Here I am now. Life has changed so much in a short time. In some ways I have discovered new parts of myself and found new liberation, but in other ways I am just beginning and perhaps have yet to be born. There is still no word on my brother, Forrest. At least I did what I could to help find him, but I get the feeling he does not want to be found. With some things we just have to surrender and let them be, but faith and hope can still remain. There still may be a day when he will come back into our lives and we could be a family again—well, what’s left of it.
There is a saying from Disney’s Lilo and Stitch: “Our family is little and broken but still good.” Now, though, it seems like my family is broken up even more. Even if we wanted to stay in BC, it does not seem like we can anymore. It is a shame that just when the weather was getting nicer and jobs were coming in for my family, it became time to go. I can no longer help them, either. Though it was hard, it was worth keeping my family together. There is really only so much one can do, though, and now it is time for us all to part, not knowing where any of us will end up. It is so hard to have to leave my beloved mom and brother in BC, but it is time for them to learn to stand on their own. I know they can do it.
I am here in Ontario. I moved out here with only two suitcases. It does not matter, though, because I have lived out of suitcases for so long and care not one bit for material things. I won’t say I am not sad because I am. I can wish that many things were different, but there is no point in doing so. It’s so easy to fall into sadness, but I will refuse to go there. Surely there are hidden gifts and meanings here somewhere. I will find them and more of my purpose along the way, as purpose is expansive and ever-changing, existing in so many dimensions within us.
So here I am again in Toronto, creating a new life and new work. I do not know what I will be doing. I hope I will be able to see my family again.
I do not really know anyone here, so I can either be sad and depressed about this or excited that a new adventure is opening up. I can be more determined that my family will find a better life for themselves.
Once again, we must demand more not from each other but from ourselves.
I am asking myself, “What can you do now? What can you give to the world that is new?” In my heart I say, “Milk your light in as many different ways you can. Give yourself away to this world like rain, so everything and everyone can grow into its lovely potential.”
Warm embrace laced in grace.
Thank-you for you being you.
We are the answer to our prayers