Jessica Schab

Bali Blog Series

My last weak week in Canada April 2012

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When my mother and brother flew back to Vancouver from Costa Rica, I flew back to the other side of Canada in Toronto to take care of some last minute stuff; such as visas and oh ya my flight ticket to Asia, as I was looking to fly out with in a week or so. The whole time I could not commit on an exact date as to when I would fly out. I really struggled and stressed that week because I am so not used to planning and just doing everything from the seat of my pants. Well something had shifted and it suddenly was not like that for me the universe was in the flux of teaching me something new. I think I started it or initiated it when I decided to pay for my own flight out to Asia as most of the time most of my flights were covered by others. But in the mist of making all these plans life was making other plans throwing me off and usurping my old plans.  At first it was planned to meet Jessica Shackleton and some other Australian friends all in Thailand, but because I was too last minute in getting my ticket and delayed my time out in CR so as to have a decent amount of time with my family as I had not seen them in 2 years. So meeting everyone in Thailand would not work, instead we all decided to meet each other in the Philippians or so I thought. Then go to Singapore to meet with Losita to do my first workshop out there, then to Australia and what ever after that I would figure it out when the time came. But regarding Jess I knew something was up but not sure exactly why Jess Shacklton and my Aussie friends did not seem to be getting along. I was not sure on which side it was coming from. I thought traveling in a group would be best but it seemed that no one wanted to share me. Jess Shackleton did not want to fly out to the Philippians. so she decided to wait for me an extra 2 weeks in Thailand instead and familiarize herself with the land. She acted like she was cool and calm as a cucumber about this but I later found out she actually was having nervous break downs doubting herself and the trip thinking its all so crazy. Mean-while and simultaneously I was also having breakdowns of my own, not just cause of that reason that nothing seemed to be working plans kept falling through, but also the last minute of it all. Then on top of it when I finally got my ticket 3 days before it was time for me to leave I found out I had to find another place for my cats, it was intense. I ended up finding a nice farm for them last minute a friend called me and offered it and I am so grateful for this but it nearly gave me a hard attack as it’s not so easy trying to explain to cats the reason why I had to go and how long I would be gone, its only for a little while. Yet all the while wondering in my head I know what I tell them and myself but it is it so? Will I ever see them again or must I let go of my cats yet again? so I can create a future world were do not always have to leave are our family and friends human and non to go off and do work for this planet & ourselves? How many times must this happen before its made right? Oh the patterns of life reoccurring, another language surly coded, yes, that to, but oh to understand yourself beyond the veil of the veil, the original recurring patterns, a galaxy dance mirror perhaps, or a calculated hologram picture, playing out to maintain the confines a trap. Only to find that outside the illusion there is but more illusions see others try to say to me even nature the universe indicates this there is no escape. Sorry, I do not buy it. I know the nature of the game.

The days where drawing close to the time for me to leave. I bought the ticket randomly I was so proud, yet so frustrated as proving to get a visa for certain countries ended up being a wild goose chase. I was having second thoughts perhaps I am not meant to go my money is low, what if I arrive and everyone is a no show, how will this work? Am I pushing even my limits? On of my friends whom I confided in heard me share my concerns and he would not have of it. No you decided to go its something you must do so do it. You’ve gone this far, might as well go through with it. But it’s changing all the time where I am going? I do not know. Who I am meeting up with? And when I’m on my own, I’m not sure I can do this? I have never done anything this crazy before.

Though I was not sure about anything, yet, there I was on the plane flying out from Toronto Canada to Vancouver with a lucky 2 hour lay over which gave me a sweet pocket moment in time where I could see my best friend Melissa since I to had not seen her for a long time. But when I arrived at the Vancouver airport I found out that they were not going to let me fly to the Philippians on a one way ticket I had to get another flight right now to Thailand and print out the ticket in order to continue on. I only had very little time to do this, I had to find a hotel in the airport buy a ticket online and print it out then see my best friend and clear customs. The universe though being quit understanding to these human plights took care of it all despite my worries concerns and even stress. It ended up all working out and I had enough time to tackle everything like a chimp I mean champ but I’m going to keep it as I like that typo it seems fitting to as I was chimp like as well.

Here are 2 videos i did before i left

silly house tour https://www.youtube.com/edit?video_id=-E5i6Jt-Zcg&ns=1

Jess Shares about her Upcoming Travel Plans https://www.youtube.com/edit?ns=1&video_id=U46_TBJx-r8

Author: Jessica Schab

Memoirs of a Former Mystic - Blogs I've written many blogs but the series about my time in Bali, Indonesia, when my radical changes took place, is what has garnered the most curiosity and acclaim. In it, I share everything about that process from beginning to end and in great detail, so that others can get to know me and better understand what I am about. My Bali Blog series is an exploration of my own personal confusion towards rational thinking that has helped myself and others to see our own cognitive dissonance. It exposes the many things that we hide from ourselves and why. ​I highly suggest to read the blogs in order, from part 1 to 5. Otherwise, it will be hard to understand the content. I myself am shocked to realize that I had no idea how conditioned and problematic my spiritual beliefs were until I wrote these blogs; how they affected every aspect of my life and created so many unnecessary problems, making me so afraid to even dare to think or imagine my life and who I was without them. I can see now the contradictions I had to want to understand, watching these elements fight within me, planting mine fields of self-destruction in my mind when I forced myself to think without spiritual beliefs that acted like a drug for me, often times taking over my mind and thinking for me. How could I get myself to stop protecting these beliefs? Such a question led me to understand why others are so keen to choose irrationality instead of logic when it comes to their ideologies. It's one of the many reasons that led to me speaking up about why I am so concerned about this movement and the dangers of these beliefs. I would describe my changes as a massive tidal wave; a tsunami sweeping me and everything I was familiar with away. I honestly do not think I would have made it had I not learned how to surf my psyche. You would think the tidal wave would be the worst of it, right? So did I. I can say it’s not the case. You can ask people who have experienced a massive tsunami or any natural disaster and they will tell you the worst part is actually the aftermath; dealing with the dramatic shift, and in my case the psychological changes. How does one go on after something like that? What next? It’s not like one can go back to how things used to be and forget it ever happened; the experience echoes in your bones. It’s futile and insane to rebuild the old and familiar in your psyche and to encourage former hopes and beliefs. Especially because it often is what beckoned and fuelled the tsunami to begin with. When you get to the root, you must start completely new so as not to recreate the past. ​Ha! Easier said than done! So, these blogs are also an invitation and challenge to detect what is confusion and what is fact. To have people ask themselves: Are my beliefs thinking for me? It becomes more apparent and easier to pinpoint and reduce one's conditioned thinking when one finishes the whole series in order. Then, one can see their own results on how they scored with detecting and exploring their own cognitive biases.​ Best of luck. ​Enjoy and please let me know what you think :-)

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