Jessica Schab

Bali Blog Series

Bali Daze: Part 1 of the Bali series (Aug 2012 My first 3 weeks in Bali)

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Chapter 1: Culture Shock.

There I was standing at the Bali airport getting my visa, talking with people in line who have been here many times, such as the Australians of course, they have all this access to exotic countries close by. And weary Americans looking for their dreams to come true here at this resort and spiritual retreat.

As for me, as it happens, no sooner did I announce I was going to Bali with no plan and no idea of what I was going to do, but I always leap before I look and it always ends up working out. A friend messaged me and said that I really should stay with her friend who is a former diplomat; he will take me in as long as I needed. He has two teenage children living with him as well and they would show me around. Sure enough when I wrote him he welcomed me with opened arms, ‘any friend of his friend was his friend’ kind of guy. His daughter collected me at the airport and brought me to their place in Legion/Kuta area. I will never forget my first drive from the airport to their place, it was pure craziness and so different than any other place I had seen before. The place I was brought to had a small cage in the entrance with two gorgeous golden retrievers that were extremely sad because they never left that tiny cage it was heart breaking and there was nothing I could do about it. Followed by other exotic animals in cages, i tried speaking to some locals on the way but they did not understand what I was saying or pretended to not understand. My hosts did not really say much about it either; they would just change the subject, as if ‘ya let’s just pretend everything is fine, just be positive..’; Ya tell that to the caged animals, I’m sure they would appreciate that, rather they would try to bite some sense into you.

The house in itself was quit dilapidated not at all a home one would expect from a diplomat, there was a dirty pool, a messy house, an outdoor living room and kitchen, and a shared bathroom that belonged to the father. The bathroom door did not close that well, inside it there was a faucet that would not work and had only cold water. What if I had to go in the middle of night surly I would disturb him and I have a very inconvenient inconsiderate bladder? What if he had a girl over and I have to use the bathroom late at night, that may be awkward (I can just imagine uh hi it’s just me, I need to pee u can go back to your kissing and such).. My room was something like a tree house, with the most uncomfortable bed imaginable. I’m no ‘princess and the pea’ either, maybe the other pee but let me tell you that bed was very uncomfortable I have slept in strange places, home made beds and boxes & crates, cars, streets, floors, I can even sleep upside down if need be. I never have problems sleeping but this bed had me wake up with my back being sad… Not to mention the bugs that claimed real-estate in my bed. Not to mention the sound of pigs being tortured, apparently I arrived in Bali around the time where the locals have strange holidays in which they boil a pig alive and for hours you can hear the poor thing screaming in anguish till its dead.  Then there was the kids or teens seeming to not respect the father and treating him like a cash machine, my whole time there all I heard from the kids was pretty much “dad, I need money for this or that.” I felt very uneasy and out of place there but I was not sure if I was being picky, its not like I had any other options beggars can’t be choosers after all, so I stuck it out a few more days. Walked around, tried to get my barring’s but the rush and noise of bikes and confusion was overwhelming. I asked to be dropped off at the beach as there was no internet at the house I was staying at nor could a decent Wi-Fi connection be found anywhere near by. I thought I could find a restaurant near the beach that had a good internet connection as I was having more and more reserves about staying here but were could I go? I would have to look for something online. I did not know anyone.. Nor did I know the language. I did not know the area, the money, the food, the pace everything was dizzying and complex for me. The beach was not any better it was full of party people looking to get messed up. There were people everywhere and every 5 seconds someone was trying to sell you something. I felt very lonely and lost there, like never before… I felt scrambled, very confused and nervous there. I saw animal cruelty everywhere, I found some baby pups wandering blindly to the road, I knew that no cars would stop for them so absent mindedly of me, I threw myself in front of a car. Good thing the driver stopped. At least I managed to rescue the pups I got them safely on the sidewalk to see the mother foaming at the mouth angry that I touched, maybe harmed her babies and she started to growled and chase me until I stopped running turned around and faced her and said to her telepathically feel me and my intentions I meant no harm but I do not blame you for feeling this way about me I look human smell human, and they all treated you bad. I can’t blame the dogs here for being racist to humans, thinking we are all the same. She seemed to understand and stopped running towards me and left me be, just like what happened in Malaysia with the monkeys about to attack me and Mr. Trekky did a similar thing to get them to leave me be. Communication is everything!!! But that experience did scramble me even more. For the first time I had doubt in my decisions and myself, and was trying to figure out; what the heck am I doing??! Why am I in Bali? I do not like it here at all!! I will only stay here for as long as I need to, and then I’m getting out of this topsy turvey place pronto… Perhaps I was lucky when I traveled, how easy would it be if no one knew me? Well I’m experiencing something like that as I do not know anyone in Bali and no one knows me here, I’m on my own.

I did manage to find some internet places, however they were at super expensive commercial restaurants, I starting asking my Facebook friends for help, but no one knew anyone here, so I started to resort to couchsurfing, I wrote so many people some party people wrote me back but I felt strongly in my intuition that it would not be wise to stay with them. I needed a location to go first, then I could focus more on people to stay with but I could not afford to be choosy. Fortunately for me Malaysia and Australia was good to me with clients that I was able to have some money to float on. Some friends said Jess maybe Ubud would be the best place for you it’s more spiritual and laid back not as busy as Legion/Kuta area. Getting back to my place was very tricky as so many taxi drivers bombarded me and I had to have my wits about me, to pick an honest one, all of them said they knew the address but I soon found out that that was a lie, they had no idea where it was and kept getting lost stopping every 5 seconds, I swear to ask people for directions. I was beginning to doubt if any of these people were actually taxi drivers or if they just go down there with their bike saying “taxi, taxi”, good grief… Eventually, somehow they found the place. Oh yeah, I recall now, I recognized the area and guided him back. I had made up my mind at that point I’m going to Ubud. So when I got back I told the family I was staying with thank you for letting me stay with you but I must get going now to Ubud. A taxi driver collected me and we did the long drive out to Ubud I had no idea what to pay the taxi driver as I was still confused by the money here so I think I over paid the taxi driver by $10.00 as he played it like he did not understand as usual.. Gosh, how many clueless tourists did they rip off I wondered..

Chapter 2: My first time in Ubud

Ubud was so strange to me, at first I was suggested to be dropped off on a monkey forest road. I walked up and down with my heavy bags all by myself seeing lovers holding hands and dread lock snobby hippies looking at me as if I was an odd site to behold. I felt alone it’s such a rare odd feeling to me I’m not used to feeling alone or lonely. It was clear that I was new and did not have a clue, but no one helped me they just stared at me and turned up their noses when I made eye contact. I walked back and forth I’m not sure how many times I asked about places to stay that had internet. It was pricey there and to get internet it cost even more. After a while I gave up and just settled at a place that had internet only out in the front where it was noisy. I stayed out there as much as I could.. now that I had a location in Ubud I could try my luck at couch surfing again. It was not easy ‘cause the internet was super slow and would randomly go off for hours. I only wrote girls and non of them wrote me back. So I finally decided to consider the guys, there was one particular strange guy dressed all in black with jet black hair spiked up like a porcupine and some kind of eye alternation with Photoshop to look like some kind of a monster with yellow eyes. I decided to skip him and see who else was here but his picture kept popping up on the feed like standing out but he was too strange looking to me, I was not sure what to make of him and I was already too nervous and vulnerable as is. How was I ever going to come through and set up a workshop out here? And to top it off my Afro Eo baby brother would be out here soon and I do not know where he will stay or what he will do, I promised his mom I would look after him, that I would have a place for him, so I was responsible I can not put him in this mess. It’s his first travel experience he never left his country before so big sis had to look out for him, he looked up to me I could not let him down.

I was feeling so blue, trying to figure out what to do, trying to figure out my life- to what I am doing? Where is it all leading? Bali is beautiful but in exploring the spirituality thing here its very refined competitive cut throat market, you have to be aggressive if you want in, or play the game, neither of these options were me or appealing to me. I do not want to have to feel like I need to compete like everyone else does here, nor do I really want to sell spirituality or certificates, it’s not what I am about. It seems like spirituality is a quick fix, that is not fully satisfied, maybe cause the root of problems are not addressed or the teacher does not walk the talk I don’t know. But I do not want to sell this, or be around people like that, people who act like their farts don’t stink make me uncomfortable. What do I do? I do not like doing this or feeling like I am coming off some spiritual making machine. It’s like pretty girls they are a dime a dozen and so is spiritual workshops a dime a dozen. This is what concerned me about doing workshops to begin with, and why I never wanted to do it, though I was always asked, it kept coming up I finally said ok to it as it was an option for me to get by while I traveled and figured myself out. Is this what I’m meant to do? This kind of spirituality? Am I meant to be like those here? Or is it a stepping stone to something else?

I just want you all to know that I am only blue when I don’t share with all of you, once I am aware of the emotion and have identified why it’s there and let all of you know, then I am at peace with it and feel instantly better. All your emails and comments help me so much that I can’t stay in that emotion, it only stays if I keep it to myself. This is the power and healing that comes from sharing and why I share no matter what; even if it’s cryptic, I still technically share it. Then we all relate/identify and connect and build our relationship on an even deeper level. So thank you for helping me and all of us to heal at the same time.

Chapter 3: From Rags to Riches (Which is Actual Poverty!?)

I woke up the next day with a second wind, a determination to make some headway with my situation. So I decided to go back on the couchsurfing and contact the guys this time and write them all after I wrote them all, that strange guy in black showed up on the screen again and again was it a glitch on the site or a glitch in my memory of some foreshadowing? I looked at his profile but he was too strange, no way I said to myself. I wrote all the guys but him, and none of them wrote me back. I heard a kitten crying, I looked up from my desperation and saw a local man holding a kitten, it could only be a few weeks old it must have just recently opened its eyes and the man in a cruel way squeezing it to death and I tried to get him to stop. I begged him and even offered him money but he just laughed and walked away to do away with the poor defenseless kitten. I was even more out of sorts and very desperate, and only felt more defeated damn it, I hate feeling helpless so I finally gave in and wrote the strange looking guy in hopes he would respond and he wrote back right away, as if he was waiting for me (which I found out later he was waiting for me, he knew I would contact him).  But right at that time to my surprise a man pulled up in a motor-bike and said Jessica mystic get your bags I’ve come to rescue you. It turns out in my desperation I publicly announced my address on Facebook and he saw it and came for me right away. I did not have time to write that strange guy to tell him not to come as he was also on his way but I was so shocked and out of it I went with my rescuer only to find a few minutes later that strange guy in black also came to rescue me, but I was already gone, I had stood him up.  My first rescuer had asked me if I ate and if I was hungry I was famished, I had no idea what to eat out here, he asked me what my food preference was and well I am lousy with making decisions when it comes to food or what I want for myself so I said something healthy as I was struggling finding healthy food here. So he took me to a fancy raw food restaurant. I could not have looked more scruffy. I felt like a stray cat that was rescued from some major tides in the ocean. This rescuer whom I’m going to call Wolf, he was in his late 40’s but looked young with long wavy brown hair and light white blue eyes like a wolf. He dressed pretty fancy snazzy.  He asked me all kinds of questions and I was so out of it I did not know how he found me and what he was doing in Bali. How much he was aware of or how he knew me? He seemed to be doing well for himself talking about the nice villa he had for me to stay in, he said he knew me from my project Camelot interview (of course that’s what I’m always known for).. He was in Bali to do some projects, and became aware of me as he saw my cries for help on his Facebook feed. He had a real way with words, as we jumped topics of conversation of that of the spiritual he seemed to understand it all so well and then some, I rarely meet people like that. He seemed to be very conscious and aware like some hidden benefactor fully focused on the awakening of influential people to what extent exactly would be revealed to me later. I was brought to his villa at first when he described it I was thinking it would be like the first place I was at with the diplomat. He made his place sound so wonderful until I got there.  Now here is Wolf saying the same thing, only Wolf’s villa was stunning, it was tucked away in a small village away from the busy commercial business areas,  which I was grateful for. I was greeted by 4 dogs and 5 cats all looked like they had a hard life, he had rescued them all which gave him instant attractive points to me. The staff, were helpful and took my bags to my room. I explored the place and it was just beautiful though there were no private showers really, if I were to shower here I would have to risk everyone seeing me. In further exploring the place I saw it had a very nice clean pool surrounded by exotic flowered plants and I found 3 bright colored baby chicks, one was bright pink, another bright purple and the last bright blue… Wolf did not say they were died, he said they were born that way, it’s part of the exoticism of Bali. Then Wolf showed me his two monkeys that were also rescues and they really loved him, I watched as they competed for his attention and quickly got jealous if he gave one more attention than the other. The monkeys were both girls and since I was new and they did not know me it was not so easy for me to touch them. I wanted to have the same relationship with them like Wolf. I would have to earn it, like he did. It’s always been a dream of mine to have a monkey as a friend, to hold one and put my hands to theirs. I just had to get in their good graces, but not now. As I was told my room was ready and I really should shower and sleep now that I could finally rest rather then stress. My room was like a room for a princess, a huge white canopy with a net over my bed, there would be no bugs biting my ass tonight. My room also had a huge balcony with an amazing view. I took a quick stealth shower with my swim suit on and went to sleep at 1 pm.

I was still in a bit of shock and trying to keep up with the sudden turn of events, I went from dives to fancy luxurious villa like that. Ok, the universe is taking care of me good to know, I was beginning to think I was losing my magic.

Chapter 4: Wolf, the Alpha Male

The next day I met a handsome young man from Scotland, he was an engineer and another handsome young man from South-America with a dreadlock beehive, he was a designer and architect and both of them were about my age. Wolf stepped in and played the alpha male and acting like I was his girlfriend and these other workers that he was employing must back off. These guys were about to go into a power point meeting with Wolf to further discuss the project they were working on and I was asked to join. The power-point was most impressive it was about eco communities that were absolutely stunning and done in total natural energy and sacred geometry all the houses and properties were designed to look like lotuses with dew drops on them, it was very impressive. They seemed to know and talk about some big names that are already on board to back up the project from famous actors, models, politicians royalty, experts and the who’s who of the spiritual racquet such as Nassim Harrieem. They had already started construction of one of them on his property; money seemed to be no object. They were even willing to have people live there that had no money or very little and had various ways for them to stay and contribute their talents. Wolf even offered for me to move my family out here and live in one of these places that one can only dream about and have only seen pictures of. So he did not seem to be about money or greed, my, how spiritual, how attractive more points for him. Everything they talked about seemed to be beyond the beyond, the best of everything natural, nothing was too out there in quantum technology and holistic healing foods. All the world’s problems were taken into account all the possible problems that have plagued eco communities to be thoroughly thought about and ironed out in the most genius cutting edge ways. I do not even know how to begin to describe the things I saw and heard there. Wolf himself was a very fancy speaker, you could feel dumb instantly in his presence, as the way he spoke; the speed of his comprehension, the huge complex educated words left you in the dust, you could not keep up with it, no chance… I try not to use big fancy words, but I do speak sometimes of complex things acting like they are so easy and how come you can not see it… But everything he said would always come back to the quantum human heart and love, all those love and light divine things. It was a light worker/star seed dream come true… just wait till I share this with my network that I know are striving, praying, wishing and hoping for something like this, it’s a reality here; it is right in front of me; all the experts, brilliant minds, inventors & investors working on a project like this that made the Venus project seem like trifle peanuts.

With that I was whisked off to breakfast just Wolf and me, he always went to this same place for breakfast which had horrible food and not the best drinks, he always ordered the same thing and waitresses rarely remembered or got the order right. It was baffling to me how the Balinese logic worked, that they were so spaced out when people made orders it seemed like they could not be taught either, unless you have a huge amount of patience like 2 -4 years, I’m not being sarcastic either. If I ordered toast it was charcoal completely un-edible and the butter was a frozen brick that refused to melt just to give you an idea. But if you come here you will understand. To this day I have no idea why Wolf liked this place so much surly there was somewhere way better with more competent service? He always complained about it to but still always went there. In talking more with Wolf I learned he was from Africa, Zimbabwe. He told me how dangerous it was but he managed to survive and move to England then traveled all over the world, he just got back from staying with the princess of Morocco, she was a good friend. I would not have believed this guy if I did not see all the pictures of him with most of the royalty, celebrities, models, politicians, spiritual speakers on the planet. He was always able to prove and back it up… Ok, I know what you’re thinking; Illuminiti? I thought the same thing but turns out that there is lots of people who are in those statuses that do not like what the Illuminati is doing and want out. They want to free the people too, so they are working against them behind the scenes, on the inside. Of course the Illuminiti is fighting amongst themselves and knew when the people find out how pissed they will be.. It was becoming crazy and intense even there for them and so many wanted out, and wanted to make amends, it made sense… I always suspected such.  I saw all kinds of letters from royalty sent to Wolf. There were even ones that saw Wolf as a threat to them and their agenda and wanted him to stop, they tried to sue him and slander him saying he is a dis-informer Mk ultra and all that. But he was like; of course they will say those things they are terrified of me, they can not stop me, they can’t sue me either, I’m not in their jurisdiction. Hold the phone I know that word, my ex was all about this stuff he was into free man and trusts and bonds and quantum syntax and I started speaking that language to him he was like how do you know that? So few people know about this or how I’m able to operate, where I have all the money I need and not able to be touched for taxes or anything and of course I have the master black unlimited un-debtable credit card. I have heard of them but never saw one before until I reached for my wallet to pay for my food and he stopped me and said it’s on me. And from the whole time I stayed with him he always paid for me with the black credit card. Of course he was a threat to the Illuminati, of course they would do what ever they could to stop him. So how did it happen? I said you were not born in an influential family how did you get to where you are now? He said he used to be a rock-star and did not make it that big, but the shows that they did attracted some influential people that took a shine to him and his music and they clicked immediately, they invited him to perform at private elitists parties and introduced him to their connections, as if they recognized him and knew of his work and were there to help him and set him up for this. Of course I did not believe it again till I looked him up, his band, his music and sure enough he was a former rock-star of course he looked like it and acted like one and dressed like one. Ok, I see I said still trying to grasp and comprehend all this and I said why are you helping me? Light-worker/star-seeds always look out for each other, your videos touched me a lot and plus your smoking hot. Uh ok, so what do you want from me? He did not answer. And we started to talk about my work and where I was at with it and were to go now. Am I to be really famous and well known like Deepak Chopra, really? Do I want that? I’m not so sure I do. I mean even if I did or if I was meant to be that like I am always told, I can’t do it on my own, I will need help. I need a serious team like Wolf has. Would he help me with that? Or was he too busy? He seemed too busy for me.. But he did not say anything, as If he did not want to say anything about it. With that we left the restaurant after having our super healthy drinks and went back to the villa as he had many meetings to go to. When we pulled into the villa parking lot we saw there were locals on the side of the road wanting to cut down a tree. Wolf spoke the language of balinese fluently and started to talk with them, he was most upset to hear that they were going to cut this tree down. I mean why? it was unnecessary, it was not really in the way, but the locals had made up their mind to remove it, and they would, there was no talking them out of it even when he offered money saying how much I will pay you whatever you want, but that did not work… their high priest has already decided that this tree most go… there was no going against a religious priest that controlled the whole village. Wolf was most upset about this and was almost near tears being powerless to save one tree. I never seen a man care so much for a tree and make such an effort to save it… more attractive points. Then we parted ways for a bit I felt over my head, this was a whole other ball game. I mean I did feel prepared for this but it seemed so surreal.

Anyway I had to put all this out of my mind and focus on the work that I came here to do to set up a workshop, but I was so shy and not my smartest when talking to Wolf about myself and what I did, of course I felt intimidated, I mean who wouldn’t.  I called my friends and family and tried to explain to them my change of events and my luck in my life but I am sure they did not fully understand or thought I was exaggerating. I turned my mind back to my work and what I needed to do.

I decided to finally get some heavy duty plastic surgery… on my website that is 🙂 It’s old and out dated and I swear I saw some tumbleweeds go by it the other day. Also Taa, daa!! My book with my poetry titled “Soul Archeology” is finally, finally done, gosh, I think a snail could have published it faster then me. It will also be for sale via donation on my website for those of you asking me about it constantly. Thank you for bugging me until I got it done.

  Chapter 5: Proper Monkey Conduct 101

No sooner did I put out that call for help on my website, did I get in contact with a guy named Taz, who just also happened to be living in Bali, but not in Ubud, in another city. He just also happened to be in Thailand at the same time I was there. We were actually supposed to meet out there but it didn’t work, instead it happened in Bali, Taz was a business tech and spiritual person, he felt I just needed to get all the latest software’s and study marketing of the latest, then I would be able to reach more people with little effort. He wanted me to make a mind map to organize myself, my vision and what I had to offer.

I tried to follow his advice and suggestions, as I knew I was running on old programs and needed to learn much to catch up. But every day he sent me so many links and software helpers that it got so overwhelming, there was just too many new toys, bells and whistles coming out to play with online. I have no idea how Taz was able to keep up with it all. I quickly started to feel daunted.

I decided to take a break and spend some time with the monkeys. For some reason I bonded with the more aggressive monkey first, I just sat near them talking with them telling them about my life, my situation and hoped they would provide some advice. Hmm, I see, yes, yes I see… that is a good idea, no I didn’t try to pick the bugs out of my life. I didn’t talk down to the monkeys and saw them as equals, I fed them but that was not enough… If they became aggressive with me I knew I must not show fear, or they would surly attack me. So if they showed their teeth, I showed mine back, if they made gesture motions or tried to bite me or pull my clothes I would bite and pull them back. But I think the best thing I did and the advice I can give to anyone that wants to bond with monkeys, is try to groom them right away that’s the fastest way to be accepted. No sooner did I start to groom them and suddenly they started to groom me back, but that’s not all, you have to make it look like you actually found some bugs and are actually eating them, it’s hard to fool a monkey in this way, but I did it.

I always wondered if they actually found as many bugs on me as they seemed to indicate or if they were acting too. I mean I never saw any bugs on me, were they microscopic or just bugs in another dimension that only monkeys could see? Were we both humoring each other? How come I could not see or feel any of these bugs that they found… I’m sure they wondered the same thing as I picked at their fur peacefully like in silent communication. I also found they had quite the vision for new hairstyles, I always let them give me a new style for the day. Then a few days later it happened, they let me hold them and play with them anyway I wanted, I was in their good books now… I was accepted into their world I was a monkey like them. This is when I started to make some videos with them.

I was even trusted enough to let me take them for walks bring them in the house to climb the doors, tease the dogs by pulling their tales and swim with them in the pool. I started to take them out into the rice field for farther walks and then out into the jungle, let them climb trees and find new exotic bugs to examine and eat. You know a monkey really loves you when they jump on your back from a tree and pee all over you, it’s the ultimate honor in the monkey world and they did this to me not once, not twice but thrice times. As we continued walking we came across a penned cow and the monkeys were scared of this gentle cow that was peacefully picking her nose with her tongue nonchalantly. The monkeys were so nervous with this cow that they started yelling and swearing to this cow in monkey language, I even saw one of them shaking its fists at the cow as if they had some secret dispute. I so loved my time with the monkeys, I loved to feel their gentle touch to look deep in their eyes and wonder what they were thinking of this blond pink ape in front of them. There is nothing like it and it was just so wonderful. Hanging out in the rice fields with just them and me as I am making a video, about consciousness being the new sexy feeling, like damn it, I should use everything I got to wake people up… But it’s a risk as it means you can risk the message not being heard as you’re just another chick that wants to be checked out saying look at me, look at me.  So I kept wrestling back and forth with this concept.

Jessica Schab in Consciousness is the New Sexy Bali Indonesia

Now and then it would happen where there were days that the monkeys would escape, as they were Houdini escape artists. Though they could have left the property  easily and never returned many times, they never did, instead they were more inclined to tease us playing ‘catch me if you can’, hopping around the roof, stealing food from the kitchen and terrorizing the dogs and staff having them run out of the kitchen screaming. I saw these monkeys outsmart all of the 3 staff, working together to catch her but they always alluded their captors. I think she was purposely giving them false hope that they would get her. The monkey would always make themselves visible to everyone but be just out of reach. They would let the staff get super close and then jump to the ceiling super fast and throw some banana peels at them. It was too funny, I think I got some video footage of it but since internet is so poor here it will take a long time to put up all the videos.  I learned how to catch them pretty fast. As food and curiosity was always their Achilles’ heel. You hold a watermelon in front of them, and they lick their lips in an anticipation, they become practically hypnotized by it, you hold it up high enough for them, to make them think they can reach it so they come closer, but you take the melon further and further down, as they go lower and lower until they go for the melon fully, and now in easy reaching distance for you, that’s when you have to be fast, no hesitation and then you just grab them. Even if they already have food in their hands they are so curious about the food in your hands, you can see them thinking ‘but what if that tastes better then this melon I have’, oh, I must try it, as they lick their lips in anticipation, fully hypnotized by the sweet, sweet melon and how it would taste. The fear is that they may bite you but they never did.  They just act all shocked like ‘what? You caught me? How dare you, catch me?!’ They seem to be offended by this, but they soon forget it as they scarf down the sweet melon and everything is cool again.

I loved when they escaped, it was always such an adventure, though the first time I was so nervous, when I by accidentally let one go (and I was so worried about telling Wolf I lost his monkey) but when I told him he was like ‘oh, she escaped again, no problem’ she will get caught sooner or later when she is hungry enough.

There was also a time I can recall that a Madonna “wannabe” from the U.S. came by the villa, dressed to the nines, tits out, ass raised, stiletto heels, hair and make-up, perfect designer clothes, tons of plastic surgery and liposuction to make her look like a duck face (I have no idea why woman do this to themselves, is the duck look really what’s hot right now?) and I was like uh, who wears this to the rice fields? She was waving both her arms and shouting trying to get our attention. When she saw the monkeys she went into total disgust, then to fear and the monkeys picked up her energy right away, and they sure did not like it so they chased her, of course she could not run in heels and so in panic she tripped and fell, the monkeys both pounced on her and they both bit this “Madonna”, she screamed and acted like she was dying (the bites were not even that bad) she was a real drama queen who had no clue on monkey conduct, so she got a crash course in monkey conduct 101. Monkeys do not give a damn about what you wear or how much money you have or how important you think you are. A fake is a fake, they can smell it. The Madonna demanded Wolfs healers to tend to her, I said my healing abilities were mysteriously not working today (no way would I work on that woman, she had it coming to her) Apparently all the healers visiting at the villa at that time suddenly forgot they left the stove on or had plans.. Everyone else that was left was expected to visit her, ask how she was doing and bring flowers of condolences. If that was not done she would threaten to have the monkeys put to sleep. But after a bit of time and schmoozing with Wolf she dropped the charges on the monkeys. I instead left that whole chaos and went to visit the monkeys, telling them to not feel bad about what they did, she got what she asked for. Apparently she had been to the villa before and always hated the monkeys. The poor monkeys were now locked up in their cage, but only by night, by day they had a collar around their neck and could only go so far. It was only temporary as Wolf was planning on making a huge nature park for them. The leashes were necessary cause if they did escape the property the villagers would surly kill them. At one point we considering getting them a male monkey and have babies, I was really looking forward and romanticizing about going to the market to find the perfect male monkey for the girls and the babies they would make, how cute, but Wolf decided against it. boo-urns. : (

Chapter 6: Big Meetings at the Villa

One day a friend came to visit Wolf, her name was Shi and was in her mid- 40’s, she also had an amazing connection with the monkeys, and she knew them since they were babies. I got to spend a lot of time with Shi I did not mind her company she was tough as nails and had such an interesting life story. She was abandoned at age 4, by her mother and sent to an orphanage in England, were she escaped many times and would try and see how long she could live out in the woods on her own. Every time she escaped the orphanage she would have to go further and further out, to not be caught by the police and brought back or forced to go to school (which she always rebelled on modern education) and she was always told how stupid she was that she would not amount to anything.  At the age of 14 she decided to venture out into the city, but was caught stealing food from a restaurant and rather then turning her in they gave her a job, and let her stay there for a bit. Until they started asking too many questions, she knew she overstayed her welcome, and decided to leave and ended up meeting the wrong people (that she thought would help her get an illegal passport) but ended up tricking her into snuff films, when she was not filming she was kept in a cage with other kids. She told me if she had not escaped; she and all the captive kids would have been killed in the film. The escape happened cause one of the kids kept flirting with the guard till one day (he had a moment of sympathy for her) when he got close enough she grabbed the keys, knocked him out with the door and jumped out the window. She broke her ankle, but it was enough for the people in that area to learn what was going on in that warehouse in Amsterdam and the police came and rescued all the kids. When she was freed, she managed to get some money of compensation which she spent all of to buy a plane ticket to the states, where she got a job in Hollywood as a PA, but soon the crew found out how intense and brave she was when no one wanted to do the stunts, she volunteered herself for everything that no one wanted to do. She fast became a well known highly respected wealthy stunt woman, celebrities would ask for her by name. But that venture ended many years later when she went to a celebrity party with a friend and this jerk kept hitting on her friend so she told him off publicly (tearing into him) everyone went silent… then she learned he was the most important and most feared/hated of the Hollywood big executives that no one had the guts to tell off until Shi did, and when she did she was blacklisted from Hollywood, he would see to it that she would never work again in that industry. Even though she did not work she suddenly had lots of celebrity friends who were looking to hook her up in whatever way they could. At one of the parties she met a princess of (darn I can’t recall which country), but anyway she convinced this duchess to ditch her bodyguard and have some fun for once, they boarded a train and just threw caution to the wind, as the princess had never done anything so bold in her life, she had never really lived or been away from her guards… they became really good friends, that was until the body guard found out were they were and forbid the princess to see Shi again. Shi then moved out to Asia were she became the owner and manager to many companies, she met Wolf at those celebrity parties and was really the only female that Wolf respected and did not hit on.

My evenings were mostly spent at the shisha lounge with Wolf, even if it looked like we were together because we were always nearby one another. I was just his friend, but I felt like a decoration for his arm (as if I was something he needed to make him look good) but I was never elegantly dressed like most of his other lady friends. Of course, he ordered the same things every time a creature of habit. He told me about some meetings he was going to have, that he wanted me to be present for. I still was not sure of the reason he wanted me there, but I agreed. It was to be something of a meeting with the main politicians and president of Bali, regarding their free energy device powered by water to help Indonesia with the expenses and heavy labor destruction of nature for electricity. They were going to demonstrate their hydraulics device to the politicians to see if they can get them away from their old destructive way of bringing electricity to Bali. The house was cleaned from head to foot; the staff was running around franticly trying to make sure the food was perfect. Wolf cracked the metaphoric whip on them by barking orders and everyone scurried about to make sure everything went smoothly. Wolf was nervous, bossy and pushy with the staff he could not afford mistakes of any kind, but of course they happened, especially with the Balinese… Oh, the pressure, stress and tension were so thick in the villa; you could cut it with a knife. I did my best to help in what ever way I could, but I always felt like I was in the way and would end up spaced out going far, far away in my mind from this stress. It was challenging to be present. When these influential guests asked about me I gave my card and I watched them scratch their heads as they read modern day fairy god mother… hmm, I see it was just a bit too out there for them. I saw Wolf and his crew hid and toned down the mystical talk with these people, oops, but of course I’m just not used to hiding who I am.

Then they took their guests out to see the device and it is not running as well as it could and this further stressed Wolf, I could see him fuming under his skin, though he did his best to not show it. Behind the scenes (like in the kitchen) his eyes were bulging getting ready to pop out of his head and explode with red. But none the less the guests were still impressed and intrigued. Though, that was not enough for Wolf… he wanted to blow them away, like he blows everyone away, impress the heck out of them, this man is used to getting his way and always getting what he wanted. So he took his guests back into the house to schmooze talk, I sat through it all quietly observing the verbal dance show and I then I retreated to my room. While Wolf went to make some computer art, the guy was super talented in so many things, again another guy similar to my ex… hmm, let’s see that’s the 3rd one now. First there was the Aussie Douche in the Philippians, then Gizmo in australia now Wolf in bali. I was not intimate with any of them but did give them consideration and an opportunity to be something more with me, but something in me would not let me go there. Sometimes I wish I was not me so I can be more carefree and do what most do with out any reserves, but like I said, something inside me does not let me go there with men. Most of the time I just do not care to do or give any energy to hanky panky after all it just leads to more trouble. and we do not need more trouble.

  Chapter 7: A Baby Pup & Some Ducks

The following days Wolf had brought home 3 baby ducks for his pond which I enjoyed swimming with in the pool. Then one night he brought home a little puppy that was run over by a motorbike and was wounded. she was left on the side of the road trying to get her mother to wake up but it was her mother that took the full weight of the impact so her pup would be safe but she was dead. This little pup had nothing and was starving so Wolf brought her back which was more attractive points for him. I had to play nurse with the pup and fix her up and did not really know how to, this is more my mothers thing not mine. I did my best to clean the wound then dress and bandaged this pup that would not stop moving scratching, biting, licking, its bandages off or anything else that I put on to heal the wound. Wolf named the pup pig as she had black dots on her nose that made her kind of look like a pig. she was a cute little thing a bit of a drama queen when Wolf slapped her lightly she acted like she got a serious beating and was timid for a while then she got over it and started teasing the other dogs such as one dog named speedy that was also ran over by a car and could not walk or use his back legs so when he moved he dragged his back legs around. This pup was a terror; doing what she wanted and getting away with it, but the monkeys put her in her place; they teased her and made her go nuts pulling her tail and climbing up the tree before she could get them.

I put Speedy into the pool for some leg therapy; I figured it would be easier for him to use his leg in the water then on land; I would hold him the waist so he could tread water and get some exercise for those legs.

Pig being a curious mischievous pup often got little Pig in trouble, such as one day she got stung by a bee; her whole face swelled up and then she really looks like a pig and sounds like one to, lol.

Chapter 8: Enter (The Man) in Black

On other days I tested out feeding the monkeys all kinds of things such as onions, garlic, ginger and lemon if they did not like it they would throw it at me. After that I went out to dinner again with Wolf and he was once again complaining about his staff and I said then why not fire them and get someone else, he said if you build a villa in a village then the rule is you have to hire the people in the village otherwise they will not protect your place and burn your place down the first chance they get. So the staff can be as lazy as they want not show up for day’s because of their many random ceremony or drunkenness. His security guard always slept on the job and there was nothing he could do about it. This country sure was backwards but you have to give to the Balinese some credit they managed to check mate the westerners which was pretty clever if you look at it from that angle.

Then I changed the subject and told him I had Afro Eo coming out here soon and I was wondering if he could stay at the villa since he had huge couches and his contractors often slept out on them so their would be plenty of room for him and he would not take up much space.  But Wolf was not interested in having Eo stay at the villa I wondered if I said I was bringing a girlfriend instead if that would make Wolf be more inclined to have her stay over. This guy liked the ladies; he had to have the prettiest and best ladies. He talked about why he is single that he has many many girlfriends and does not believe in commitment as woman get crazy possessive and jealous so its just better to keep all the woman distant but impress the heck out of them to sleep with them all. At that he grabbed me and kissed me and I was not comfortable but went with it but that was the farthest I would go with him though, and I made that clear. this guy was not used to being told no by a woman as he told me all the rendezvous he has had, or when he shared his thoughts out loud with me of sexual fantasies with girls that were way under age it made me sick to my stomach. And you call yourself spiritual I thought? Is this spirituality the hidden ugly side? I felt very conflicted at the time I really did not like this situation, but felt I had to stick it out and keep my distance as best as I could as the world was counting on me to keep ties and connections like this that would make the world a better place. We needed his projects and connection so many were praying wishing and hoping for this for so long. I could not walk out I would just have to put up with it the best I could as this was my mission, this was my lot. Right? Finally I responded back to him when he grabbed my breast in a forceful lustful way, “I’m your friend” I said, “not one of your girlfriends, nor your Cinderella for your storybook, fella I’m no Barbie doll for your fantasies at all.” This made him a bit crazy, he kept trying his strategies to get me to sleep with him but I refused. I did not want to be added to this guy’s harem collection. Ok, he said, anyway can you make arrangements to stay a few weeks some-were else I have one of my many girlfriends coming over for a visit and she will be super jealous if she sees you, she will think we are together and it will just cause problems. She wants to come here with her mother it’s best if you’re not here for a bit. I said ok, I will arrange something. It was annoying cause in truth he was telling me he was not sure how long I could stay with him cause of this girlfriend that was super temperamental that she could come by at anytime. But if Wolf and this girlfriend were fighting and indifferent then it would be delayed so I had to be ready to go at anytime. It was really annoying because I could not even give that strange guy dressed in black on couchsurfing an exact date for when I would be coming to his place which is not very polite or considerate, as if I was expecting him to just up and drop his plans for me last minute. I tried to give him an idea of when I could potentially be able to stay with him and for how long, but it kept changing and got really frustrating with everyone and everything being so up in the air. And cause of that I kept standing up the man in black I did not mean to it just kept happening, nope sorry false alarm. I was also annoyed because I was not free, I was always stuck the house, unless I went out with Wolf in the morning or evening. I had to make my plans convenient for their schedules. I did not have any way of getting back to the villa or to look for places to do my workshop. So the idea of leaving and getting away for a bit felt like a good idea, at least that strange guy dressed in black on couch surfing was flexible and lived much closer to town. So we made plans to meet up the next day. It was decided he would come and pick me up at the shisha lounge at around dinnertime.

He arrived on a motorbike dressed all in black, his clothes were a bit filthy, his hair spiked up, he wore dark sunglasses and had a cigarette in his mouth. When he removed his shades and came into the restaurant introducing himself to everyone, Wolf and the other guys seemed to act snobby to him; totally ignoring and blowing him off because he was so different. Perhaps they saw him as a black peacock acting all cool, which was funny to me, because Wolf was definitely the one suffering from a bad case of egoic peacocketry to me, not to mention that Wolf reeked of über insecurity, I recognize that foal smell ‘cause my ex had the same kind of smell.

This peculiar creature in black did not seem to care, what these men thought of him. Nor did I smell insecurity from him like I smell in so many, this intrigued me. He was focused, he knew he was not here for them anyway, he was there for me. Waiting patiently for me to contact him again not holding it against me that I stood him up many times, but not on purpose. I hoped he knew that. He sat down and took off his glasses and I got to see his eyes. They were very soft and wise and had a little boy like sparkle in them, which is rare now a-days to maintain. Though I remember thinking at that time I must not be thrown off by such eyes right now, I needed to know if I could trust this crow, so I looked deep in his eyes to see if I could intimidate him, and know I would be ok with this guy and he met my eyes with the same depth and intensity, touché, was spoken silently telepathically and he to was scanning me just as much with his eyes but went even deeper then I went with him, I could not go as deep as him.  When I was done looking deep into his eyes I knew he was ok and I would be fine staying with him. With that I said bye to Wolf and the gang and said ok see you in two weeks or so, let me know when it’s safe to come back. I always try to keep things on good terms even when the person is shady. 

I got onto this mysterious black crow motorcycle and we drove off. I had no idea that I was embarking into the Twilight Zone in which my life would change dramatically. In some ways I did shift in the end of 2012, if that was what the shift is, then it sure as heck wasn’t what anyone thought it to be.

This blog is already getting pretty long so I think I will leave you in suspense a bit more and end the blog right here. There is so much to say and share, I have been looking forward to writing these blogs but I’m going to try to keep them only 10-16 pages maximum even though some of my old blogs have been 60 pages and people would read them not once, not twice but thrice times. I’m not going to do that for these. Ok everyone I wish you well see you in the next blog, I guarantee you that you will not be disappointed truth is indeed, not just stranger then fiction, but BETTER and more interesting.




Author: Jessica Schab

Memoirs of a Former Mystic - Blogs I've written many blogs but the series about my time in Bali, Indonesia, when my radical changes took place, is what has garnered the most curiosity and acclaim. In it, I share everything about that process from beginning to end and in great detail, so that others can get to know me and better understand what I am about. My Bali Blog series is an exploration of my own personal confusion towards rational thinking that has helped myself and others to see our own cognitive dissonance. It exposes the many things that we hide from ourselves and why. ​I highly suggest to read the blogs in order, from part 1 to 5. Otherwise, it will be hard to understand the content. I myself am shocked to realize that I had no idea how conditioned and problematic my spiritual beliefs were until I wrote these blogs; how they affected every aspect of my life and created so many unnecessary problems, making me so afraid to even dare to think or imagine my life and who I was without them. I can see now the contradictions I had to want to understand, watching these elements fight within me, planting mine fields of self-destruction in my mind when I forced myself to think without spiritual beliefs that acted like a drug for me, often times taking over my mind and thinking for me. How could I get myself to stop protecting these beliefs? Such a question led me to understand why others are so keen to choose irrationality instead of logic when it comes to their ideologies. It's one of the many reasons that led to me speaking up about why I am so concerned about this movement and the dangers of these beliefs. I would describe my changes as a massive tidal wave; a tsunami sweeping me and everything I was familiar with away. I honestly do not think I would have made it had I not learned how to surf my psyche. You would think the tidal wave would be the worst of it, right? So did I. I can say it’s not the case. You can ask people who have experienced a massive tsunami or any natural disaster and they will tell you the worst part is actually the aftermath; dealing with the dramatic shift, and in my case the psychological changes. How does one go on after something like that? What next? It’s not like one can go back to how things used to be and forget it ever happened; the experience echoes in your bones. It’s futile and insane to rebuild the old and familiar in your psyche and to encourage former hopes and beliefs. Especially because it often is what beckoned and fuelled the tsunami to begin with. When you get to the root, you must start completely new so as not to recreate the past. ​Ha! Easier said than done! So, these blogs are also an invitation and challenge to detect what is confusion and what is fact. To have people ask themselves: Are my beliefs thinking for me? It becomes more apparent and easier to pinpoint and reduce one's conditioned thinking when one finishes the whole series in order. Then, one can see their own results on how they scored with detecting and exploring their own cognitive biases.​ Best of luck. ​Enjoy and please let me know what you think :-)

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