Jessica Schab

Bali Blog Series

Singapore June 2012

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i arrived in Singapore late in the night. A cripple covered in bandages. It was hard to say goodbye to Jessica. We lived a lot with each other in just a short amount of time. I was not sure if I would see her again.
What can i say about this country? it has a Toronto Canada vibe and i have to keep reminding myself this is not Toronto but Singapore. There is no culture shock here. It’s disappointing how the western culture affects other countries. They are becoming all the same. Losing their own unique individuality and culture.
Everyone dresses their best. Everyone is polite and speaks English, which is refreshing after being so long in Thailand where hardly anyone speaks English. I stand out like a sore thumb. i looked like a bright colored rainbow. A Thai hippie bird.
This place is like night and day difference from Thailand. Spitting and chewing gum is illegal. I wonder about the people who speak languages that make you hock major loogies. Are they suspects for potential spitting crimes on precious Singapore streets? You’re not aloud to swear either. It mainly consists of people from China and India.
This country is also really expensive. i was a bit taken aback when I converted my couple thousand Thai Baht to Sing dollars. In Thailand I felt rich. Now I had less than $50 L. I called up Losita (the lady I would be doing workshops with) on skype and asked her if the money I had would be enough for the 5 days. Nope, she said. There was a man and a woman from Australia that heard my call and I asked them a few questions about this country. I think they were touched by my innocence and naivety. They gave me $150 just like that. Wow the universe was showing me to not worry about money. It had my back after all and it was looking out for me. Money would come if I needed it, randomly and spontaneously. 
 I spent my first day with Losita. She is from India, somewhere in her 40s. She can be very soft but also very tough. I was taken to her place to settle down and meet her family. They did not seem to think it odd at all that I came from the other side of the world to do a workshop with her. The workshop went really great. It’s interesting to learn the process on how to put together workshops. In my head putting together a workshop was a complex thing to do, but that concern was not at all true. We sat at a Starbucks and figured out the whole layout in a half hour. It just flowed out. I was still nervous, as I had never done a workshop before and I was so glad to have Losita with me. To help show me the ropes; to keep some structure and organization; to fill in when I started sharing and got too quantum, too verbal Picasso dyslexia or just plain off the deep end for people.
After that losita showed me the shops. I was impressed with all the unique ideas for food things I have never seen or tasted before.
The next day was my first workshop and we actually had a decent turnout. Oh man was it fun! i had no idea! i am so glad that I finally did it. Thank you Losita, for helping to bring this out of me in a more detailed, focused, slowed-down manner. Day 2 was jam-packed. We all really bonded and the people who came wrote amazing reviews. Sharing just how much they grew leaps and bounds. After my first workshop I was excited about doing more of them in other countries. However, I need a few days to recover and get plenty of rest. I gave so much energy to these workshops.
The Africa question
I had a conversation with my mother about what happened in Thailand and being on the fence about going to Africa. I told her some of the things jess shared with me about how she could keep me safe if I did go. Jessica talked to me often trying to quell all my fears of being in Africa with her. She said it was not as dangerous as people say. She said it’s just a way to keep people out of Africa, which I can believe as so many times I hear a place is dangerous “don’t go there” only to find I was wrong or simply did not have that experience.
I said to Jess, look at you you’re a tough one. You have to be where you grew up. You cannot tell me you did not hear any of the horror stories or violence that happens there. Like how rocks are thrown at your car to get you to stop and then when you do it’s game over for everyone in the car. Yes, it’s true she said but there are ways around this. For example, here take this it’s a necklace I made for you it’s a sangoma necklace. It means you’re a shaman if you wear this and if you get approached by someone with ill intent, they see that necklace and drop to their knees to ask for a blessing or prayer from you. Everyone is afraid to harm or mess with a sangoma and few are brave enough to wear the necklace.
She said Africa speaks to you. She is all about omens. She warns you if you know how to see it. You have to make split decisions. If we’re driving on the road and we see a dead animal then that is an omen to not continue on that road. If we camp and see a lion or spider or snake, I know exactly what to do to stay safe so do not worry. You have nothing to worry about. Wait jess what do you mean you know what to do? What if a poisonous spider bites you? Oh she said I was bitten by the worse spider ever, the fiddler spider. She said I woke up to find my nose melting off of my face but I knew to use a 12-volt battery and wet my skin and my nose went back to normal so you see you have nothing to worry about. I was like, yea right ok. It all sounded exciting and crazy which is most enticing to me. She wanted to take me to see the whole of South Africa, starting on the west coast – Namibia desert to Mozambique and explore Madagascar too. How does one refuse that? But still I need to make sure I feel comfortable. That determines the vibe of the whole experience. My mom suggested I just wait it out and see.
Day 3: I went into town to explore more of the country known as Singapore. Its so expensive here and its eerie how there is little to no birds or cats or dogs or any wild life really. This country is nice, but its so controlled that there is not even wildlife, for fear that the country will not be pristine, what with bird droppings here and there. Oh heaven forbid. This city is so posh and futuristic. Definitely cutting edge with its unique buildings and expensive cars everywhere not to mention the super high-end stores. I went on the subway and i saw that everyone had an i-phone or some kind of latest tech gadget. They were all staring at it and tuning out their now moments and the world. Yes, nowadays we use sophisticated objects to ignore others as we all pretend like we are busy and important by playing angry birds. I remembered how i used to be that way when i had an i-phone. Which i lost on my second day in Thailand. As i watched everyone staring at their phones, i wanted to sing or yell out – “Hey wake up, smell the roses! Life is happening and you don’t know it. Wake up! Take this moment, grab it your hands and own it.” As i read all the people’s auras on the subway, I saw that they were all so lonely. Why are we so lonely when we are surrounded by so many people? I almost wanted to cry. As i travel and i see the repression in every country, It confirms to me why i am doing what i am doing. Yes it is important that i continue on. There is still is so much work to be done. I am a bit weary though. i look forward to finding the harbor of love where i can dock my ship to rest and mend from all the sadness and second-hand pretending. but right now.. right now i am a soldier of liberation. I cannot stop the heart’s strong pull to march on.
With all the expensive things here i must say i am so glad i have little to no money because if i had more money, i might not contemplate so much first. I tell myself yes it’s nice, but do you really need it jess? Having no money makes you think first before spending or desiring on anything. It also makes it easier to step back and see the stuff for what it really is. Like how it was so beautifully portrayed in the movie the Labyrinth when the lead character, Sara, played by a young Jennifer Connelly, came to from a spell she had been under and saw that all the nice flashy expensive things she owned was actually junk, even the room itself. Then she saw she was actually in a junkyard. i am glad that spirit does not require me to look a certain way to have expensive things. In fact spirit keeps undressing me of all things that I do not need but only think I need. Case in point, what happened in Thailand. (see my Thailand blog to understand what I mean).
If something is synthetic and not me but just things and ideas. Life says to me: Be aware of the ideals in your separation dream now, because when you come home, when you shed your fleshy house, you will see you cannot take any of those things with you. All you bring back to us is your experience, perspective, memories and understanding.
For my last few days in Singapore a follower of my work requested for me to stay with her and her family. She was a nice girl but wanted me to fix and solve all her problems. It’s not easy to help someone when they say they want it but do everything to avoid it. Where they avoid the inner work to go deeper. Always saying yes, but this … yes, but that. Sometimes people do not want to deal with the root but be distracted by new age phantasm which I was not liking at all. How can you help or reach someone like that?
And then, in the blink of an eye, my time in Singapore came to an end. Five days was enough to get an idea of the place. I could see now why losita and her family wanted out and were holding the dream of moving to Canada.

Losita and i made many plans together and we are fast collecting offers to go to other countries with our workshops. We felt we needed to find and activate the space holders to acupuncture the planet and stars with their energy that would help awaken this planet. With this vision in place, losita and I headed to the airport to begin our work in Australia.

Author: Jessica Schab

Memoirs of a Former Mystic - Blogs I've written many blogs but the series about my time in Bali, Indonesia, when my radical changes took place, is what has garnered the most curiosity and acclaim. In it, I share everything about that process from beginning to end and in great detail, so that others can get to know me and better understand what I am about. My Bali Blog series is an exploration of my own personal confusion towards rational thinking that has helped myself and others to see our own cognitive dissonance. It exposes the many things that we hide from ourselves and why. ​I highly suggest to read the blogs in order, from part 1 to 5. Otherwise, it will be hard to understand the content. I myself am shocked to realize that I had no idea how conditioned and problematic my spiritual beliefs were until I wrote these blogs; how they affected every aspect of my life and created so many unnecessary problems, making me so afraid to even dare to think or imagine my life and who I was without them. I can see now the contradictions I had to want to understand, watching these elements fight within me, planting mine fields of self-destruction in my mind when I forced myself to think without spiritual beliefs that acted like a drug for me, often times taking over my mind and thinking for me. How could I get myself to stop protecting these beliefs? Such a question led me to understand why others are so keen to choose irrationality instead of logic when it comes to their ideologies. It's one of the many reasons that led to me speaking up about why I am so concerned about this movement and the dangers of these beliefs. I would describe my changes as a massive tidal wave; a tsunami sweeping me and everything I was familiar with away. I honestly do not think I would have made it had I not learned how to surf my psyche. You would think the tidal wave would be the worst of it, right? So did I. I can say it’s not the case. You can ask people who have experienced a massive tsunami or any natural disaster and they will tell you the worst part is actually the aftermath; dealing with the dramatic shift, and in my case the psychological changes. How does one go on after something like that? What next? It’s not like one can go back to how things used to be and forget it ever happened; the experience echoes in your bones. It’s futile and insane to rebuild the old and familiar in your psyche and to encourage former hopes and beliefs. Especially because it often is what beckoned and fuelled the tsunami to begin with. When you get to the root, you must start completely new so as not to recreate the past. ​Ha! Easier said than done! So, these blogs are also an invitation and challenge to detect what is confusion and what is fact. To have people ask themselves: Are my beliefs thinking for me? It becomes more apparent and easier to pinpoint and reduce one's conditioned thinking when one finishes the whole series in order. Then, one can see their own results on how they scored with detecting and exploring their own cognitive biases.​ Best of luck. ​Enjoy and please let me know what you think :-)

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