never mind the bugs that claimed real estate in my bed. Not to mention the sound of pigs being tortured. Apparently, I arrived in Bali around the time where the locals have strange holidays in which they boil a pig alive, and for hours you can hear the poor thing screaming in anguish till it’s dead. Then, there was the kids or teens seeming to not respect the father and treating him like a cash machine. My whole time there, all I heard from the kids was pretty much “dad, I need money for this or that”. I felt very uneasy and out of place there but I was not sure if I was being picky. It’s not like I had any other options; beggars can’t be choosers after all. So I stuck it out for a few more days, walked around, tried to get my bearings, but the rush and noise of bikes and confusion was overwhelming. I asked to be dropped off at the beach as there was no internet at the house I was staying at, nor could a decent Wi-Fi connection be found anywhere near by. I thought I could find a restaurant at the beach that had a good Internet connection, as I was having more and more reserves about staying here. But were could I go? I would have to look for something online. I did not know anyone. Nor did I know the language. I did not know the area, the money, the food, the pace; everything was dizzying and complex for me. The beach was not any better. It was full of party people looking to get messed up. There were people everywhere and every five seconds someone was trying to sell you something. I felt very lonely and lost there, like never before. I felt scrambled, confused and nervous in this setting. I saw animal cruelty everywhere. That day, some baby pups were wandering blindly to the road. I knew that no car would stop for them, so absent mindedly of me, I threw myself in front of a car. Good thing the driver stopped. At least, I managed to rescue the pups. I got them safely on the sidewalk to see the mother foaming at the mouth, angry that I had touched and maybe harmed her babies. She started to growl and chase me until I stopped running, turned around, faced her and said to her telepathically: “Feel me and my intentions. I meant no harm, but I do not blame you for feeling this way about me. I look human, smell human, and they all treated you bad.” I can’t blame the dogs here for being racist to humans, thinking we are all the same. She seemed to understand, stopped running towards me and let me be, just like what happened in Malaysia with the monkeys about to attack me, and Mr. Trekky did a similar thing to get them to leave me alone. Communication is everything! But that experience did scramble me even more. For the first time, I had doubt in my decisions and myself, and was trying to figure out: “What the heck am I doing?! Why am I in Bali? I do not like it here at all. I will only stay here for as long as I need to, and then I’m getting out of this topsy turvy place pronto. Perhaps I was lucky when I traveled. How easy would it be if no one knew me? Well, I’m experiencing something like that, as I do not know anyone in Bali and no one knows me here. I’m on my own.

I did manage to find some Internet places, however they were at super ex- pensive commercial restaurants. I starting asking my Facebook friends for help, but no one knew anyone here. So I started to resort to Couchsurfing. I wrote so many people! Some party people wrote me back but I felt strongly in my intuition that it would not be wise to stay with them. I needed a location to go first; then I could focus more on people to stay with. Yet, I could not afford to be choosy. Fortunately for me, Malaysia and Australia was good to me, with clients that I was able to have some money from to float on. Some friends said “Jess, maybe Ubud would be the best place for you. It’s more spiritual and laid back; not as busy as Legion/Kuta area.”

Getting back from the beach to the place was staying at was very tricky, as so many taxi drivers bombarded me, and I had to have my wits about me to pick an honest one. All of them said they knew the address but I soon found out that that was a lie; they had no idea where it was and kept getting lost, stopping every 5 seconds, I swear, to ask people for directions. I was beginning to doubt if any of these people were actually taxi drivers or if they just go down to the beach with their bike saying “Taxi, taxi!”, good grief. Eventually, somehow, they found the place. Oh yeah, I recall now, I recognized the area and guided him back. I had made-up my mind at that point: I’m going to Ubud. So when I got back I told the family I was staying with: “Thank you for letting me stay with you, but I must get going now to Ubud.” A taxi driver collected me and we did the long drive out to Ubud. I had no idea what to pay the driver, as I was still confused with the money there, so I think I overpaid him by $10.00, as he played it like he did not understand, as usual… Gosh, how many clueless tourists did they rip off, I wondered…


Chapter 2: Ubud

Ubud was so strange to me. First, I was dropped off on Monkey Forest Road. I walked up and down with my heavy bags, all by myself seeing lovers, holding hands and dreadlocks snobby hippies looking at me as if I was an odd sight to behold. I felt alone. This was a rare thing for me. I’m not used to feeling alone or lonely. It was clear that I was new and did not have a clue, but no one helped me. They just stared at me and turned up their noses when I made eye contact. I walked back and forth, I’m not sure how many times. I asked about places to stay that had Internet. It was pricey there, and to get Internet, it costs even more. After a while, I gave up and just settled at a place that had Internet only out in the front where it was noisy. I stayed out there as much as I could… now that I had a location in Ubud, I could try my luck at Couchsurfing again. It was not easy because the Internet was super slow and would randomly go off for hours. I only wrote girls and none of them wrote me back. So I finally decided to consider the guys, there was one particular strange guy, dressed all in black, with jet black hair spiked up like a porcupine and some kind of eye discoloration with Photoshop to look like some kind of a monster with yellow eyes. I decided to skip him and see who else was here, but his picture kept popping up on the feed like standing out. Yet, he was too strange looking to me, I was not sure what to make of him and I was already too nervous and vulnerable as is. How was I ever going to come through and set up a workshop out here? And to top it off, my friend Eo would be out here soon and I did not know where he will stay or what he would do. I promised his mom I would look after him, that I would have a place for him, so I was responsible. I could not put him in this mess. This was his first travel experience, as he had never left his country before. So big sis had to look out for him. He looked up to me, I could not let him down.

I was feeling so blue, trying to figure out what to do, trying to figure out my life. What am I doing? Where is it all leading? Bali is beautiful but in exploring the spirituality thing here, it’s a very refined competitive cutthroat market; you have to be aggressive if you want to play the game. This was not appealing to me at all. I didn’t want to have to feel like I needed to compete, nor did I really want to sell spirituality or certificates. It’s not what I am about. It seems like spirituality is a quick fix that is not fully satisfying. Maybe because the roots of the problems are not addressed or the teacher does not walk the talk. I don’t know but I do not want to sell this, or be around people like that; people who act like their farts don’t stink make me uncomfortable. What do I do? I do not like doing this or feeling like I am coming off some spiritual making machine. It’s like pretty girls; they are a dime a dozen. So it is with spiritual workshops; they are a dime a dozen. This is what concerned me about doing workshops to begin with, and why I never wanted to do it. Though I was always asked, it kept coming up. I finally said ok to it, as it was an option for me to get by while I traveled and figured myself out. Is this what I’m meant to do? This kind of spirituality? Am I meant to be like those here? Or is it a stepping-stone to something else?

I just want you all to know that I am only blue when I don’t share with all of you, once I am aware of the emotion and have identified why it’s there and let all of you know, then I am at peace with it and feel instantly better. All your emails and comments help me so much that I can’t stay in that emotion, it only stays if I keep it to myself. This is the power and healing that comes from sharing and why I share no matter what; even if it’s cryptic, I still technically share it. Then, we all relate/identify and connect, and build our relationship on an even deeper level. So thank you for helping me and others, to all work on our healing at the same time.


Chapter 3: From Rags to Riches (Which is Actual Poverty!?)

I woke up the next day with a second wind, a determination to make some headway with my situation. So I decided to go back on the Couchsurfing website, contact the guys this time and write them all. Shortly after, that strange guy in black showed up on the screen again and again. Was it a glitch on the site or a glitch in my memory of some foreshadowing? I looked at his profile but he was too strange! No way, I said to myself. So I wrote all the guys but him, and none of them wrote me back. I heard a kitten crying and I saw a local man holding a kitten looked. It could only be a few weeks old. It must have just recently opened its eyes and the man, in a cruel way, was squeezing it to death. In desperation, I tried to get him to stop. I begged him and even offered him money but he just laughed and walked away to kill the poor defenseless kitten. I was even more out of sorts and desperate, and only felt more defeated. Damn it! I hate feeling helpless. I finally gave in and wrote the strange looking guy and he wrote back right away, as if he was waiting for me (I found out later that he was and that he knew I would contact him). But right at that time, to my surprise, a man pulled up in a motorbike and said: “Jessica Mystic! Get your bags, I’ve come to rescue you.” It turns out in my desperation I had publicly disclosed the current location I was at on Facebook. I did not have time to write the strange guy to tell him not to come, as he was also on his way. I went with my rescuer only to find a few minutes later the strange guy in black also had come to rescue me, but I was already gone. I had stood him up. My first rescuer asked me if I had eaten and if I was hungry. I was famished. I had no idea what to eat out here. He asked me what my food preference was. I am lousy with making decisions when it comes to food or what I want for myself, so I said “something healthy”. So he took me to a fancy raw food restaurant. I could not have looked scruffier. I felt like a stray cat that was rescued from a major tide in the ocean. This rescuer, whose name is Sacha Stone, I will refer to as Wolf. He was in his late 40s but looked young, with long wavy brown hair and light white blue eyes, like a wolf. He dressed pretty fancy. He asked me all kinds of questions. I was so out of it, I did not even know how he had found me and what he was doing in Bali. How much he was aware of or how he knew me. He seemed to be doing well for himself, talking about the nice villa he had for me to stay in. After I asked, he said he knew me from my project Camelot interview (of course, that’s what I’m always known for). He was in Bali to do some projects, and became aware of me as he saw my cries for help on his Facebook feed. He had a real way with words, as we jumped spiritual topics of conversation. He seemed to understand it all so well and then some. I rarely meet people like that. He seemed to be very conscious and aware like some hidden benefactor, fully focused on the awakening of influential people. To what extent exactly would be revealed to me later. I was brought to his villa. At first, when he described it, I was thinking it would be like the first place I was at, with the diplomat. He made his place sound so wonderful. He was just saying the same things. Yet, his villa was truly stunning. It was tucked away in a small village, away from the busy commercial business areas, which I was grateful for. I was greeted by four dogs and five cats, all looked like they had a hard life. He had rescued them all, which gave him instant attractive points. The staff was helpful and took my bags to my room. I explored the place and it was just beautiful though there were no private showers. If I were to shower here, I would have to risk everyone seeing me. In further exploring the place, I saw it had a very nice clean pool surrounded by exotic flowered plants and I found three bright colored baby chicks. One was pink, another purple and the other blue. Wolf did not say they were dyed; he said they were born that way and that it was part of the exoticism of Bali. I believed him! Then, Wolf showed me his two monkeys that were also rescues and they really loved him. I watched as they competed for his attention and quickly got jealous if he gave one more attention than to the other. The monkeys were both girls and since I was new and they did not know me, it was not so easy for me to touch them. I wanted to have the same relationship with them. I would have to earn it, like Wolf had. It’s always been a dream of mine to have a monkey as a friend, to hold one and put my hands to theirs. I just had to get in their good graces. My room was now ready and I was looking forward to a good rest. It was a room for a princess with a huge white canopy with a net over the bed. There would be no bugs biting my ass tonight. It also had a huge balcony with an amazing view. I took a quick stealth shower with my swimsuit on and went to sleep at 1 pm with the thought: “the universe is taking care of me. Good to know. I was beginning to think I was losing my magic.”

Chapter 4: Wolf, the Alpha Male

The next day, I met a handsome young man from Scotland. He was an engineer and another handsome young man from South-America with a dread-locks beehive. He was a designer and architect, and both of them were about my age. Wolf stepped in and played the alpha male, acting like I was his girlfriend and these other workers that he was employing had to back off. These guys were about to go into a Powerpoint presentation meeting with Wolf, to further discuss the project they were working on and I was asked to join. The Powerpoint was most impressive; it was about eco-communities that were absolutely stunning and done in total natural energy and sacred geometry. All the houses and properties were designed to look like lotus flowers with dewdrops on them. It was very impressive. They seemed to know and talk about some big names that were already on board to back up the project; from famous actors, models, politicians, royalty, experts, to the who’s who of the spiritual racquet, such as Nassim Haramein. They had already started construction of one of the houses on Wolf’s property; money seemed to be no object. They were even willing to have people live there that had no money or very little, and had various ways for them to stay and contribute with their talents. Wolf even offered for me to move my family out here and live in one of these places that one dreams about and have only seen pictures of. So he did not seem to be about money or greed. My! How spiritual! How attractive! More points for him. Everything they talked about seemed to be beyond the beyond, the best of everything natural. Nothing was too out there in quantum technology and holistic healing foods. All the world’s problems were taken into account; all the possible issues that have plagued eco-communities were being thoroughly thought out in the most genius cutting edge ways. I do not even know how to begin to describe the things I saw and heard there. Wolf himself was a very fancy speaker. You could feel dumb instantly in his presence; the way he spoke, the speed of his comprehension, the huge complex educated words left you in the dust. I try not to use big fancy words, but I do speak sometimes of complex things acting like they are so simple anybody can understand. Yet, everything he said would always come back to the quantum human heart and love. All those love and light divine things. It was a Lightworker/Starseed dream come true. Just wait till I share this with my network that I know are striving, praying, wishing and hoping for something like this! It’s a reality here; it is right in front of me. All the experts, brilliant minds, inventors and investors working on a project like this that made the Venus Project seem like trifle peanuts.

With that, I was whisked off to have breakfast just Wolf and I. He always went to this same place for breakfast, which had horrible food and not the best drinks. He always ordered the same thing and waitresses rarely remembered or got the order right. It was baffling to me how the Balinese logic worked, that they were so spaced out. When people made orders, it seemed like they could not be taught either, unless you had a huge amount of patience, like two to four years. I’m not being sarcastic either. Just to give you an idea, if I ordered toast, it would be charcoal, completely un-edible, and the butter was a frozen brick that refused to melt. If you come here, you will understand. I have no idea why Wolf liked this place so much. Surely, there had to be somewhere much better, with more competent service. He always complained about it too, but still always went there. In talking more with Wolf, I learned he was from Africa, Zimbabwe. He told me how dangerous it was but that he had managed to survive and move to England, then travel all over the world. He just got back from staying with the Princess of Morocco. She was a good friend. I would not have believed this guy if I did not see all the pictures of him with most of the royalty, celebrities, models, politicians, spiritual speakers on the planet. He was always able to prove and back it up. Ok, I know what you’re thinking; Illuminati? I thought the same thing but it turns out that there is lots of people who are in those statuses who do not like what the Illuminati is doing, and want out. They want to free the people too, so they are working against them behind the scenes, on the inside. Of course, the Illuminati is fighting amongst themselves and they know that when the people finds out how much they’ve been tricked, they will be very angry. It is becoming crazy and intense, even for them. So it makes sense that some want to make amends. I always suspected it. I saw all kinds of letters from royalty sent to Wolf. There were even ones that saw Wolf as a threat to them and their agenda, and wanted him to stop. They tried to sue him and slander him, saying he was a disinformer Mk ultra (brainwashed). His response to this was: “Of course they will say those things! They are terrified of me. They cannot stop me. They can’t sue me either. I’m not in their jurisdiction.” Hold the phone! I know that word; my ex was all about this stuff. He was into the Freeman movement, trust bonds and quantum syntax. When I started speaking that language to Wolf, he was like: “How do you know that? So few people know about this: how I’m able to operate, where I have all the money I need and not be held for taxes. Plus, I have the master black unlimited un-debtable credit card.” I had heard of such credit cards, but had never seen one until I reached for my wallet to pay for my food and he stopped me saying: “It’s on me, baby.” And from the whole time I stayed with him, he always paid for me with that black credit card. Of course, he was a threat to the Illuminati; of course they would do what ever they could to stop him. “So how did it happen?” I asked, “You were not born in an influential family. How did you get to where you are now?” He answered he used to be a rock star and did not make it that big. However, the shows he did attracted some influential people that took a shine to him and his music, and they clicked immediately. They invited him to perform at private elitist parties and introduced him to their connections, as if they recognized his soul and knew of his work. They were there to help him and set him up for his potential. Of course, I did not believe it again, until I looked him up, his band, his music, and sure enough, he was a former rock star. Actually, he looked like it and acted like one and dressed like one. “Ok, I see.” I said, still trying to grasp and comprehend all this. “Why are you helping me?” “Lightworker/Starseeds always look out for each other. Your videos touched me a lot, plus you’re smoking hot.” “Uh ok, so what do you want from me?” He did not answer. And we started to talk about my work, where I was at with it, and where to go now. Am I to be really famous and well known like Deepak Chopra, really? Do I want that? I’m not so sure I do. I mean, even if I did or if I was meant to be that, like I am always told, I can’t do it on my own. I will need help. I need a serious team like Wolf has. Would he help me with that? Or was he too busy? He seemed too busy for me. He did not say anything, as if he did not want to say anything about it. With that, we left the restaurant after having our super healthy drinks and went back to the villa as he had many meetings to go to. When we pulled into the villa parking lot, we saw there were locals on the side of the road wanting to cut down a tree. Wolf spoke the language of Balinese fluently and started to talk with them. He was most upset to hear that they were going to cut this tree down. I mean why? It was unnecessary. It was not really in the way, but the locals had made up their mind to remove it, and they would. There was no talking them out of it, even when he offered money saying: “How much? I will pay you whatever you want.” But that did not work; their high priest had already decided that this tree had to go. There was no going against a religious priest that controlled the whole village. Wolf was most upset about this and was almost near tears, being powerless to save one tree. I had never seen a man care so much for a tree and make such an effort to save it. More attractive points. Then, we parted ways for a bit. I felt over my head; this was a whole other ball game. I mean, I did feel prepared for this yet it all seemed so surreal.

Anyway, I had to put all this out of my mind and focus on the work that I came here to do; that was to set up a workshop there. Yet, I was too shy and not at my best when talking to Wolf about myself and what I did. I felt intimidated. I mean, who wouldn’t. I called my friends and family and tried to explain to them the change of events and the luck I was having, but they did not fully understand; I’m sure they thought I was exaggerating. I turned my mind back to my work and what I needed to do.

I decided to finally get some heavy duty plastic surgery…on my website that is 🙂 It’s old and outdated, and I swear I saw some tumbleweeds go by it the other day. Also, Taa, daa!! My book with my poetry, titled ‘Soul Archeology’ is finally, finally done. Gosh, I think a snail could have published it faster than me. It will also be for sale via donation on my website for those of you asking me about it constantly. Thank you for bugging me until I got it done.


Chapter 5: Proper Monkey Conduct 101

No sooner did I put out that call for help on my website, that I got in contact with a guy named Taz who also happened to live in Bali, in another city. He was also in Thailand at the same time I was. We were actually supposed to meet there but it didn’t work. Instead, it happened in Bali. Taz was a business tech and spiritual person. He felt I just needed to get all the latest software and study marketing, to be able to reach more people. He wanted me to make a mind map to organize myself, my vision and what I had to offer.

I tried to follow his advice and suggestions, as I knew I was running on old programs and had much learn. Everyday, he sent me so many links and software helpers that it got to be overwhelming. There were too many new toys, bells and whistles coming out to play with online. I have no idea how Taz was able to keep up with it all.

I decided to take a break and spend some time with the monkeys. For some reason, I bonded with the more aggressive monkey first. I sat and talked with them, telling about my life, my situation and hoped they would provide some advice. “Hmm, I see, yes, yes. I see, that is a good idea. No I didn’t try to pick the bugs out of my life.” I didn’t talk down to the monkeys; I saw them as equals. I fed them but that was not enough to be accepted. If they became aggressive with me, I knew I shouldn’t show fear, or they would surely attack me. So, if they showed their teeth, I would show mine back; if they made gestures or tried to bite me or pull my clothes, I would bite and pull them back. I think the best thing I did and the advice I can give to anyone who wants to bond with monkeys, is to try to groom them right away; that’s the fastest way to be accepted. No sooner did I start to groom them, they immediately groomed me back. But that’s not all; you have to make it look like you actually found some bugs and are actually eating them. It’s hard to fool a monkey in this way, but I did it.

I always wondered if they actually found as many bugs on me as they seemed to indicate or if they were acting too. I mean, I never saw any bugs on me, were they microscopic or just bugs in another dimension that only monkeys could see? Were we both humoring each other? How come I could not see or feel any of these bugs that they found? I’m sure they wondered the same thing as I picked at their fur peacefully, like in silent communication. I also found that they had quite the vision for new hairstyles. I always let them give me a new style for the day. Then a few days later, it happened. They let me hold them and play with them anyway I wanted. I was now in their good books, I was accepted into their world; I was a monkey like them. This is when I started to make some videos with them.

I was even trusted enough to take them for walks, bring them in the house to climb the doors, tease the dogs by pulling their tales, and swim with them in the pool. I started to take them out into the rice fields for farther walks and then out into the jungle, let them climb trees and find new exotic bugs to examine and eat. You know a monkey really loves you when they jump on your back from a tree and pee all over you. It’s the ultimate honor in the monkey world and they did this to me not once, not twice but thrice. As we continued walking, we came across a penned cow. The monkeys were scared of this gentle cow that was peacefully picking her nose with her tongue nonchalantly. The monkeys were so nervous with this cow that they started yelling and swearing to this cow in their own language. I even saw one of them shaking its fist at the cow, as if they had some secret dispute. I so loved my time with the monkeys. I loved to feel their gentle touch, to look deep in their eyes and wonder what they were thinking of this blond pink ape in front of them. There is nothing like it; it was just so wonderful. Hanging out in the rice fields, just us, while I was making a video, about consciousness being the new sexy felt like “Damn it! I should use everything I have to wake people up…” But it’s a risk, as it means you can jeopardize the message by not being heard, as you’re just another chick that wants to be checked out saying: “Look at me, look at me.” So, I kept wrestling back and forth with this concept.

Now and then, the monkeys would escape, as they were Houdini escape artists. Though they could have left the property easily and not return, they never did. Instead, they were more inclined to tease us; playing catch me if you can, hopping around the roof, stealing food from the kitchen and terrorizing the dogs and having the staff run out screaming. I saw these monkeys outsmart everyone. Like that time when three staff workers were trying to catch one of the female monkeys but to no avail. I think she was purposely giving them false hope that they could catch her. The monkeys would always make themselves visible to everyone but always out of reach. They would let the staff get super close, then jump to the ceiling super fast and throw some banana peels at them. It was too funny! I think I got some footage of it but since Internet is so poor here, it takes a long time to put up all the videos. I learned how to catch them pretty fast, as food and curiosity was always their Achilles heel. You hold a watermelon in front of them, and they lick their lips in anticipation. They become practically hypnotized by it. You hold it up high enough to make them think they can reach it. As they get closer, you slowly move the melon lower. Then, they will start to follow it until they go for it fully, in easy reaching distance for you. That’s when you have to be fast; no hesitation and you just grab them. Even if they already have food in their hands, they are so curious and greedy about the food that you have, that you can see them thinking: “But what if that tastes better then this melon I have? Oh, I must try it!” They lick their lips in anticipation, fully hypnotized by the sweet, sweet melon and how it would taste. The concern is that they may bite, but they never did. They just act all shocked like: “What? You caught me? How dare you, catch me?!” They seem to be offended by this, but soon forget it as they scarf down the sweet melon and everything is cool again.

I loved when they escaped. It was always such an adventure! Though the first time, I was so nervous when I accidently let one go and so worried about telling Wolf. Yet, when I he found out he was like: “Oh, she escaped again! No problem; she will get caught sooner or later when she is hungry enough.”

I recall a time when a Madonna wannabe from the U.S. came to the villa, dressed to the nines, tits out, ass raised, stiletto heels, hair and make-up, perfect designer clothes, tons of plastic surgery and liposuction to make her look like a duck face. I have no idea why do women do this to themselves. Is the duck look really that hot? I was like: “Uh, who wears this to the rice fields?” She was waving both her arms and shouting, trying to get our attention. When she saw the monkeys, she went into total disgust, then into fear. The monkeys picked up her energy right away, and they sure did not like it. They chased her, but of course she could not run in heels. In panic, she tripped and fell, and the monkeys both pounced and bit this Madonna. She screamed and acted like she was dying even though the bites were not that bad. She was a real drama queen who had no clue on proper monkey conduct 101. She got a crash course in it. Monkeys do not give a damn about what you wear, how much money you have or how important you think you are. A fake is a fake and they can smell it. The Madonna demanded Wolf’s healers to tend to her. I said my healing abilities were mysteriously not working today (no way would I work on that woman! She had it coming to her, I felt.) Apparently, all the healers visiting at that time suddenly forgot they had left the stove on or had plans… Everyone else that was left was expected to visit her, ask how she was doing and bring flowers of condolences. If that was not done, she would threaten to have the monkeys put to sleep. But after a bit of time and schmoozing with Wolf, she dropped the charges on the monkeys. I instead left that whole chaos and went to visit the monkeys, telling them to not feel bad about what they did. She had got what she asked for. Apparently, she had been to the villa before and always hated the monkeys. The poor monkeys were now locked up in their cage, but only at night. By day, they had a collar around their neck and could only go so far. It was temporary, as Wolf was planning on making a huge nature park for them. The leashes were necessary because if they did escape the property, the villagers would surely kill them. At one point, we considered getting them a male monkey and have babies. I was really looking forward to it and romanticizing about going to the market to find the perfect male monkey for the girls, and the babies they would make. How cute! But Wolf decided against it.


Chapter 6: Big Meetings at the Villa

One day, a friend came to visit Wolf. Her name was Shi and she was in her mid-
40s. She had an amazing connection with the monkeys and she knew them since they
were babies. I got to spend a lot of time with Shi. I liked being in her company. She was
tough as nails and had such an interesting life story. She was abandoned at age four by
her mother and sent to an orphanage in England, from where she escaped many times
and would try and see how long she could live out in the woods on her own. Every time
she escaped the orphanage, she would have to go further and further out, to not be
caught by the police and brought back or forced to go to school (she always rebelled on
modern education). She was told how stupid she was, that she would not amount to
anything. At the age of 14, she decided to venture out into the city, but was caught
stealing food from a restaurant, and rather then turning her in, the owners gave her a job
and let her stay there for a bit. At some point, they started asking too many questions
and she felt uncomfortable with it, so she decided to leave. As she was seeking help to get
an illegal passport, she ended up with the wrong people who tricked her into snuff films in
Amsterdam. When she was not filming, she was kept in a cage with other children. She
told me that if she had not escaped, she and all the captive kids would have been killed
in the film. The escape happened because one of the girls kept flirting with the guard, until
one day he had a moment of sympathy for her. When he got closer to her, she then
grabbed the keys, knocked him out with the door and jumped out the window. This girl
ended up breaking her ankle and some people in the street asked her what was going on
in that warehouse. The police came and rescued all the kids. When Shi was freed, she
managed to get some money of compensation, which she spent all of to buy a plane
ticket to the States. There, she got a job in Hollywood as a PA. Soon, the crew found
out how intense and brave she was. As she always volunteered for the stunt that no
one wanted to do, she quickly became a well-known highly respected and wealthy
stuntwoman. Celebrities would ask for her by name. That venture ended many years
later when she went to a celebrity party with a friend and a jerk kept hitting on her
friend. So Shi told him off publicly. Everyone went silent. She then learned he was the
most important and most feared/hated of the Hollywood big executives that no one had
the guts to tell off until Shi did. And when she did she was blacklisted from Hollywood.
He would see to it that she would never work again in that industry. Even though she
did not work, she suddenly had lots of celebrity friends who were looking to hook her up
in whatever way they could. At one of the parties, she met a princess of (darn I cant
recall which country). But anyway she convinced this princess to ditch her bodyguard
and have some fun for once. They boarded a train and just threw caution to the wind. As
the princess had never done anything so bold in her life, she had never really lived or
been away from her guards, they became really good friends. That was until the
bodyguard found out where they were and forbid the princess to see Shi ever again.
Shi moved out to Asia were she became the owner and manager to many companies.
She met Wolf at those celebrity parties and was really the only female that Wolf
respected and did not hit on.
My evenings were mostly spent at the shisha lounge with Wolf. Even if it looked like
we were together because we were always nearby one another, I was just his friend. Yet,
I felt like a decoration for his arm (as if I was something he needed to make him look
good). I was never elegantly dressed like most of his other lady friends. Of course, he
ordered the same things every time; a creature of habit. He told me about some meetings
he was going to have, that he wanted me to be present for. I still was not sure of the
reason he wanted me there, but I agreed. It was to be something of a meeting with the
main politicians and president of Bali, regarding Wolf’s free energy device powered by
water to help Indonesia with the expenses and heavy labor destruction of nature for
electricity. They were going to demonstrate their hydraulics device. The house was
cleaned from head to foot; the staff was running around franticly trying to make sure the
food was perfect. Wolf cracked the metaphoric whip on them by barking orders and

everyone scurried about to make sure everything went smoothly. Wolf was nervous, bossy
and pushy with the staff. He could not afford mistakes of any kind, but of course they
happened, especially with the Balinese. Oh, the pressure, the stress and tension were
so thick in the villa that you could cut it with a knife. I did my best to help in what ever
way I could, but I always felt like I was in the way and would end up spaced out going
far, far away in my mind, away from this stress. It was challenging to be present. When
these influential guests asked about me, I gave my card and watched them scratch their
heads as they read: “Modern day fairy godmother, hmm, I see.” It was just a bit too out
there for them. I saw Wolf and his crew tone down on the mystical talk when these
people were around. “Oops!” But of course I’m just not used to hiding who I am.
Then, they took their guests out to see the device and it is not running as well as it
could and this further stressed Wolf. I could see him fuming under his skin, though he
did his best to not show it. Behind the scenes (like in the kitchen), his eyes were bulging
getting ready to pop out of his head and explode with red. But nonetheless, the guests
were still impressed and intrigued. But no, that was not enough for Wolf he wanted to
blow them away, like he blows everyone away, impress the heck out of them. This man is
used to getting his way and always getting what he wants. So, he took his guests back
into the house to schmooze talk. I sat through it all quietly, observing the verbal dance
show and I then I retreated to my room. Wolf went to make some computer art. The guy
was super talented in so many things. Again another guy similar to my ex… Hmm, let’s
see… That’s the third one now: first, there was the Aussie Douche in the Philippians,
then Gizmo in Australia and now Wolf in Bali. I was not intimate with any of them but did
give them consideration and an opportunity to be something more with me. Yet,
something in me would not let me go there. Sometimes I wish I were not me, so I could
be more carefree and do what most do without any reserves, but like I said, something
inside me does not let me go there with men. Most of the time, I just do not want to give
any energy to hanky panky. After all, it just leads to more trouble.


Chapter 7: A Baby Pup & Some Ducks

One day, Wolf brought home 3 baby ducks for his pond. The monkeys and I enjoyed
swimming with them in the pool.
Then one night, he brought home a little puppy that was run over by a motorbike and was
wounded. She was left on the side of the road, trying to get her mother to wake up but
it was her mother that took the full weight of the impact, so her pup would be safe. This
little pup had nothing and was starving so Wolf brought her back, which was more
attractive points for him. I had to play nurse with the pup and fix her up but did not
really know how to. This is more my mothers thing not mine. I did my best to clean the
wound then dress and bandaged this pup that would not stop moving scratching, biting,
licking its bandages off, or anything else that I put on to heal the wound. Wolf named the
pup ‘Pig’ as she had black dots on her nose that made her kind of look like a pig. She
was a cute little thing a bit of a drama queen when Wolf slapped her lightly she acted
like she got a serious beating and was timid for a while. Then, she got over it and
started teasing the other dogs, such as one dog named Speedy. Speedy was also ran
over by a car and could not walk or use his back legs, so when he moved he dragged
his back legs around. Pig was a terror to the ducks, did whatever she wanted and got
away with it, but the monkeys put her in her place; they teased her and made her go
nuts, pulling her tail and climbing up the tree before she could get them.
I put Speedy into the pool for some leg therapy; I figured it would be easier for him to
use his legs in the water then on land. I would hold him by the waist so he could
tread water and get some exercise.
Pig being a curious mischievous pup, often got in trouble, such as that day when she
got stung by a bee; her whole face swelled up and then she really looked like a pig and
sounded like one too, lol.


Chapter 8: Enter (The Man) in Black

On other days, I tested out feeding the monkeys all kinds of things such as onions, garlic,

ginger and lemon. If they did not like it, they would throw it at me. After that, I went out
to dinner with Wolf and he was once again complaining about his staff. I said then: “Why
not fire them and get someone else?” He said: “If you build a villa in a village, then the
rule is you have to hire the people in the village, otherwise they will not protect your
place and burn your place down the first chance they get. So, the staff can be as lazy
as they want, not show up for days because of their many random ceremonies or
drunkenness. His security guard always slept on the job and there was nothing he could
do about it. This country sure is backwards and its people is actually ranked the least
intelligent in the world, but you have to give it to the Balinese their credit; they always
manage to check mate the Westerners, which was pretty ironic if you look at it from that
Then, I changed the subject and told Wolf I had a friend coming out here soon. I was
wondering if he could stay at the villa since Wolf had huge couches and his contractors
often slept out on them. But Wolf was not interested in having a male friend of mine stay
at the villa. I wondered if I said I was bringing a girl friend instead, if that would make
Wolf be more inclined. This guy liked the ladies; he had to have the prettiest and best
ones. He talked about why he was single, that he had many many girlfriends and did not
believe in commitment, as woman got crazy possessive and jealous. So he felt it was
just better to keep all the women distant but impress the heck out of them to sleep with
them all. At that, he grabbed me and kissed me and I was not comfortable but went with
it. That was the furthest I would go with him though, and I made that clear. This guy was
not used to being told no by a woman, as he was always talking about the rendezvous
he had had, or sharing his thoughts out loud with me of sexual fantasies with girls that
were way under age. It made me sick to my stomach. And you call yourself spiritual, I
thought? Is this spirituality, the hidden ugly side? I felt very conflicted at the time since I
really did not like this situation, but felt I had to stick it out and keep my distance as best
as I could, as the world was counting on me to keep ties and connections like this that
would make the planet a better place. We needed his projects and connection. So many
were praying wishing and hoping for this for so long! I could not walk out; I would just
have to put up with it the best I could, as this was my mission. This was my lot, right?
Finally, I responded back to him when he grabbed my breast in a forceful lustful way:
“I’m your friend, I said, not one of your girlfriends, nor your Cinderella for your
storybook, fella. I’m no Barbie doll for your fantasies at all.” This made him a bit crazy;
he kept trying his strategies to get me to sleep with him but I refused. I did not want to
be added to this guy’s harem collection. “Ok, he said, anyway can you make
arrangements to stay a few weeks somewhere else? I have one of my many girlfriends
coming over for a visit and she will be super jealous if she sees you. She will think we
are together and it will just cause problems. She wants to come here with her mother. It’s
best if you’re not here for a bit.” I said: “Ok, I will arrange something.” It was annoying
because in truth he was telling me he was not sure how long I could stay with him. That
was super temperamental; she could come by at anytime. But if Wolf and this girlfriend
were fighting and indifferent on Skype, then it would be delayed. I had to be ready to go
at anytime. I could not even give that strange guy dressed in black on the Couchsurfing
website an exact date for when I would be coming to his place, which is not very polite
or considerate. As if I was expecting him to just up and drop his plans for me last minute.
I tried to give him an idea of when I could potentially be able to stay with him and for
how long, but it kept changing and got really frustrating with everyone and everything
being so up in the air. And because of that I kept standing up the man in black I did not
mean to it just kept happening: “Nope sorry, false alarm.” I was also annoyed because I
was not free, I was always stuck the house, unless I went out with Wolf in the morning or
evening. I had to make my plans convenient for him and his team’s schedule. I did not
have any way of getting back to the villa or to look for places to do my workshop. So the
idea of leaving and getting away for a bit felt like a good idea, at least that strange guy
dressed in black on Couchsurfing was flexible and lived much closer to town. So, we
made plans to meet up the next day. It was decided he would come and pick me up at
the Shisha Lounge, at around dinnertime.
He arrived on a motorbike dressed all in black, his clothes were a bit filthy, his hair
spiked up. He wore dark sunglasses and had a cigarette in his mouth. When he removed
his shades and came into the restaurant introducing himself to everyone, Wolf and the
other guys seemed to act snobby to him; totally ignoring and blowing him off because he

was so different. Perhaps, they saw him as a black peacock acting all cool, which was
funny to me because Wolf was definitely the one suffering from a bad case of egoic
peacocketry to me. Not to mention that Wolf reeked of uber insecurity and I recognize that
fowl smell cause my ex had the same.
This peculiar creature in black did not seem to care, what these men thought of him. Nor
did I smell insecurity from him, like I smell in so many. This intrigued me. He was
focused, he knew he was not here for them anyway; he was there for me. Waiting
patiently for me to contact him again, not holding it against me that I stood him up many
times, but not on purpose. I hoped he knew that. He sat down and took off his glasses
and I got to see his eyes. They were very soft and wise, and had a little boy like
sparkle in them, which is rare nowadays to maintain. Though I remember thinking at that
time: “I must not be thrown off by such eyes right now”, I needed to know if I could trust
this crow. So I looked deep in his eyes to see if I could intimidate him to see if I would
be ok with this guy. He met my eyes with the same depth and intensity, telepathically. He
too was scanning me just as much with his eyes, but went even deeper then I went with
him. I could not go as deep as him. When I was done looking deep into his eyes, I
knew he was ok and I would be fine staying with him. With that, I said bye to Wolf and
the gang: “Ok, see you in two weeks or so, let me know when it’s safe to come back.”
I always try to keep things on good terms, even when the person is shady.
I got onto this mysterious man’s motorcycle and we drove off. I had no idea that I
was embarking into the Twilight Zone, in which my life would change dramatically. In
some ways, I did shift in the end of 2012. If that was what the shift is, then it sure as
heck wasn’t what I thought it to be.
This blog is already getting pretty long, so I think I will leave you in suspense a bit more
and end the blog right here. There is so much to say and share. I guarantee you that you
will not be disappointed. Truth is indeed, not just stranger than fiction, but BETTER and
more interesting.

Author: Jessica Schab

Memoirs of a Former Mystic - Blogs I've written many blogs but the series about my time in Bali, Indonesia, when my radical changes took place, is what has garnered the most curiosity and acclaim. In it, I share everything about that process from beginning to end and in great detail, so that others can get to know me and better understand what I am about. My Bali Blog series is an exploration of my own personal confusion towards rational thinking that has helped myself and others to see our own cognitive dissonance. It exposes the many things that we hide from ourselves and why. ​I highly suggest to read the blogs in order, from part 1 to 5. Otherwise, it will be hard to understand the content. I myself am shocked to realize that I had no idea how conditioned and problematic my spiritual beliefs were until I wrote these blogs; how they affected every aspect of my life and created so many unnecessary problems, making me so afraid to even dare to think or imagine my life and who I was without them. I can see now the contradictions I had to want to understand, watching these elements fight within me, planting mine fields of self-destruction in my mind when I forced myself to think without spiritual beliefs that acted like a drug for me, often times taking over my mind and thinking for me. How could I get myself to stop protecting these beliefs? Such a question led me to understand why others are so keen to choose irrationality instead of logic when it comes to their ideologies. It's one of the many reasons that led to me speaking up about why I am so concerned about this movement and the dangers of these beliefs. I would describe my changes as a massive tidal wave; a tsunami sweeping me and everything I was familiar with away. I honestly do not think I would have made it had I not learned how to surf my psyche. You would think the tidal wave would be the worst of it, right? So did I. I can say it’s not the case. You can ask people who have experienced a massive tsunami or any natural disaster and they will tell you the worst part is actually the aftermath; dealing with the dramatic shift, and in my case the psychological changes. How does one go on after something like that? What next? It’s not like one can go back to how things used to be and forget it ever happened; the experience echoes in your bones. It’s futile and insane to rebuild the old and familiar in your psyche and to encourage former hopes and beliefs. Especially because it often is what beckoned and fuelled the tsunami to begin with. When you get to the root, you must start completely new so as not to recreate the past. ​Ha! Easier said than done! So, these blogs are also an invitation and challenge to detect what is confusion and what is fact. To have people ask themselves: Are my beliefs thinking for me? It becomes more apparent and easier to pinpoint and reduce one's conditioned thinking when one finishes the whole series in order. Then, one can see their own results on how they scored with detecting and exploring their own cognitive biases.​ Best of luck. ​Enjoy and please let me know what you think :-)

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