1. A Confession
Hello, my dear tumbleweeds. I hope this blog finds you well. Here I am again with another blog, which is starting off with a short confession. In my last blog I shared more about where I was at with my dad and how my relationship with him was not totally healed. I wrote that because I was intending to recover from my pain with a co-collective, time travel healing experiment. I promised myself that I would do this experiment, and now I feel better. But I would not have felt better had I not written the last few blogs or shared my story on Project Camelot. My healing intention was not selfish because I also rigged it for others to be healed just by witnessing my message. I was aiming towards a spontaneous healing, an idea I got from thinking about the opposite of spontaneous combustion. I feel that the spontaneous healing is now set in place and will be raining down on everyone soon enough. Wow, I feel good after that confession! I was so looking forward to sharing that with you.
2. As Promised
The whole Anastasia series in the green cover version is now available online for free, thanks to an anonymous friend whom I am sure is reading this. (What you did is much appreciated!) Here is the link. There is also a link for the books on a web site called The Pirate Bay.
Now if these links do not work for you, add me to Skype and I will Skype the whole series to you for free. They do not take long to download, nor do they take up much space on your computer. If you like, you can print them out and go out into nature. Enjoy everyone!
Next thing, my 2012 Part 5: Beyond the Hologram Dimensional Jive is out. You can find it and my other videos on my YouTube channel, jessicamystic1. I made a bunch of videos before I left for Europe and while I was in Europe, some of which I will share throughout this blog. I wanted to make video blogs of all the countries I visited so I could take you all with me when I traveled. I also made some videos where I answered questions that people asked me in e-mails. Though they were fun, the sound and video quality is not the best, so I stopped. I will not add the rest until the quality is much better, and I am working on that.
There is also did a live video interview I did with Jo Conrad in Germany. I have not done one like this since Project Camelot. Then there is another live video interview in which I turn the tables on Jo Conrad and I interview him, which I am also pretty proud of. These can be seen on Vimeo.
The speech I did for the major “Science and Spirit” conference in Spain is now up. You can see it here.
3. Back Together
The last few weeks before I left for Europe, right after finishing my blog, Goose called me saying that he got invited back to British Columbia to see Irene-Maus:Gravenhorst and Charles Holmes, but he was not sure about taking the offer because I was in the area. I said, “That should not be a problem. After all, you will need a place to stay, and you helped us get this place. As I see it, this place is also your place.”
Goose said, “I do not think you really gave us a fair try. I mean, we were both at our worst. Now that we are our best again, let’s see how things work.”
Well, he did have a good point. If we did as good as we did at our worst, imagine what it would be like when we would be at our best. It was something worth exploring.
When Goose arrived, we played house like two young kids. We took over all the duties and responsibilities of having a place. I tried to cook for Goose, but I got so lost in my rich inner world that my dinner magically alchemized into coal and fire. I then made an attempt to do some laundry, but I did not know how many clothes to put in the washer, and so for a time the machine did not work. I felt so badly, but Goose said, “It is OK. It is only a machine that can be replaced, but you cannot be replaced.”
Goose has some strange affinity with things like ironing. He loves it. I have never ironed in my life and see nothing wrong with going out wearing creased clothes. I can always say “This is the new style.” But Goose and that silly iron! He is so present to his earthly activities that he presses down on his folded t-shirt sleeves in a very specific way. Oh, perfectionists are such baffling creatures, caring so much about things like this. With a man in the house at that time, I no longer had to worry about my mom doing silly things.
If you guys think I am naïve, you should see my mom. One time, my friends and I took her out to play pool with us, and she started asking men there if they would be interested in coming back to our place to move some furniture. When I heard this, I said, “Mom, you cannot say things like that!”
She replied, “Why not, Jess? We cannot move those pieces by ourselves.”
“Yes, I know, but in the world we live in now, what you just said could easily sound like a code for sex.”
It was funny to see the men who came to our house be surprised that Mom actually meant moving furniture. These guys were good sports and helped move the furniture, laughing as they did. Then they went back to the bar.
With Goose around, Mom no longer needed to make such silly requests!
The last time I left for Europe, I was eager to go and do my thing, but this time leaving for Europe was sad. I did not want to leave my family and Goose, nor was it possible for me to bring them with me. For some reason, I always travel alone when it comes to my work. It was not so much that I wanted to give up my mission for a guy, but I felt that speaking was not enough action, and projects were more needed now. So many are now speaking messages similar to mine. I am glad to have given that facet of myself to the world, but now I can shake the feeling. There is more I can be doing, but what?
People need to witness change in their families and communities. Partnering up with others is a good way to get things done fast, but not always. The process is what intrigues me. So how does one take their inspiration and bring it into physical, tangible creation? I think this is what we need to focus on when teaching our children. They have such great ideas, but they quickly become discouraged when they are not taken seriously or are told they must grow up first before they can do it, only later to forget. I plan to make a video about this and go into further detail.
I was feeling pretty excited to do a project with Goose, but that would have to wait because Europe was calling. It was hard for me because I knew I would miss him. We had gotten very serious again, making all kinds of future plans right before I left.
Also, right before I left for Europe, my mom was getting into my blogs and stayed up until 3 a.m. reading every one of them. She was really proud of them and said, “It is really neat to read how you see our life compared to how I see our life.” I said, “Do you now understand, Mom, why so many people love you and send you their best without even knowing you?” It was good for her to finally get a better idea of what it is I do.
4. Jessica’s Guide for Travelers Exercise
My trip to Europe was very last minute. It came about when I shared that I was not sure if I would be going to Europe. This was because the last time my expenses were covered by the people who ran the conference in Spain, but this time they would not be able to do it because the economy is so bad. When one of my friends heard this, she said, “No, no! You must go to Europe. I will tell you what. I will help you get out there because I am a flight attendant.” And so rather than spending $2,000 to fly to Europe, I spent $200 to fly standby, but this required a lot of waiting at airports, more than usual. If you are flying standby, it does not guarantee that you will get on that exact flight, so the next flight might not be for a couple hours or it might be the next day. This brings up something I call “Jessica’s guide for travelers exercise.”
As a frequent traveler who does a lot flying and waiting in airports, I try to find creative uses of my time. I try not to read or write but rather challenge myself to make my own “get out of boredom” free card. To me, boredom can be a pretty lazy creature that suffers from uncontrollable procrastination disorder.
The first thing to understand is that everything and everyone is an opportunity for enlightenment, and there are infinite ways to dispense this. This is an important thing to ingrain in your brain. Each moment you need to ask yourself “What can I do?” We know that intent is the key. Let me explain.
On the plane, I make a point to walk up and down the aisles. This is not just for exercise but to see how many people I can make eye contact with. Then through my eyes I blast what is called a “gift ball of light.” I encode it with a certain color that I feel is most appropriate at the time. The gift ball of light consists of not my truth or their truth but the truth.
Then I lace this light with unconditional love and the understanding enthusiasm their spirit had before they signed up for this mission. This was when their confidence was at 100%, and they thought to themselves, “No, God, it is fine. I got it. I can handle all this. Let me do it.”
I will also add to this gift ball of light about one cup of optimum health. It is like a symphony of classical music, and at first the musicians are playing off key because the conductor does not feel well. So we heal him, and with that the conductor is clear again. The cells, atoms, electrons, and quarks in their inner universe can all play in harmony. And rather than hearing each one trying to play their own song, we all work on one grand song that has elements and flavored notes of everyone.
Then I add two cups of compassion, unconditional love, and respect for all life. Watching how people respond to it is the fun part.
So when you’re waiting at the airport, try to make eye contact with everyone you see. If they do not look at you, try sending the gift light ball. Watch as they slowly look at you with familiarity and confusion, wondering why you are looking them in the eyes. You should not be doing this, so they say to themselves, “Oh, there’s a pole. Quick, let’s stare at it.” They do this because people have this strange mental contract on the psychic plane to not make eye contact with anyone. And if it happens in an elevator, they look away to not feel awkward and wait for the time to pass.
What is up with that? It might be a good idea to change the contract with other souls when this comes about or find a way to get people smiling and open to accepting UFK, also known as “unexpected flying kindness.”
Speaking of unexpected flying kindness, when I sit in a window seat and gaze out at the marshmallow land of clouds, I always see an audience of angels applauding me. They are always so pleased to see the self-existing, self-fulfilling, self-knowing light take flight. And with this I look down at the miniature world, and in my imagination I am now an alien flying my spacecraft, looking down on the boxes of separation, be they houses or toy cars.
Sometimes I will astral travel to the wing of the plane and sit there in the lotus position with the intent to create a huge portal that would allow this plane to fly to a dimension of kindness. Then when the people get off the plane and life takes them where it will take them, kindness will always be present.
I turn my gift ball of light into golden paint of consciousness and witness one drop fall into someone’s pool. The next person to swim in that pool might come out of that pool with a whole new set of eyes on the world and be unplugged from the system.
Now inspiration saturates and marinates my pores, and excitement runs rampant to and from my core. I dip in my paintbrush and paint the whole city with this golden light. It is like painting a house. I make tic-tac-toe patterns on the ground. I can see the people’s spirits bathing in this golden light paint and there is gratitude. The people’s merit is no longer transparent unto themselves, and this is the goal.
Side effects may include:
- disappearance of depression,
- the desire to be in nature,
- the ability to really listen to your loved ones,
- the ability to see life with a new light.
By the way, the gift ball of light also works on pets.
5. Galicia: Developing My Speaking Chops
I remember being very tired when I arrived in Frankfurt, Germany. Before I travel, I rarely get the sleep I need because I like to sponge up as much time as I can with my friends and family. When I am on the plane, I find that I cannot sleep at all. In Frankfurt, I did a video interview that was briefly posted on Vimeo, but it has since been taken down. I was extremely tired for this one. It was to the point where I almost fell asleep in the middle of filming. It was not really a professional interview; rather, it was more casual and laid back, so I do not feel so bad about being so sleepy. Also, Luis, the interviewer, knew I was exceedingly sleepy. To top it off, the next day I had to leave super early to A Coruña (in Galicia, Spain) to see my dear friends .
It was great to see them. We just picked up our life from the last time, but it was also really busy. I had various small conferences that were a great chance to just practice and get more comfortable speaking in public. I remember very well when I flipped from being so nervous (“Oh golly, please get me out of here”) to “Yes, I can do this. It is not so bad.”
Having to say the same thing over and over again has always been annoying to me, so I had to change my perspective on that. First off, many speakers, especially motivational speakers, have to share their story over and over. It goes with the territory. There are many people who have not heard me speak before, so I cannot just go into the “beyond the beyond.” I have to prepare people for that.
I think of it now more like a singer’s concert. There are people who are familiar with the hits and love to hear their favorite songs. They say, “We want to hear it again because of the comforting feeling we get from them, and we want to relive this special feeling. We are also excited to hear the new songs our favorite artist has written.”
An artist makes the crowd her friend so she can feel comfortable enough to share new stuff on the spot and have fun and not be taken so seriously when she messes up. That was a major change I noticed when I compared my first conference with this last one. In the first one, I took myself too seriously. The ones I did afterwards were more laid back and fun. If I messed up or forgot something, I just hummed a silly tune until it came back, which was surprisingly fast.
Another thing that made me more comfortable speaking was knowing that back home I had a sweetheart waiting for me and cheering me on. I could feel his warmth in my heart. I had this feeling that “everything is OK.” It always is no matter how nervous or lousy I think I do. People always love my message anyway.
Aside from the conferences, there were also tons of readings. I rarely do readings now, but when I got to Spain there were so many people asking about them, and so I decided to do them. I will share one of them.
A woman wanted to know what her mission was. After speaking with her for a bit to see if I could figure it out, I got nothing. It all kept coming back blank. Then suddenly, out of the blue, she started to tell me about this one experience she had on a trip. She saw this man pass out and fall to the ground, and without a thought she put her hands on his chest and energy came out of her hands. This energy was so powerful and intense that the man came to. She then asked me, “What was that about?”
I said, “It sounds like you’re an unconscious healer. Life is funny like that. Most of the time, we just live our normal life. Then when opportunity arises, we find that we are capable of something really special. There is no training or planning. When that special moment arises, you find to your amazement that you know exactly what you need to do. And when that moment passes, you go back to your normal life a changed person.”
There was this one girl who wrote me this really long e-mail, and I was really impressed with how she shared with me her journey. At the end of the e-mail, she said, “If you ever come to Spain, let me know. I am in Vigo.” I always am so intrigued how people can be so in tune with me and be led to my videos and then write to me. When they do, it is always so perfect with where I am in life. People are syncing with me, and I am syncing with them.
I told her to come and visit me, and she brought her partner with her and her friend who acted as her personal translator. (They were all ladies and were not comfortable with my male friend translating.) It turns out the reading was not for the girl who wrote to me, nor was it for her partner. It was for their translator! She agreed to come, thinking that she would not be on the spot, and I suspect that was a divine trick to get her out to see me. Even though the reading was mainly for the translator, it could not have occurred the way it did had it not been for the other two ladies being present. What was really neat was watching the before-and-after changes to everything: the body language, the joy level, etc.
We capped that week with a gathering at Anai’s and Jorge’s house where people came over to share about what was going on the world and what they could do about. They spoke about how the people could band together. These people wanted to create light communities for Galicia, Spain.
There would be eco-communities and light schools for their kids, and they wanted to see what everyone could contribute to the vision. Because it is illegal in Spain to put your kids in home school, a new type of school would have to be created. They brought up every problem they were facing, and they discussed what they could do about it. Then they made a plan to ensure that the ideas could work. I was getting teary-eyed watching everyone gathered there. They all found each other because of me and were discussing and doing the things I had dreamed of for so long. It was such a beautiful sight. It was real and actually happening—no pinching was necessary.
While we were talking about what we could do, I mentioned our need to play more. Someone said, “That is what the kids are doing right now. We better get out there and play with them.”
We started off with some dancing with the kids. Each person had to go into a circle and do a certain move, and everyone else had to copy it the best they could. Then we did a giant finger painting mural.
Moving on, I mentioned in a previous blog that I started drinking green smoothies for my health. I kept up with the green smoothies pretty well until one morning when I went out to collect my greens from my friend’s garden. I did not notice that one particular leaf had a big fat green caterpillar hanging on for dear life. I threw everything in the blender, and thankfully Jorge looked in my blender and said, “Um, you might want to remove that caterpillar unless this is something you fancy trying!” After that I got scared and turned off from green smoothies, thinking that some fat caterpillar could camouflage its way into my smoothie. Every green smoothie I drank afterwards tasted like what an imaginary ground up caterpillar might taste like. Hakuna matata. (That’s Swahili for “no problem.”)
Shortly after that I headed to Madrid with my friend. It was only an hour flight, and upon arrival we got picked up by a friend, Maria, whom I met the last time I was in Europe. She flew all the way to Galicia to visit me and insisted that the next time I came to Spain and visited Madrid I must stay at her place. I made my first video at her place and thoroughly enjoyed her lovely house and all the abundant vegetation she showed me. We met up with another friend who did a radio interview with me. He was also keen to come on some of our nature trek adventures.
After a few days of frolicking and doing radio interviews in Madrid, it was time for the big conference. What was cool about this conference was that all the people I met from the first conference were there, so it was a happy reunion of what felt like old friends even though I only met them a couple months prior. I also finally got to meet Rafapal of www.rafapal.com. my friend Harold had wanted me to meet him for a long time. Harold said that he is another person who helped bring me to Spain. Rafapal gifted me with a Nikola Tesla t-shirt, and I started sharing some information about Tesla. He then felt compelled to film a little interview with me. He also insisted I repeat some of my experiences and messages. Here is the interview: part 1 and part 2. Rafapal is working tirelessly to inform people about everything going on in this world in order to awaken humanity.
I was really feeling on the spot after my conference. People were looking at me as some deity, which made me feel uncomfortable. So while everyone was watching me, I did this huge burp, and I joked because I know everyone saw me do it. I pointed to Harold and said it was him, and Harold said, “No, it was Jessica.” Someone responded, “How dare you accuse our Jessica of such a thing! It was you, you pig.” Harold and I were taken aback. It was like they could not fathom that I could do such a thing, and so it just did not register into their reality and was canceled out.
It is weird to witness this mind trick first hand. I mean, we hear about this phenomenon all the time, but it is quite another thing when you see it for yourself. It makes you wonder how often we do this to ourselves without ever being aware. This is a good example of all the reality out there that we are not aware of because we do not allow it to bleed through into our reality. There is only so long we can file such things to the bottom of our to-do pile before what was at the bottom has now risen to the top and needs our immediate acknowledgement. We can run, but we cannot hide from reality.
After that I sat down and spoke to five young women about being a woman in these times, why it is so important to be awake, and what we as women can do. I really wish this was recorded. We spoke about being natural and having authentic confidence.
Shortly after that it was time for my presentation. The tech boys were not prepared to deal with a Mac computer’s PowerPoint presentation, so after many attempts it was decided that I would do my presentation without PowerPoint images. I decided I would tell everyone what had happened and do my best to explain to everyone the pictures so they would have a detailed visualization. In my opinion, this presentation was the best I have done so far because I was not nervous at all. In fact, I was very comfortable—so comfortable that I would sing little ditties to jog my memory when the thought stealer came by for a brief visit or when I needed to recall where I left off in my presentation. Apparently, doing this worked very well.
I did run out of time with my presentation, but Miguel, the man who ran the conference, allowed me to continue until I got the key parts out. I also managed to slip in a few Spanish words that I had picked up, and I felt proud to share them even though it was not much Spanish.
After the conference, people were lining up to hug me and to share their excitement and warmth with me as they struggled to say a few kind English words.
6. A Lot Happened in Olot
Harold and I stayed as late as we could at the conference, this time helping to pack up everyone’s merchant booths. Then we hopped in a car with two other friends and drove the whole night to Olot, which is about 40 minutes from Barcelona. The whole night I heard Harold and Henrick telling jokes and interesting stories in order to keep the driver awake. All the while I did my best to sleep through the sea of laughter.
I awoke to find myself at the place that was to be my temporary residence for this trip. You can see the video of the place here. The home was made in the 1641 and was still standing tall and proud. In those days things were made to last. The house was covered in climbing plants with little purple flowers. The house was surrounded by many acres of lush nature, even its own little stream with fresh clean water. Sadly, such a thing is rare nowadays.
There were also loads of forests to explore with random cattle roaming about freely and happily going about doing cow things for cow reasons. Often the cows would leave fresh steaming cow pies. My friend Juanpa almost stepped in one, and I said, “Oh no! Look out!” Juanpa smiled and said, “No problem.” Then he took off his shoes and socks and stepped right into a cow pie. At first I was really grossed out until I was talked into giving it a try. Juanpa was the proud owner of this land, and he had such a connection with this place and such a zest for nature that I felt inspired. I wanted to have that same connection with the land that he did. He would show us the wild white mushrooms that grew there and the right time to pick them. You would know when because the mushrooms would jump right into your hands.
Juanpa told me that all this came about after being inspired by my talk. He too felt that the Earth was calling to him to help co-create with God. He was so grateful, and he felt this sibling-like connection. He wanted me to bring my family and consider moving to Spain. This paradise could be my new home. The idea was a lovely thought, but could this actually work? I know Mom would love this place. And Steve? Well, he could get used to it. They would both have to learn another language. That can be looked at as either an adventure or a frustration.
Then I thought about Goose. How would he fare here? Yes, it is true he said he would be fine moving or living anywhere in the world, even if it was in the middle of nowhere, so long as I was with him. But would he really be happy here? Would he fit in? Goose still feels a connection to the city. I had a hard time imagining him gallivanting about in bare feet. I do not want this relationship to be just about my wants. I would rather meet him halfway, or maybe it would be better for us not to be together. What if this lovely Spanish family met Goose and did not jive with him? Would they make me doubt us? Granted, this had happened in the past. Was this a test or a sign?
Meanwhile, gatherings were held at pieces of property that Juanpa was taking care of, and here I got to see some more friends from my last visit. I ended up being on the spot in which people wanted me to share my message and help them, which I did. I even made some arrangements to meet up with some people in that area who had written to me and wanted to see me. They were inspired to follow through on their passion after being inspired by my message. One was writing a book and wanted to talk with me about it.
Throughout the night Juanpa and his wife heard people asking me about ETs, hollow Earth, and time travel. The next morning a gentleman came over to share his experiences about being taken on ships where he was trained to be telekinetic. It was easy to do on the ship, but I wanted him to try it when he was not on the ship. I chose something challenging like a small rock, and he was only able to move it a little bit.
He then shared this story about being on a train, and these three people boarded the train and sat right in front of him. They were clearly not human in their mannerisms, the way they looked, and how they smiled. It was a synchronized smile, and it seemed like it was the first time they had ever tried smiling in a human body, so it seemed awkward and exaggerated. It was as if there were a command that they all needed to smile at once. They seemed to be dressed strangely too. He said they knew a lot about him, and it seemed like they came by just to see him—just another starseed sharing their neat experiences.
The next day Juanpa said that many had called to try to do another rush gathering before I headed to Sweden. We did more fun activities like archery. I am a Sagittarian after all. How I could I say no to the half-human, half-horse? But he and his wife said the next time they would not be attending because they did not like the alien and New Age talk. They felt it was not as important as talking about gardening and working the land. They also felt the people were just wanting a piece of me, like they were more interested in Jessica Mystic, her miracles, and what she could do for them rather than getting to know Jessica Schab. I contemplated this and wrote a poem about it, which I called Liked For You or Your Miracles?
I understood how they felt, but it sounded like if living with them were to work out, I would have to let go of Jessica Mystic and only be Jessica Schab. This is nice, but Jessica Mystic has important work to do, and she is as much Jessica Schab as she is Jessica Mystic, and she is my job. It is like telling a singer not to sing. Could I really give up my work as Jessica Mystic to have a nice home in Spain with my family? Granted, one can be more than one thing, but I think I want to be invited as the total package and not just for a part of me.
Time raced past us, and before any of us knew, it was time to head off to Sweden to see Kiesha Crowther (“Little Grandmother”). We wanted to explore if she would be interested in speaking at the Hanna House for the awakened youth that needed guidance and support. So Juanpa and his wife drove me to the airport where we said our goodbyes.
When it was time to board the plane, there was an announcement that the flight would be delayed for an hour, but when that hour came there was another delay. Eventually there was an announcement that the flight was canceled due to a strike in France. From then on it got a bit ugly as people were most upset, and the authorities would not let people exit the upper part of the airport. It was a real challenge looking for an exit. It felt like we were in some kind of hamster maze. What were even more annoying were the announcements to please exit the airport. They said we were free to go at anytime, but we really were not. Because we could not exit, people were trying to book new flights.
I took out my computer and put on cartoons so the kids were taken care of while the parents worked on the booking. I waited a while to use the computer. I waited until nearly everyone had used it and then wrote Jorge to tell Juanpa that they got their wish, that I would not be going to Sweden, at least not yet. Late in the evening they came and collected me for another week with them because it was tricky to fly out right away. We did make numerous attempts to rebook but were unsuccessful. It seemed I was destined not to leave Spain, and now I wanted to wait until all the hoopla had died down. Juanpa’s family was really happy to have me back with them and had no qualms about my staying another week. I think Juanpa secretly willed that we would have more time together.
7. Broken Hearts
Where Juanpa lived was pretty much in the middle of nowhere, and because they just moved in, they did not have the best Internet connection. It was really weak, which in a way is a good thing for one who has their computer glued to their head due to work, even though there is life to be lived. Also, most people who know me understand that when I am gone, I am not the easiest one to get hold of, nor am I one to just pick up the phone and call others, especially if it is long distance. My friends and family have learned that just because they do not hear from me as much as they would like does not mean I do not care. We can really be stubborn in our ways.
My family was going through a hard time, and I did not know that Forrest and his girlfriend had broken up and that Forrest was not taking it well. He became so down on himself and the world. He just fell into this pit of despair that no one could talk him out of. No matter what we tried, Forrest had cast himself to the land of broken hearts and could not find his way back. Poor Mom was beside herself trying to think of what she could do to help Forrest.
Then to make matters worse, Steve and his girlfriend had broken up as well, and he too was really down. And to top it all off, Steve and his best friend had to part ways due to the friend witnessing something that put him in witness protection. Steve was utterly devastated and miserable.
During this time Mom had also gotten the news that my oldest brother Lee and his wife had divorced, and he was not taking it well either, beating himself up.
When Goose and I finally spoke on the phone, the connection was not so good, and our signal kept cutting out. He was enveloped by fear and shock because the G20 event occurred right in front of his building. “Oh my God,” he said. “And to think my mom was going to rent our place out to these guys.”
For those of you who do not know about the G20 event held June 26-27th in Toronto, Ontario, the police beat up and arrested a bunch of peaceful protesters. The people who were arrested were kept in really disgusting places and forced to go to the washroom in front of the officers, leaving the women especially to feel totally degraded. There was a cop car that was set on fire and conveniently burned perfectly without exploding, which is rather curious.
You guys might be familiar with this repeating pattern that was done earlier in the 1980s in Germany where police dressed in black street clothes, claimed to be anarchists, and then burned cop cars to start violence at an otherwise peaceful protest. This then gave the police officers an excuse to get rough and use heavy-handed crowd control tactics. Charlie Veitch was down there at the time and was arrested too. I asked Goose if he could help him out in any way he could. It is strange because Canada is such a peaceful place, but Charlie did not experience that.
So here we have the same game used on us yet again. For another example, take the oil spill. Does anyone remember the big “Ixtoc I” Gulf of Mexico oil spill that happened in the 1979? It went on for something like 290 days. So when we are going to catch wise to these patterns and understand what they trying to tell us by repeating the same things over and over again?
Goose was also overwhelmed with trying to help Forrest. It got to the point where he was saying, “If I keep trying to help him, I will soon be needing help. He is making me all depressed and unsure about us and relationships in general. I talk to my friends and family about us, Jess, and they do not think it is good that I hardly hear from you when you are away.”
Now during all this I was seriously considering breaking up with Goose again. I was just feeling conflicted with him fitting into my world and work. I thought that maybe because everyone was breaking up in my family, it was a sign I needed to let him go and move on. All the things going on around him were bringing out his ugly side. It seems that when someone falls into fear, we lose our attraction and interest. It just felt like we were two different people, and we seemed to be in very different places in our lives. Our connection did not seem strong enough. I felt it should be strong regardless if we spoke on the phone or not, sort of like having a special heartapathic link.
And so we broke up again. Now Mom had to tend to the sad hearts of Forrest, Steve, Lee, and me. This was a hard thing for my mother, whose only dream is for her baby birds to be happy and to have a nice home to enjoy them all, a refuge for them to go when the storm weathers us down. It was a real hard summer for the Schabs, and I felt badly that I was not home to help my family, but at the same time I was not around to be there for Mr. Depression’s visit, which could also bring me down. And well, someone needed to stay up.
8. When It Rains, It Pours
Juanpa wanted to cheer me up when he saw that I was having a hard time with family matters, so he decided to take me out for this incredible hike to a waterfall. What was really good about this hike is that we brought Juanpa’s wife along. Juanpa and I were hanging out a lot together, and we tried to include his wife, but she always had house duties. I spent time with her in the house, helping her the best I could, but she did not speak even a little bit of English. The computer’s translator program was not very clear either, so it was challenging to reassure her that she had nothing to worry about me, that her husband and I were just friends. She did understand, and she was grateful that Juanpa and she were becoming closer. They both felt that my hanging out with him helped him better understand his wife so that he could live more in the heart and less in the mind. There were also times when we would try to bring Gemma out on some of our outdoor adventures, but she just did not enjoy them as much as we did. It was not her thing, and we had to respect that.
I am not going to lie. Yes, I found Juanpa to be very handsome. He has some ideal qualities, and I did say that to Juanpa and his wife. He responded, “Then we need to find you a clone of me.”
I want to get something straight here. Most women, when they find their “ideal” man who also happens to be taken, will not care about this factor. They still pursue him as if the universe had made some mistake. I do not think like that. I do not get jealous of other people’s happiness. I am happy for them and want to help them be even happier. I just trust the universe and know it will lead me to the right guy when the time is right.
I did think about Goose, and I was so worried that they would not jive with him and me, that I could have brought him all the way out here for some serious awkwardness. Maybe I was doing him a favor.
Anyway, back to the hike. Gemma came along, and it was a good chance to bond with her and have her husband translate for us. The hike was only supposed to be a few hours, but we ended up getting lost and going farther and farther away from the main trail, and it was mostly uphill. On our hike I would point out every little ruin or cave or hollowed tree and say, “Maybe this could be my new home.” These were half-serious jokes I would tell to keep everyone’s spirits up despite our being hopelessly lost. We did eventually find our way out to a lovely, pre-waterfall swimming hole where silver fish swam near you. The water was a gorgeous light emerald green that was crystal clear. The water was cool but very refreshing.
Then we got to the giant waterfall, and of course we swam in that one too. It is really cool to be right under the waterfall while swimming. We looked up and saw people scaling down the waterfall for some extreme adventure. (I would like to do that someday, so I will put it on my bucket list.) We soaked in all the beauty as our reward for our arduous journey.
No sooner had we finished our swim and got dressed when spontaneous little drops of rain started to fall. Then there was a downpour. Everything—and I mean everything—got soaked, even the things we were trying to keep dry. It rained so much that our way back was really flooded. At first I was trying to avoid getting my shoes wet by putting them in my non-waterproof bag. We tried our best to cling to plants that were jutting out of the rocky walls. We did OK. Our feet got used to stepping on rounded rocks.
Nature even showed me an amphibian cheerleader. He was a fat toad named Ed who seemed to be an expert in things like this. The way he clung onto the rocks was very instructive. It made me think back to the days when I was a kid and pretended that I was a tree frog. Maybe if I embodied those skills I would fare better now.
We walked for what seemed like forever, and the rain had not let up once. I guess nature insisted that we have a perpetual shower. As we continued on we did find a little ruin that other people had sought shelter in. It was a good place to have a break and not get wet. We waited for a very long time, but still it poured, and so we continued with our shoes on. The paths were flooded, so now our shoes were fully soaked. And as we walked, I would grab onto a tree and release it just as Juanpa and his wife walked by to soak them even more. They laughed and did the same thing to me.
Finally after eight hours straight of being on our feet, we found our way back to our car. The sky had cleared up, the sun was out, and the birds were chirping as if it had not rained at all. Our legs were so weak and wobbly as the car loomed nearer into view. When we finally reached the car, we collapsed and scrounged for sweet, sweet food scraps.
Although I really bonded with Juanpa, his wife, and his beautiful four year old daughter Maria, I was starting to think that maybe I should not live here with them. Juanpa did not like this thinking, so he showed me a nice piece of land where I could build my home. I really liked the idea of building my own home. In fact, around that time I thought about projects I could do with my family that would also help make the world a better place. I could bring the family together while gaining valuable skills.
Something that could also take their minds off life’s dramas would be building Habitat for Humanity homes for people who had none. Even if we lost our home again, at least we would know how to build another one. Also, I think that having carpentry skills would also help us feel closer to Dad, knowing the kind of work he did. He got his hands dirty and had something to show for it at the end of the day. That is really appealing to me. Even though I do not agree with the way we build structures here, I can take the know-how and apply it to building a dome or adobe housing.
I was contemplating not wanting to live in Spain with Juanpa and his family because I did not think it was right to horn in on this family. I felt that it would be hard on Gemma, and the neighbors would talk and assume he had two wives or something. If I were with Goose, then everything would be totally different, but I was not with him there, so it just did not feel right. I had to accept the fact that this place could not be my home.
9. Next Ausfahrt: Germany (“Ausfahrt” is German for “Exit”)
At that realization came my time to leave this awesome family and move on to Germany. All the attempts prior to going to Sweden just did not work, so I decided to skip Sweden and go to Germany.
The first stop there was Bremerhaven to meet a new friend whose name I won’t mention. This friend would Skype me and share vast amounts of information even at 3 a.m., pouring out and sharing everything. He knew that someday we would meet in person, and now it was happening. As usual with people who share this with me, he did not know why we were to meet, but maybe we would find out when we met in person.
I stayed in Bremerhaven with the Winklesteins (not their real name). Jorge was excited for me to meet them because they were friends with Jo Conrad, and they booked a meeting with him. Jo Conrad is really well-known in Germany for his informative videos. My introduction to him was the Avatar video he made, which impressed me greatly. He was cool, witty, and very down to earth.
He had also been slandered by people who were threatened by the information he was sharing. He was called a Nazi; however, Jo is anything but. It seems they call you that if they want to discredit you or get people to not be interested in your work. Germany is a strict place. You can only paint your house certain colors there, and even the names of your children have to be approved. Even though Germany is gorgeous and has beautiful thatched houses with little gardens, it still has this dense energy in the air from all the World War II pain and guilt. The land is beautiful, so it was hard to imagine most everything there had been bombed to smithereens. I learned also that the Germans were still at war, and they did not even know it.
The people there were always made to feel guilty about the war. It was forced down the kids’ throats at a young age. They were told, “Your country is responsible for this horrible thing, and because you were born in this country, this stigma will now be stitched to your forehead to carry and share the weight.” Knowing what we know about the war and the people responsible for it, we know it is not the Germans who need to feel this total guilt because that can be crippling as well.
We really should recognize this pattern by now. The Illuminati always use scapegoat countries and people. For example, Japan was used for Pearl Harbor, and Hitler was used during World War II. Bush and our newest one, Oh-bah-meh, are the most recent examples. Hmm, I wonder why they call it a scapegoat? Maybe these people and countries are more like sacrificial lambs. Perhaps it is decided by a roll of a dice or maybe they draw straws. Who knows? After all, a country can easily be seen as a macro version of a person.
I think it would be more productive if rather than creating guilt, the people could be more vigilant about not letting such things happen again, not just in their country but in all the countries. That is what we should be doing every Remembrance Day or Memorial Day, working for such a thing not to happen again. We must assess things that threaten to push things this way and thwart them rather than wearing those ridiculous and offensive red paper poppies.
By the way, the poppy is the symbol of opium, the drug that was brought back in the dead soldier’s coffins to their home country. The poppy also reminds me of the haunting little song that young kids sing: ring around the rosey, pocket full of posies. Some say that this song is either referring to the black plague or a bomb. OK, enough sad sack news. I did mention these things in my interview with Jo Conrad. I felt it was important for the German people to know this to comfort and uplift them.
Before doing our interview, Jo, the Winklesteins, and I hung out and watched soccer. The Germans are nuts for their soccer. Oh, sorry, it is not called soccer there but football. They are as crazy about it as Canadians are with hockey. The Germans were also very patriotic when it came to their team. In all honesty, I could care less about sports. I think all of them are just big fat distractions, and I was most uncomfortable with the TV’s buzzing sound that made me feel brainwashed as I watched the game. Jo wanted me to cheer for Germany, but it was not so easy because I was just in Spain. I have ties with both countries. If I cheer for Germany, then the Spaniards would be upset with me, and if I cheered for Spain, then I would offend the Germans, so I decided to cheer for the ball. “Go ball, go! You can do it! You taught me to believe in myself.”
The day of the interview, I woke up to see Hermilla the zit claiming some real estate on the tip of my chin. I wondered who her realtor was and if she was renting or had made a purchase?
The interview I did with Jo was the first really good personal one-on-one interview since the one I did with Project Camelot. I am really proud of this interview and feel the ones who really liked the PC interview of me and hunger for another one will enjoy Jo’s interview as well. I did another interview in which I interviewed Jo. That one I really like as it has some new information, but it also shows another dimension of me.
After the interview with Jo, we went for a walk. We came to a bridge and saw some daring youth jumping off it. Well, I could not let this moment pass me by, so I hopped over the railing and jumped into the water with all my clothes on. I tried to get Jo and the Winklesteins to come in but to no avail. The Sun decided he was going to leave early from work that day, leaving me soaked and cold with no towel to dry me, so I did what a dog would do: I shook it off.
As we walked around I saw lots of happy people children playing and getting lost to the moment. I wondered about the few things that make the cut of our memories as we get older. Would this one make it? Would they think back on these times? Why is it that some things we remember and others we do not? Who decides what sticks and what does not? And can we trust our memories? How do we know if they are real and true or just super-biased compared to how others might see that time?
Then I started to think about all the places where things were going fine and dandy. I started to get annoyed about the news being so biased, trying to make the world a worse place than it actually was. So many places are beautiful, peaceful, and happy. So why are we being judged by so-called enlightened beings? Let them come to Earth without their memory and see how well they do! Why are we being judged for just the bad things? What about all the good things that we do? Do they matter? I wrote a poem about this called An Appeal. Despite all the bad news on TV, the world is really beautiful and good with so many talented and beautiful people, but only if we use our talents for the betterment of the world rather than just for survival.
Speaking of talented, the day with Jo Conrad and the Winklesteins ended with a wonderful visit to Jo’s father’s ranch. I was introduced to a new baby colt that was just getting used to walking around on her wobbly legs and connecting with her mother. I could see how proud the mother was of her little babe. Jo’s father is a terrific sculptor, wood carver, and metalist. It is difficult to invoke the soul through the medium of sculpture, but I saw it in his work. They always had some profound and haunting statement to make. Some of his works were complex, and I was baffled how he was able to carve such pieces.
One piece that stands out in my mind’s eye reminds me of Doctor Octopus from Spider man. It was a half-man, half-machine with various machine legs of saws and clippers, and one clipper was sneaking around his head, insinuating to cut it off. This symbolized how our technology is killing us and taking us over. We live in a world where machines rule and man becomes obsolete. Of course I do not agree with that assessment. It is just another thing we are here to rectify, which makes me wonder: did we come here to see how fast we can mess things up and then see how fast we can fix things? It sure feels that way.
10. The Psychic Girl
The Winklesteins took me to visit a family with a young girl who was very psychically in tune but not in the way we normally think. Most people like to see their psychics like they do their fast food restaurants: fast, cheap, and convenient. But for some psychics, the message does not always come when we want. I know this is the case for me. Someone can ask me something, and sometimes it will come right away, but at other times it just crash lands into my consciousness randomly, like when I am ironing. (I mean if I ever do iron, which I don’t.)
The 9 year old girl that I met was able to give her mom special intuitive information only at the time it was most needed or at the right time. I am not sure how relevant that statement is when we know that time is an illusion (because everything is somehow happening simultaneously.) She also seemed to have some special connection with Michael Jackson even though she did not initially know who he was. She only learned of him when the media was talking about his death, which occurred on June 25, 2009. (It is sad to me that the world seems to care more about a dead king of pop than dead Iraqi babies. Something is wrong with that picture.)
She felt something from him and needed to explore that, and so she researched him and listened to all his music. After this she started to say that he was not dead yet. Then I think it was either a few days or weeks after the public announcement of his death that she said he was dead. He was not dead before, but he was later. The day she said that he actually died fell on a solstice or an equinox. (In the northern hemisphere, there was a summer solstice on June 21st and an autumn equinox on September 22nd, so it must have been an equinox.) It seems to me that most of the recent celebrity deaths have to do with Gloominati ritual stuff that occurs around a solstice or an equinox.
So many of us are still wandering around aimlessly, not sure about our mission. We are trying to prepare and plan for things, but we still seem to be living in an insecure and uncertain world. This had me think about the woman in Spain who got called to go to another country only to see a man collapse. Suddenly, she knew what to do and put her hands on him and saved his life. It was only then that she learned she had healing hands.
Could this woman be an example of how we will be in the future? Will there be a time when we will just know what to do? Will life lead us unexpectedly one day to a place or person whom we had no idea that we would one day help? It sounds like why all of us have come to Earth. Do we have selective amnesia, or do we flip back and forth from an actor being awake for a second and then going back to our role? How do we know or not know that that which we actually do know? Where is that coming from? And what is the reason for it happening in this way? It is like some child is playing with our awake/asleep switch, going back and forth, back and forth. Perhaps this is to help us get used to be awake, like little previews of a movie of life’s coming attractions?
11. Germany and UFOs
Now back to Germany. This country has a lot of UFO activity. They are always in the sky in plain sight but high up. I think it was in the video where I interviewed Jo that I shared the idea that perhaps some “Pleiadians” are actually Germans. People who have contact with certain aliens say they are blond, blue-eyed, tall humans with a German accent. Could it be that Hitler got access to UFO technology around the time of the war, and the war was just a big distraction and testing ground while they played around with UFOs?
In South America there is a place called Akacore where blond, blue-eyed people with German accents live with natives. These Germanic people have UFOs, but they were said to be brought there from Germany. They also have an understanding of time travel. Could it be when they fly around Earth and make contact with other people in the physical they just tell people they are aliens or Pleiadians? It is said that the Germanic people learned about antigravity from some masters in India. They were intrigued about how the masters could levitate, and when they understood how that worked, they applied it to their technology.
Now with this understanding, let’s take into account about people saying that various governments initially sold us out to the bad ETs from the 1930s to the 1950s. That is, the government said, “We will give you access to our people to experiment on in exchange for your technology.” Were they really ETs? I will let you ponder this question for yourself. And if what Andrew Basiago is saying is true and you throw this in the equation, then what do you get?
And what spin does that give us on good ETs and bad ETs? After speaking to many people who have had all kinds of experiences in abductions and the just plain bizarre, there are patterns and themes. I am starting to think that humans are able to use hologram devices and RPG role playing game characters to make people think they are aliens doing stuff to them. That is not to say that this is the case with everyone. There still could be beings who are actual ETs in the physical.
12. Das Boot (German for “Boat”)
The other significant visit I had in Germany was with these two men, a father and son, who lived on a boat. The father looked like and had the personality of the scientist in Back to the Future. The son seemed to be blind but he was not. He could see in another way—just not sure how. Most people who speak with them just could not grasp what they understand and how they see life. They are often seen as eccentric, and indeed they are that. They could also be seen as crazy, but perhaps that is only to the untrained consciousness.
These men claimed that they knew things, and what they knew emanated from their thoughts and got the attention of UFOs. These guys did not have any technology on them at all—no radio, TV, computer, or phones. It seemed like they lived incognito on their little boat. They also do not read or watch any videos or talk to anyone. They could only be found by their friends who had a telepathic link with them to know where they were and if they were on their boat or not. They would say, “Yes, the UFOs know where we are, and when we let our guard down, they try to go after us, so we must be careful.”
I asked them about the UFOs that eavesdropped on their thoughts and vibes. They said, “When they fly near us, they try to tap in on us and steal our thoughts and energy, and we are just drained.”
This made me think of a character my brother and I made up called the “thought stealer,” a creature that lives in your head and favors random thoughts and just takes them and keeps them stored up somewhere like a squirrel and its nuts. One day, this thought creature’s hideout would be revealed to the people, and they would regain their lost thoughts and the memory that goes with them.
Back to the UFOs, the two men said, “Now when we see a UFO, we drain its energy and thoughts before they do it to us. Every time we do this, they leave us alone, knowing we are savvy to their game. We also know that when we see a UFO, we should not to look up but rather look down at the ground. Something is going on there that they do not want people to see. A UFO is a good diversion, but a bevy of beauties would work as well.”
These guys had a very bizarre life. I am not sure I could do justice to everything they said. Their life seemed to be like a James Bond movie with beautiful spies, being captured, and replacing people in their lives with copies. Some things they shared were just so out there that I am not sure if they were telling the truth, so I will just share it, and you guys can take from it what you like.
These guys were obsessed with the “Earth’s computer.” That is what they called it. David Icke shares in his conferences that humans are like computers. We have the same functions as a computer, and we even have a “mother board.” So if we are a micro of a macro of Earth, then Earth herself has her own computer too. This is how I made sense of what they were saying. It was very hard because very few could understand or even keep up with these guys, but they seemed to be pleased with my ability to understand and comprehend what they were saying. However, I do remember many times reaching “system shut down” and “information overload” in talking with them.
They felt that the Earth computer communicated through numbers. To them the sequence and patterns of numbers was a language, and if they paid attention to them, then they would get information about our true past, present, and future—even the hows and whys of it. I recall they would go to these bank machines to get a printed receipt. (Come to think about it, I do not think they even had a bank account, and I have no idea how these guys made money. I forgot to ask that.)
Anyway, they would get their receipt and look at the big string of numbers that the machine printed up. Then they would write down and decode the numbers and get all excited about the message. They tried to explain to me how they did this, but my math skills are exceptionally poor, and I could not grasp it. To them, even street names and numbers were powerful messages. So they would decode one street name and then the next, and it was like reading a book.
The other really interesting thing they told me was about the Bermuda Triangle and missing planes or ships, and also the disappearance of a plane in Poland. To them, these occurrences were related to the Earth’s protective radiation belt and the Sun. Every now and then the Sun will blast out a large flare or coronal mass ejection. Some people monitor this ejection to see what direction it is heading. If the radiation heads to Earth and manages to get through small holes in the belt, then what it touches when it hits will disappear. The strange disappearances of ships and planes in the Bermuda Triangle and in other places may be explained by such a mechanism.
Regarding September 11th, they strongly feel that the buildings were never hit by any terrorist planes or anything like that. They say the whole thing was “Hollywoodized.” Some people claim if you watch the video of the planes crashing into the buildings and slow it down, you will see the planes were special effects put into the video.
If people use TV news and documentary movies to tell them what is happening, then how will we know the truth if the news and documentaries start going Hollywood? Or what if one day Hollywood was secretly filming and doing special effects in your community? Could you tell the difference between that and the real news? What will happen when people learn that their ideas about reality are mostly false thoughts planted by the media? How could we know the difference between movies and real life? Surely sooner or later the line would blur.
I think about a person who was in jail their whole life with nothing to do. They would have no other people to talk to, and the only thing they could do was watch TV all the time for the first 30 years of their life. What would happen if one day they were released from their prison and were sent out to live in the world? What would be that person’s view of reality then? Would they be able to tell the difference?
OK, getting back to the September 11th. They were claiming that there were no planes that hit the two World Trade Center buildings. The secret government knew they were going to disappear and realized that would be too much for the people to fathom and would risk opening people’s minds. What would the people suppose if one day two major well known buildings (plus WTC 7!) and everybody in them just disappeared?
So the shadow government knew this would happen beforehand, maybe even very early on because it seems that even the original Tarot card maker knew about the two towers. Some people had access to the script of life while many others were left in the dark to eventually forget they were actors reacting over and over.
It is odd to think that if September 11th was such a surprise, then why were there cameras set up all around at every angle of the building before anything happened? It is as if someone knew something was going to happen and then prepared to film it. I do not know the exact details of how this ruse was done. But with the crazy ideas that these guys were sharing, I had to ask, “Well then, how can the official story about the WTC towers be true? Where in history do we know of skyscrapers falling down and disappearing as the result of a smoky, open-air fire?” For more videos that call into question the official story, look here.
This made me think about other disappearances. Sometime around 2012—give or take a few years—the photon belt veil will be so thin that life as we know it will change forever on Earth. Some say that they will just ascend and exist in another dimension, leaving people behind who still wish to play with 3D dramas. Could the photon belt have something to do with consciousness? Perhaps that is why some will disappear and some will not?
What about the Mayans? What happened to their once flourishing society? They just seemed to disappear, leaving their codes for us to ponder. If we are expected to just disappear one day, then how does this fake alien invasion fit into all of this? Could this be what these guys were referring to? When I asked them, they seemed to be pleased like I had gotten it, but really in truth we will see in time. But I am not waiting, nor am I holding stubbornly to any of my beliefs.
Just think about how much we do not know right now and how much we rely on others for information. Most of us do not know how to make many of the devices we use every day. We just buy them. What if the people who knew how to make these things just died off one day or disappeared? What would we do? All most of us really know is pop culture. What do we really truly know that can make us self-sustaining or self-fulfilling? What are we giving our time and energy to in life, and what quality of life are we getting in return? And what if you want to develop your highest consciousness but do not want your earthly reward to disappear? What if one chooses to stay on Earth in their body? What if many are working to disappear right when things change for the better? And what about people and beings not disappearing but reappearing like nature spirits that exist simultaneously with us?
I have been told that soon the ill-intentioned Gloominati will be removed from the planet. They will not be allowed to do their dark deeds anymore, and there will be no more interference from them. So we shall see how the people fare when the dark ones depart. (So contrary to the usual ascension story, perhaps those who disappear will not be the enlightened ascended ones but rather the Illuminaughties?) Will it be like that test that was done on the dog that was kept in a small space for so long that when it was finally set free it stayed put? Or will it be like the root-bound indoor plant that is set in the garden without having its roots separated? The plant grows in the garden like it was still in the pot until it eventually strangles itself. If one day people were free from years of repression, would they work to make the world a better place or continue to harm themselves, each other, and then the world? I recently wrote two poems about the Illuminaughties and how they will eventually be overcome: The Revealing and The Flip Side.
13. The Special Warmth of Berlin
The Winklesteins helped me catch my train to Berlin, which was about a six hour ride. I spent most of the time writing some new poems. I was still thinking about the two characters I met in Bremerhaven and the idea of life being special effects.
I arrived in Berlin late at night and was picked up by another beautiful family, Tanja and Wolfgang Bochnig and their beautiful daughter, Angelina. A few months prior, Wolfgang contacted me and told me it was his wife’s birthday. He said she was a fan of my work, and it would mean so much if I could send Tanja a little message wishing her a happy birthday. I decided that just sending a little message was OK, but it would be even better if I gave her a call on Skype.
I learned that Tanja was a model who did lots of work in the USA. Not only was she a lovely model, but she had a passion for awesome organic scents and cosmetics. She started her own business called April Aromatics, and she was a most gifted photographer as well—just how good I was soon to learn. I was thinking about people we admire and how we would rather have a little message from them or a whole conversation with them. I know it would be awesome if I could speak with Jewel one day.
So we had a wonderful conversation on Skype, and she said, “If you ever come to Germany, let me know. You are more than welcome to stay with me and my family.” And so that’s how this meeting came about. They had this lovely and spacious home to live in. Tanja and Wolfgang also have a lovely baby girl named Angelina who looks like a little nature spirit. She was so pure and so full of joy that we really bonded. I got lots of good pictures with her.
When I was in Berlin, the weather was unreasonably hot, and as much as I wanted to see the area, I was keener on seeing the beaches and the water that looked oh so inviting. But there was something about these beaches that I did not know about until I got there. Oh my god! No one was wearing any clothes! Oh my god, what the heck is that? At first I did not know what to think. I covered my eyes but peeked a little through the crevices of my fingers. I kept my swim suit on even though I looked like the odd one out. The men lying on the ground could have been sundials as they watched all the women frolicking around. I called this place the land of the wild mushrooms and petunias. I closed my eyes and ran towards the water but tripped over a protruding rock and did a face plant into the water. Before any naked wonder could see if I was OK, I picked myself up and swam far away. Next time, no matter what the bashful sights I might see, I will keep my eyes open.
Tanja and Wolfgang were eager to arrange and manage a conference for me. At this time I was not feeling the best. I had long fallen off the wagon with my Conscious Planet health routine because I was not self-disciplined enough. I also had this awful cold that went to my sinuses, and I was sad about my relationship with Goose, so I spent a majority of my time laying low. I got lots of sleep and tried to catch up on my phone calls as I finally had a good Internet and phone connection.
My family told me they were working on a mystery called “the case of the missing garden vegetables.” They had monitored the garden all day and the culprit did not show, so now Mom and Steve were taking turns doing a night watch. Alas, the culprit never revealed itself. Perhaps it was a raccoon using a St. Germain invisibility cloak to infiltrate my mother’s garden. Goose and I started to talk again, but I was still pretty distant with him. I was busy unfastening my heart from his side as quiet as a sigh.
Tanja rented a really nice place for the Berlin conference. The day of the conference was brutal. The trains and buses were on strike, and it was ridiculously hot. When I got the news I thought, “Wow, looks like no one is going to show up. We might as well cancel everything.” After all, the last thing anyone would want to do on a super hot day is sit in some stuffy, hot building without air conditioning while someone speaks for an hour or so. It would be so much better to go to a sweet, sweet lake for some cool and refreshing perfection. But to my surprise, everyone showed up and listened to me struggle through my sweat-soaked talk.
It was so hot that even speaking was a chore, but I somehow survived it. Then I turned the tables on everyone who showed up and put the camera on them and asked them about their dream mission and passion. What would they like to do, and could we help them accomplish that? Unfortunately, the camera died while people were sharing. Maybe some were nervous and decided to psychically kill the camera. Also, the video of this conference somehow got lost. I reckon it got lost in some vortex that led to another dimension.
The next few days were devoted to readings for people who came to the conference and wanted to do some one-on-ones. I was booked two days solid with this, and all of the appointments went really well. I rarely do readings now, but I do make exceptions from time to time. I prefer to do them in person rather than on the phone or Skype. I like the personal connection.
One person came to see me for a healing. Many years ago he had a car accident, and after he recovered from the accident, he developed some really bad hay fever that made his life hell. He tried everything and thought he had nothing left to lose by coming to see me. Now in my opinion I am not the best healer. It is hit-or-miss with me. If I gave more of my energy to this, I could probably be more effective. As it stands right now, I do not know why it works for some and not for others, but with this guy it worked, and he was very happy and grateful.
Let me share another healing story. Another person came to me because of an African love curse. She had gone to Africa with her man to help the people there, but some natives there did not want the help, so they put a curse on the couple. The curse had left her and her sweetie indifferent to each other, and her life was turned upside down. I said that I would try to lift this curse, to which she replied, “It is not that simple. You see, I tried another healer and she tried to remove the curse. But somehow the person who did the curse knew what they were trying to do and the curse became contagious, so the healer started to get it.”
Hmm, tricky tricky. So I took this case to my psychic laboratory, and the visual I got was a part in the movie Speed with Keanu Reeves where he learns whatever move he does on the bus is being watched by a camera. So he takes that film and loops it so the guy monitoring what is happening is seeing old footage and does not know that at that very moment everyone is escaping the bus. That is what I did with this woman’s curse. I made a copy of her soul matrix energy like a voodoo doll—but on the etheric—and I attached it to no real person but used it as a cover. Very quickly I made the switch so the curse was now on this dummy version of energy, and then I looped it, and it worked. She is now curse-free. And whoever gave it is none the wiser because if they take a peek to see if the curse is still there, they will see that it is—or so they think.
Later that night, I got in touch with some friends from the USA whom I was planning to meet in Berlin when they attended their friend’s wedding. They were also trying real hard to try to make it in for my conference, but that did not work. We still managed to meet up at about 10 p.m. outside on a warm night. We had been talking on Facebook for a while, so it was great to finally meet up and in Germany of all places. And boy, did they have an adventure getting out there. I said, “Let us walk around this place and you can regale me with your story.”
They shared how they were treated very poorly because they were American. They repeatedly waited at the end of very long lines, and no one would talk to them or help them. One of my friends even got stepped on when she fell down! I was shocked to hear this. No one deserves to be treated like this no matter what country they are from. And neither should all Americans be judged because of media bias. Because no would help my friends with flights, and they didn’t want any more delays lest they miss the wedding, they decided to rent a car and drive to their destination on the Autobahn.
For those of you who do not know about the Autobahn, it is a very popular major road where people drive as fast as they like in their best cars. Along the way there are tons of signs saying “Speed Kills” because lots of people die on this road. For some reason, that does not stop people from driving as fast as they like. You cannot go slowly even if you wanted to because all the other cars push you to go faster. My friends realized what they had got themselves into when the driver decided she was not going to stop and get off this infernal thing even though one of the girls had to pee real badly. It was the auto trip from hell.
For my last day in Berlin, Tanja and I wanted to do something fun, and since Tanja loved to take pictures, I suggested doing a photo shoot with her. She really liked the idea! She said, “You can even borrow some of my dresses so we can do changes of clothes.” For the location we chose a botanical garden. The first part of the garden was the green house, and I felt compelled to pose for a picture of me attempting to kiss a cactus. To me, this is a metaphor asking the question how many of us are in relationships with people who have a cactus mentality. They are so ready to be hurt that they develop spikes.
I wanted to get a few shots by a pond, trying to make it look like I was about to fall in, but a security guard said I could not do so in that area unless I want to be kicked out, so I moved on to a new pond location that was not monitored. It was here we did some professional portrait shots and another interview with Conscious Action Network.
Then I continued frolicking in a white dress, teasing the pond with a “will she or will she not jump in?” pose. These pictures ended up being stunning and absolute magic. Tanja and I took a break on a bench, and I started talking about the Anastasia books and how when you read them, wild animals will approach you without hesitation as if welcoming you back to the Kingdom of God. Just as I said that—as if on cue out of some movie—a sweet little chickadee landed right on my lap, looking at me. I held my eye contact as best as I could, but I had to look to Tanja to see her expression and see if she would quickly pull out her camera and capture this. As soon as she reached for the camera, it was like the bird knew our perfect moment of telepathic sync was interrupted, and so he flew away but not too far. He went only a meter away on the tip of a garbage bin and was still looking at me as if begging for a snack.
Well, I wanted to see if I could send a special telepathic message to the bird and have him understand me, so I made eye contact with my little friend and put out my forefinger, telepathically asking him to fly to my finger. And would you believe it? He did! And he sat there for a good bit, but not long enough for Tanja to get a picture, but she is my witness that this really did happen. This was an incredible confirmation for me from Mother Nature herself and will be a memory I will forever cherish.
14. Back to My Roots: Poland
I went to Poland via train as well. I really like traveling by train because it is easier to write and center oneself. As the train gave me a cascade of passing scenery, I let my mind wander, and a poem came to me in which I had an imaginary conversation with a “devil’s advocate” representing the Illuminati. It is called The Flip Side, which I mentioned before.
Before I knew it I had reached my destination, and I started thinking how it was that I was in Poland. I had always entertained going to Poland one day because my mother is Polish and even speaks Polish. But that was not the main reason. I wanted to go to Poland because of my grandfather. He was an inspiration to me, and I was curious to see where my family had come from and what inspired a kind heart such as his. I barely knew him because he died when I was very little.
My mom told me he had a very kind and tender heart, and his experiences would show him that this was the only thing in life of any real value. It all started around the time of the Great War. He escaped being recruited because he saw nothing noble about killing innocent people for his country. And even though he was successful with dodging that bullet, he still fell on hard times because a bomb called the Great Depression had been dropped on the world. It was here that my grandfather saw just how hard it was to get something as simple as a loaf of bread, so when he did get some food he was grateful. I think this experience struck a chord with him and stayed with him his whole life because when he moved to Saskatchewan and acquired a farm, his kindness was known by the whole town.
Grandfather’s farm was located near a prison, and on the occasion prisoners would escape and make their way to his home and steal whatever they could. My mom would say, “Are you going to stop them or call the cops?” And he would say, “No, I guess he needed it more than me.” He really understood a fellow human being’s desperation. Sometimes if the police would apprehend some of the crooks who stole from him, Grandfather would say, “No, he did not steal from me. I gave it to him.” This kindness had the power to even transform these criminals because afterwards they would come back and volunteer to help him in any way they could, especially the time when he fell ill. And when he died, almost the whole town showed up to his funeral. I wrote a poem about him called Grandfather.
I once came across a Buddhist cartoon comic strip of enlightenment that shared a very similar story to what Grandfather did. I am not sure if he read it and made a choice to live it or if he just intuitively knew this was the way to go. Is kindness something mystical that comes from the intuition or true common sense?
How was it that I ended up in Poland? What were the events that led me there? It started not too long before I left to Europe. In the time span of an hour I got an e-mail from five or six people from Poland. None of these people were aware each other, so I took this as a sign. OK, universe, I will go to Poland.
When I arrived in Poland, I noticed that everyone had my face—typical Polish features such as the nose, the cheek bones, etc. Holy cow! The people I stayed with in Poland were not a family but were individuals who created an eco-community. About nine people lived there. They had their own abundant garden where pink flamboyant moths could be free to be themselves. I think moths are the colorful “punks” of the nature world.
The people who lived here had achieved what so many have been dreaming about and working on for a long time, and they had been living like this for a long time. They all bought into the land and built the homes from the ground up. There were two large character homes on the property and one large workshop with a vast abundant garden near the woods. They are very close to being fully self-sufficient. They make their own clothes. They make and paint furniture pieces and sell them. They even have a healing center! The place is plenty big enough to hold conferences as well.
I was really impressed with this place and how they were able to make everything work. First off, the people living there could not just offer one thing. People had to be able to help in their own way with all the jobs, even the cooking. This was not just women’s work. Many hands make light work. The meals they made were truly unique, unlike anything I ever tried before, but I was pleasantly surprised. One particular dish that stood out for me started with cooked rice or noodles, and then they took their black currents and other berries and mashed them up to create a thick, lumpy syrup and poured it on either their rice or noodles, depending on one’s preference. I chose the noodles and found this to be a dinner and desert in one. Mmm!
There were no families or kids at this eco-community, just nine single adults with a rule not to hook up with each other romantically. I am not sure why this is. Maybe it’s because it complicates things. This place intended to be free from the intense bombardment of Christianity in a country where if you did not believe that, then the people would make your life a living hell. This makes no sense to me and is a total oxymoron.
It was not until after the conference that I got to venture outside the eco-community. It seemed like most of the people were sad. Their heads were held down, especially the women. Now I understood why one woman asked me at my 3 hour Polish conference, “How is it that you get men to respect you?” That question threw me for a loop. I just said, “Well, men respect you when you do not wear any masks and show who you really are and what you are about. Do not be afraid to speak your mind.” But this advice seemed to confuse the woman, and then I learned that in this part of Poland women were second class citizens, and underneath that was lots of reptilian activity. I was taken on a tour, and these places were pointed out to me.
Another woman said, “It is hard to trust the universe and go for our dreams and passions when we have a family and mouths to feed. Our men will think we have gone mad. What if we end up homeless? It is a lot harder to be homeless with a family.” I remember when we were homeless, driving around in our truck late at night, looking for a place to park and sleep where we would not be found, and I asked my dad, “Are we homeless?” And he said, “You can think of it like that, or you can think of how you always wanted to go camping with the family. Well, we are now doing it.”
I told the woman she could have her kids think of it that way if they did become homeless, but I don’t think that satisfied her. In fact, I am not sure if it satisfied me. In fact, it broke my heart thinking about how easy it is for me to do certain things because I am young and do not have a family, but for other people who have a family perhaps what I share and how I live is not that helpful. This exchange made me want to rethink my message and how I am living and inspiring people by my life. Is it realistic for others? I really want my message to be all-inclusive when it comes to being helpful to others. What if this message is not the best thing to share? Was there a better thing to say? If so, what could it be? I was always encouraging people to leave their jobs and follow their dreams. So far no one has been angry with me for that advice.
The people said, “Times were good when we were a communist country, but now it has such a bad rap. But at least we have our freedom, and we believe things will get better for Poland again.”
15. And Back to Spain
I did not have any conferences or particular meetings when I returned to Spain. I mainly came back because I felt I was running around so much with all my appointments that I did not get to enjoy time with Harolds family. We had worked so hard, but we did not get much time to play and explore. Also, I really wanted to record them sharing their message to humanity, but it was hard to get them to do it. Sometimes when one pushes people outside their comfort zones by suggesting they move in the direction of their dreams, they initially hesitate.
We also managed to take a little trip to Vigo and meet up with some more old friends, but not all of them were doing well because of the sinking economy. My friends had found themselves on hard times, realizing that the banks were going to take their house and those of many others. Perhaps the fall of the economy was an opportunity to break free of the 9 to 5 grind and just start living their passions, visions, and dreams like Anai and Jorge are doing. I got in a bit of girl time with some of the girlfriends I made out there, and I also got to keep my promise with the kids to play with them.
Later that night we watched this fantastic movie called The Green Beautiful, which I highly recommend. It is like Anastasia and The Gods Must be Crazy. This movie was banned in Europe and North America, and when you watch the movie you can see why. If there were a wide-scale theater release and the whole world saw it, there would be a huge awakening. The “powers that be” knew that, so it was banned. Good thing you can watch the movie for free on YouTube. It is from France and has various language translations; however, the English one goes ridiculously fast, so you have to stop the movie sometimes to catch it all.
After that, I talked more with Harolds family about their web site for parenting indigos and crystals, and I am really proud of their progress. When they are ready to launch, I will announce it on my web site.
The next day we filmed Harolds Message to Humanity. He was a little shy, which is normal. It happens when one first starts to share, but I am still proud of him and feel that people can benefit from his message. And when it was Adrian’s turn (Harold’s wife), she kept delaying it. She loves to have everything look very professional, and she keeps getting new ideas. Her presentation is on parenting the new kids, and she did her presentation in English, Spanish, and German. Even though Adrian has previously done professional speaking in front of live audiences, she is a little camera shy, so I had to sneak the camera on her so she could get used to it. Because she is such a beautiful soul with so much to share, I hope that she continues to do more marvelous presentations.
16. Back Together Again
When I was in Berlin, I started to talk to Goose again, and it was pretty low key. But when I got to Spain, he and I shifted again. I started to wonder about the last couple times we spoke. Was that really us talking or was it our pain? How much worse do things get in our lives when we only speak and listen from a place of pain? I started paying attention to all the facets of myself that speak within, and I wanted to discern each one so I could figure out which one was really me. It’s like the picture on my web site of the Rastafarian with the many colorful masks and layers to his self, and at his very core is his inner light, the Sun. It was like stripping away all our layers of our onion selves. Do some of us fall in love with each other’s masks, mistaking them for the real person? Yes, I feel this happens often. As we spoke more, we realized that our last falling out was all because a misunderstanding, and then came the retreat where we both abandoned ship. It is very much like the newest Jewel song called Ten.
If you read the lyrics to the song, it talks about the dance many relationships do where each person is upset with the other, but then they realize how much they still care and so they reconcile. There are many love songs about this happening, but I like Jewel’s version best. So Goose and I reconciled, and I was basking and tanning in love’s light once again. Everyone could see my love tan and how it made me glow. We started to talk everyday and just got to know each other even better. There was something about this guy that fascinated me and kept drawing me to him.
I received a lot of comfort from Goose and liked doing my interviews right after talking with him because I felt less nervous. I did a radio/video interview with the host of KEDO talk, who also interviewed another crystal not too long ago named Lena from Switzerland. You can get a sense of Lena’s work by watching one of her videos here.
And then I did another interview with Jon Kelly, whom I met at James Gilliland’s ranch where he was also a speaker. Jon is a UFO expert, videographer, and reverse speech expert. He shared about how if you play world leaders’ speeches backwards, you get their actual intent behind what they were saying. It was creepy but interesting too. He felt that listening to someone’s words backwards would tell you a lot, and of course I had to concur, knowing that the world and most people are backwards but not in the good way. And being dyslexic, I really know what it means to see the world flipped all the time. Anyway, the interview I did with Jon has different information because he wanted me to talk about my trip and the bizarre people and experiences I had come across. (Jon has also done work with Alfred Webre. See their YouTube interview here.)
Goose asked when I was returning to Canada because friends had invited me to a wedding at the end of August. So many things were up in the air that I wasn’t sure about my return, but I was really starting to miss Goose. I wanted to see him too, but how would I make that work? Every time I decided on a date to return to Canada, my plans kept changing and getting thwarted. I knew that frustrated him because there was too much change for an average mongoose.
I thought about making it up to him by surprising him somehow, but Goose is not an easy one to surprise. He is very psychic and telepathic with me, so I really had to warp my psychic telepathic realms to throw him off. I kept frustrating him by frequently changing the dates of my return to Canada. I know this was not the nicest thing to do, but damn it, I wanted to surprise this guy! I wanted to do what no one else was able to do, and I was determined to pull this off.
Around this time I was thinking about what I should do. Should I bring my family to Spain to see if it felt like home? I tried that earlier but it did not work, and Mom did not want to leave Forrest at this time. Should I wait here in Europe until things got better with Forrest? At the Madrid conference I was invited by some friends (the ones who had me do my very first talk in Spain for the water blessing ceremony) to now speak in Portugal at this huge boom festival that seemed to me to be a European version of Burning Man. This was to take place at the end of summer.
Then I remembered that Jo Conrad had invited me back to Germany to speak at his conference in early October, and someone in Poland wanted me to speak in early October as well for 1,000 people. Holy cow, I have not spoken to that many people before! Then there was another conference in Mallorca I was invited to for early November, and then later it got changed and pushed to early December.
This last conference was based all around me. It was to me more artsy because there would be singing and dancing. They were even expecting me to sing because Anai heard me sing and said I should sing for this conference. Then she shared this idea with the conference organizers about my singing, and they said this was something they really wanted me to do. Yikes! I had not sung in public since I was 14. At that time, something went wrong with the sound, and I froze up with anxiety, and some other woman stepped in and sang my whole song on her own while I locked myself inside my stage fright.
But all these pre-bookings had left me in a pickle because I only had a month of time left on my visa for this year. (Next year I will have three months again.) So it was not possible for me to stay in Europe until my final speaking engagement in Spain. How could I make this work? Fly back right away and save as many weeks as I could and forget about potentially meeting up with Jesus from Mexico? If he had purchased his tickets already, then what? How was I going to surprise Goose? I really should take some time to enjoy my family this summer too and do something fun with them as well.
So how was this going to work? Wait until my Mexican friend made it out there? But he had been delaying this meeting for almost a year now. If this were to happen, there could be no more delays. Then after that I had to head to Toronto to surprise Goose for a day and then slip away to see my family and best friend, Melissa, in BC for a week. Then I had to head back to Goose’s place to attend his friend’s wedding. (Here I’m gasping for air!) Then I had to return to Europe to speak in Poland, then go to Germany, then go back to Canada, and then return to Spain! Was this even humanly possible? I am not a rock star, but I felt like I had a rock star schedule, and I was struggling with balancing everything.
Ah, why do I have to say “yes” to every opportunity? I felt like Jim Carrey in the movie Yes Man. Maybe I need to be the “No Woman” for a bit so I can give myself time to do new things and just stay put? Maybe I could include my family and we could do a project together? I had invitations from Japan, Italy, Colombia, and Australia, but the arrangements had not yet been solidified, and for that I was grateful. I had been invited to speak in Florida and at The Ranch in Loveland, Colorado, but I am not so keen on going to the United States at this time because of how I’m treated at the border. Just the thought of doing all this exhausted me and everyone I told, so I decided to take some time to rest from this impending schedule and play in the mini-pool with the kids. Then I went and made a bunch of little YouTube videos.
17. The Let Down
My friend Jesus from Mexico still wanted to come to Spain to meet Harold’s family and me. This is the same Jesus who wanted to help me by selling his dear motorbike back when my family was having troubles with our previous landlord. He had plans about working together with us. He is an inventor with lots of great ideas like taking the dirty water flowing through city sewer lines and making clean hydro-energy. He also came up with a way to build houses very efficiently for anyone who did not have a home. This was perfect for third world countries as well.
I am one to encourage people with any ideas that are unique and help the world. Although I am just being nice and doing what I need to do, sometimes others can take it in a whole other way. I suspected this with Jesus, but I felt once we met in person I would set him straight. And the best way to do that would be if I met him in Spain under the watchful protectiveness of Harold and his family. If he came to meet me in Canada with my family, it would not work because his English was not the best. It would be difficult to have a conversation without misunderstandings.
I also knew I did not want to go to Mexico on my own to stay with this single man who really likes the ladies. I make a point not to stay with single men when I travel to avoid any potential trouble. I do not mix my work and mission with romantic hookups. Most of the time I do not even give a chance for anything to bud; rather, I nip it right away. Spain seemed the best bet because Harolds family also spoke Spanish.
And another unexpected thing occurred near the time when Jesus would arrive. I got back in touch with Mort, the very first guy I was in a relationship with. He was going to be in Portugal to see his family for a reunion, and Portugal is not that far from Galicia, so we had the opportunity to meet up again. Despite all my mixed feelings about him, I still wanted to see him. It would be neat and healing for the both of us—of this I was sure. It would be so surreal to see my first love again after all these years. He was also going to have his daughter with him on this trip. Could it be true I would finally get to meet his daughter? I was once almost convinced that she would be my stepdaughter. How odd an experience it would be, but still it was something I wanted to experience.
In talking with him on the phone, he was always like a prickly pear, but in person he was different. Would that still be the case now? Would it stir up old feelings? In one conversation we had, he told me that he was seeing someone and she was exactly like me. She was childlike and into spiritual things for spiritual reasons. She even looked like me! There was just one thing different: she was not me, so he did not have the same feelings for her.
When I shared with Mort about Goose, he seemed upset with me, like he somehow expected me to wait for him and say, “Yes, I am with someone, and he is awesome and all. There is just one problem: he is not you.” How does one respond to something like that? Goose is nothing like Mort, and I am so glad he is not Mort. I guess the idea of meeting Mort intrigued me because it would be a blast from the past. Perhaps I could get to know better the younger woman I once was.
And so we made our plans to meet on the last day before I headed back to Canada. I would meet him halfway on the border between Spain and Portugal. I think it was somewhere around here that I decided to cancel the boom festival talk in Portugal because of all my bookings in Europe. It was just not realistic to do them all. I had to cut some, so I chose to cancel Portugal and Italy. Italy was a random, last minute thing that I was only considering. And I would still go to Poland and Germany. I would stay there for a week and a half, maybe two, and then fly back to Canada. Then later I would use my remaining visa days to visit Mallorca, Spain. So that was the plan at the time, which now brings me back to Jesus.
Like many people in this world, I found myself waiting for Jesus.
Jesus did make it to Spain. I mentioned before that Jesus offered to sell his motorcycle and maybe be our savior so my family would have a place to stay due to our landlord troubles. So apparently little Ralphy from the Simpsons was right: Jesus did have wheels.
To clarify here, I am sure most people know (except me) that the Spanish pronunciation of his name is Hay-ZEUS, as in “Hey, Zeus, how’s it going? I just tend to pronounce people’s names by a phonetic English method of my own comprehension and humor.
Anyway, when Jesus arrived he shared about all his ideas he was working on, like his machine that makes houses for people in third world countries. He was also working on some green energy devices, which was great. He wanted to do many neat things and was even looking into purchasing some land in Spain so Harold’s family could create their own eco-community. And then maybe I also would consider living in Spain with them. It looked like Jesus wanted to move to Spain too. Maybe he felt that this was his chosen country?
Jesus even took us on drives to scout out property. He was encouraging us to look at really big and expensive pieces of property, insinuating that he had the money for them. I also talked to Jesus about Goose, but it was evident that Jesus did not like Goose. I had given them each other’s Skype contacts so they could converse. They were both inventors, so they could bounce things off each other. Jesus just did not like Goose. He had it set in his head that he was no good. Was it that he was no good in general or no good for me? I guess Jesus did not like the idea of living in an eco-community with me, the Kreys, my family, and Goose. Maybe this was a competitive alpha male thing?
When I was younger I had several guinea pigs. First I got Tuffy. He was a black male with an orange Mohawk. Then I got Terry, named after my dad because he had the same kind of skunk hair coloring. My dad did not like the idea of a guinea pig being named after him. Then I got Tommy, another black and white guy, but his hair was a lot longer and it covered one side of his face. He seemed to be kind of Goth. And then I got Keisha, an orange-brown female guinea pig. And every day after that I found one dead male guinea pig until the last one standing was Tuffy, who had babies with Keisha.
I thought all my guineas were getting sick or something. Then I read in a book that you cannot put more than one male together with a female or they will kill each other off until there is one dominant male standing. I guess I expected all my guinea pigs to get along. I never thought something like that could happen.
So anyway, there seemed to be some kind of alpha male guinea pig thing going on with Jesus. I stayed firm with him regarding how I felt about Goose. I liked Goose, and that was all there was to it. I was not going to break up with him just because Jesus did not trust him or because Jesus might have had his own agenda. Jesus kept trying to drive a wedge between Goose and me. Finally I said, “But the thing is, Jesus, you are just talk, and Goose is not just talk. He is reliable and dependable. If he says he is going to do something, he sticks to it.”
As it turned out, Jesus wanted to help us but was not able to do so. It bothered me that not soon after we befriended him, he started to tell us he had lots of money and he wanted to do this and that with it. We did not care about his money, nor did we want him to think he needed to buy us anything, but he kept insisting that he had this money and wanted to do all these things. He got a few my friends’ hopes up because of it.
I do not like people talking about things like this unless they have it. I think many of you can relate to people promising you all this money. Soon you get images of how your life would be if you had loads of money, but somehow that promise never turns to reality. And so many are left waiting and hoping and telling everyone, “Oh, just wait. You will see. I cannot give anything to you now, but I have this friend who is planning to hook us up with some financing.” I witnessed this happen with my dad’s projects when I was younger. I saw how it hurt and ruined people, watching them spend money they did not have, thinking very soon all this easy money would come to them.
Now I see it being done again with the Galactic Federation. I am not sure if you guys heard of it, but not long ago a guy approached me and said he wanted to hire me to work with this group. He said I could really do anything I wanted with the lightworkers, and I would have loads of money to do it. I replied, “Well, I will believe that when I see it.” He said, “We are waiting for the US dollar to change, and when this happens it will be a good thing because the Galactic Federation is monitoring all the people who are doing great lightwork, and they will be getting heaps of money for this—kind of like the meek shall inherit the Earth.” So let me get this straight, aliens are going to be giving all the lightworkers trillions of dollars to do their work? Yeah, and they have a lovely beachfront property to sell me on Sirius B! How many of us are living on empty promises? I was thinking, “Oh no, how many starving, hopeful people have bought into this?”
It made me think of the Sovereign Squamish Nation Government and the things Irene-Maus:Gravenhorst wanted to do. She wanted to give everyone unlimited credit cards and $3 million and somehow be sovereign while using the currency of the system. We think that giving people large amounts of money is going to make everything better. But what happens lots of times is that people go crazy and start buying all kinds of things like insanely fast cars. The next thing you know, they get into an accident, smash the car, and die. People never get a chance to pace themselves. It’s like the movie Bruce Almighty with Jim Carrey giving everyone everything they want, which is not always the best answer. Sometimes it can make things much worse.
I was really sad to see my friends hurt by this, but I tried to make the best of the remainder of my trip. And this guest who first appeared as a savior to them turned out to be more of a false prophet. To me, it is important to be our own saviors. (That is, if we feel there is something that we need to be saved from in the first place.)
I told Jesus I would give him only a certain number of days because he kept putting off his visit, and I had to head back, and on the last day I was going to see Mort, so he had to respect that. But as it turned out, he did not. The day I was to see Mort again, Mort called me and canceled, saying his grandmother had died, and he had to be with the family. This was not a fake excuse. It really did happen, and I was a bit baffled about the timing. Then Jesus confessed that he willed it so something would happen so I could not see Mort so he could have more time with me.
I was not too pleased with all this. I told Jesus how much this meeting with Mort meant to me, and for him to psychically interfere like that was not cool. When would I have another chance to see Mort again? Jesus said, “Well, it proves you did not want to see him that much because if you really wanted to, your manifestation would be stronger than mine.”
I was even more upset with him because of course I wanted to see Mort. I was not 100% into the manifesting mode because it meant I would be going back into some pain. And who is eager about going back to that? But we know we have to, and so we push ourselves to do so anyway. I was sure it would have worked out if Jesus did not will this to happen. I left Spain feeling disappointed and heartbroken.
Jesus wanted to make all these plans to see me again, but I knew I never wanted to see him again. Jesus felt Goose was not spiritual enough for me, but to me Jesus’ actions spoke louder than words, and since when did spirituality become a contest? To me, spirituality is not the cliché, nor does it toot its own selfish horn. It is humble, gentle, and most importantly, respectful.
On the plane I tried to clear my head and shake off the trip’s inertia trip and not think about Goose so I could throw him off.
He was expecting to see me 3 weeks from then. I had many of his friends and family in on my plans to surprise him. I called his friends and asked them to book him that day so he could not make any other plans. His mother would also make sure he was exactly where I wanted him to be and that he would be at home alone. My flight attendant friends were more than eager to help arrange everything for me too. It was hard to not think about Goose, but it was important that I did not; otherwise, he could suspect telepathically what I was up to. His friends and family also were instructed not to think about my plans for him lest he catch on.
For the trip back, my flight attendant friends had told their other flight attendant friends that I was going to be on their flight and to look out for me. I did not know what that meant until a sparkling blue-eyed flight attendant smiled at me and said, “Excuse me? Are you Jessica?” When I said yes, she said, “Great. I am sorry I could not get you on first class, but I will see to it that you get first class treatment while in economy class. I will be right back.” And when she returned, she gave me a bowl of exotic fruit, nuts, and cheese plus a large glass of champagne. I was also sitting in the middle of the emergency exit. I love this spot because I get to put my feet up. I had the middle seat as well. To my left was the CEO of some video game company in Toronto who had flown first class so much that he did not want to anymore. He preferred that the money go to his employees rather than his luxury. He was a cool guy.
To my left was an East Indian man who was dressed like a bumble bee with his black turban and bright yellow top with black pants. I told him he looked like a bee too, and he said, “I know. I did it purposely. I like the color black and my son likes yellow, so we compromised on my outfit.” Then he pulled out his camera and showed me his son. He was such a proud poppa and a sweet man.
On the flight back I watched two movies that I strongly recommend: Horton Hears a Who! and I Heart Hucklebees. The second movie is about a couple who are professional existentialists who help people break free of their comfortable ideas and projects and who they think they are until they see themselves in everyone and everything. The movie has lots of twists and turns. Like the movie The Matrix, I think this movie is inspired by a program of self-improvement called Landmark. I have not taken this program, but I know a many people who have, and I have mixed feelings towards it. Mainly though, I would say I do not jive with it. I just do not feel keen about their ethics and approach. Maybe I will talk more about the reasons later.
After landing, I went to the bathroom to freshen up. I had with me a bottle of red Spanish wine that I had developed a taste for. This was not too long after I made a YouTube video where I said that I mostly do not drink but sometimes I like to have a nice glass of wine. I had to bring some back for Goose to try.
So there I was going stealthily to his condo, having a deep tan, wearing a floral red dress, and carrying a bottle of red wine in one hand and a single red rose in the other. I found him immersed in an Alex Collier YouTube video. I just stood there, and he looked up at me, blinking his eyes, not sure if I was real or not. Then he took me in his arms and said, “Something inside me told me this morning that you would be here today, but I dismissed it, knowing that you said you would not be back for a while because you were so busy with work. I did not hear from you for a whole week.”
I said, “I had to say that in order to surprise you, but somehow you still knew. Blast! I almost surprised you.”
This special time with Goose went by too fast, and before I knew it I was back at the airport, again heading to Vancouver to see my family. I had about a week and a half for them, and then I was going back to Toronto to spend a week with Goose and attend his friend’s wedding. After that I was going back to Europe. At the airport I learned that my flight was delayed a few hours. Somehow I struck up a conversation with a lovely Catholic couple who ended up buying me breakfast. They suggested I consider speaking and sharing my motivational inspirational message at schools. They said they could get me speaking opportunities at Catholic schools if I wanted, and I smiled to myself thinking how comical that would be.
When I got home, I saw that my girlfriend Melissa had some surprises of her own waiting for me. There were pictures on my wall of everything I was not fond of like Celine Dion, Barbara Streisand, countless realtors that haunt our town, and a photo of half-naked Burt Reynolds from the 70s hanging out by my bed. There was also a brown apple core and a used Q-tip waiting for me on my dresser. This is our brand of humor where we find out things that bug each other and find all kinds of ways to bring it up.
I know she does not like gnomes, so I was really happy to see that an animated movie on Gnomeo and Juliet was coming to a nearby theater. So maybe I will blindfold her, take her to the movies, and force her to watch it with me. (I love gnomes.) I felt like I did not have much time to do all the things I wanted to do. There were just too many people to see and call and hang out with. How does one catch up on months of e-mails and Skype messages in just a few days? Instead, I decided to plan an outdoor activity where I could involve my family and a few close friends and make the most out of the gorgeous weather.
We chose a place called Monkido, which is an obstacle course in the trees complete with many zip lines. You start low to the ground and work your way up, and the obstacles get even more challenging. I did make a video of this in which you get to see Steve and my friend Melissa. The course may look easy to you, but do not kid yourself. It is not easy! There is also a little Polish lesson in the video.
After the obstacle course in the trees, we went to a lake for a swim. I love swimming in the emerald green lakes of British Columbia! There is nothing like them. I prefer swimming in a lake more than a salty tropical ocean any day. The lakes here were formed by glaciers, and their waters are so refreshing and very healing and very good for the skin. The last thing we did that day was some jet skiing. I had developed a liking for this sport back when I worked on a cruise ship. We did lots of Jet Skiing and kayaking. I remember one time this guy seated me on the back of the Jet Ski, and then later on he let me have my turn to drive it while he got to sit behind me. But apparently he saw this as a chance to get fresh with me, which was a big mistake. I went as fast as I could and then whipped a hard left turn. He flew off the Jet Ski, and it was at that moment I learned that the human body could skip.
Now here I was taking my family Jet Skiing. This was the second time we had done this as a family. I think we did it before a couple years ago. Every summer we try to do one fun thing with the family rather than have a dinner and a movie, which ends up costing the same as jet skiing. This time Steve and I shared a jet ski. I whipped us out by accident, and sometimes if you hit the water wrong it can really hurt. That is what happened this time when Steve flew to one side and I flew to the other. The Jet Ski was far away too, and the current was bad. I had to really swim hard for a good 10 minutes before I made it back on the Jet Ski to collect Steve, who had the wind knocked out of him. Needless to say, he was not too happy with me! Next summer we want to try white water rafting.
Aside from all the fun I was trying to fit into my fleeting summer, I did make some time to sort, organize, and clean my stuff, and I found my old sketch book. When I was younger, I would always draw faces, and so many faces came to me. Sometimes I saw them in my mind, and at other times my hands saw them and knew how to draw them. There was one man I seemed to draw lots. It’s funny how I never noticed this before now. The man looked exactly like Goose! Surely this meant that a part of me already knew about Goose, and yet another part said, “Shhh, you’ll ruin her movie.” There were other people too—my soul family of people I met throughout my travels around the world. It sent me down a memory lane of things I did and knew when I was child. I wrote a poem about it called When I Was Little.
Time is an illusion. In the first video of my family doing the tree obstacle course, I show a watch and ask people to guess the time on it. If they get it right, they will get $100 (by which I mean 2 cents). If you look closely, you will see that there are no hands on the watch! Goose also has a watch like this, but his does not even have numbers on the face, just cogs in suspended animation. These watches are a gift from him. He really wanted to get me something, but I do not like jewelry or rings or anything, so I said, “If you want to get me something, you have to be really creative.” Thus, he came up with these watches that do not tell the time! Now most girls would be like, “Aww, how romantic! His and hers matching broken watches!” They are not broken. They were never meant to tell the time. For us, it represents timeless love. Time ceases to exist when you are in the presence of your love.
Einstein once said to pay attention to how fast time goes by when you are sitting on the stove. And note how painfully slow time is when you are doing something you loathe. At work, how often do we check the clock? It feels like forever, which leads me to my theory that time only exists when we are doing something we do not like, but if we measure time when we are with our sweetie, time just flies by. To me this is an awesome gift because I really dislike watches. They are like shackles to my wrist, so bossy, telling me what to do and when to do something.
Plus it is fun to say to people, “Excuse me, I did not put my contacts in today. Can you just look at my watch and tell me what time it is?” I watch as they strain to figure it out, and then they decide on an answer. “Two-ish?” they ask sheepishly. And then I say, “Oh, why not try my boyfriend’s watch” Then they look at it for a bit, straining to find the time, and they say, “Hey, is this a joke or something?” And then I explain the purpose of the watches like I have done here. He presented these watches to me right after I snuck in and surprised him, and then he surprised me with this romantic gesture.
On my last day in BC with my family, we found some old cassettes that Dad made many years ago. As we listened to them, I heard my oldest brother Lee’s voice at 5 years old and my sister Melissa at 3 or 4 years old. Dad liked to make these tapes with them before church, asking their thoughts on random things and having them sing songs or tell stories or share whatever. As I kept listening, I heard Dad say, “Today is a special day. Why is that, Lee and Melissa?” And they said, “Because Mom had a baby, and now we have a baby sister named Jessica.” This was such a precious gift to have found, and it made me cry heavily just listening to it.
In a tape that was done a few years later, I was speaking on the tape with Forrest, and Dad then started to tell us children’s stories that we are all familiar with. Dad would leave gaps in the story for us to fill in. He told his version of Goldie Locks breaking and entering into the three bears’ house and how she drank all the bears’ wine and got drunk. And when the bears came home, they were so sad that someone drank all their wine that they called the cops, and Goldie Locks got arrested and went to jail. Then the cops called her parents, and Goldie Locks was grounded and had to pay a fine. Who tells stories like this to their children? They sure were funny. The tapes were a unique and very precious time capsule treasure to find after all these years.
19. Back to Toronto
Toronto greeted me with a heat wave, which is not a bad thing for one’s wedding day. It’s a lot better than rain. The wedding was very avant-garde, a rustic but elegant wedding with sunflowers everywhere. The wedding vows were spoken very softly—so low that only the bride and groom could hear them. This is how they wanted it. I met a lot of Goose’s friends, and people looked at me with curiosity. Who was this girl that Goose was with?
OK, all single ladies, please step up. It is time to toss the bouquet! Oh no, I never liked this part of weddings where girls go nuts for this silly thing. I always hid in the back, calculating where the bouquet was least likely to go. This had always been my strategy, and it had always worked. I worked hard to make it look like I was making an effort to catch it (but not really). But this time none of that worked. I looked up, and I was the tallest girl in the area where I was. Damn, I forgot to take that into account. The bouquet was tossed, and if I did not put my arms up, I would have been hit in the head with it, so I had no choice but to put my hands up. Then I caught the bouquet, though it did not dawn on me what happened until the announcement was made about whom would be married next. I turned beet red. It’s just a silly tradition, right?
The last time we went to Niagara Falls was in the winter, and it was very brief. I wanted to see the falls again to enjoy them and steal kisses in the rainbow mists. It truly is a breathtaking sight to behold. I would have liked to stay there all day, but Goose had made arrangements with his friends to get us in for some free indoor sky diving.
For those of you who do not know what that is, you are inside this big room with a wire-like mesh floor that is woven over so you can see below a giant fan that blows you high up in the air. You have to wear helmets and these florescent flying squirrel suits for protection. You stand on the side, and there is a professional in the middle who calls each person one at a time to dive into the middle so your stomach is facing the ground as you fly up in the air. It takes a bit to learn how to hold your body up correctly where your legs should be and how to arch your back, but you know if you are doing it right because you will go right up. If you are not doing it correctly, down to the ground you go. If you end up out of range of the giant fan, then you tuck into a ball and make sure to land on the cushy blue padding. If you are in the room and on the blue padding, you have to gauge where the person is going to land so they do not crash into you.
The professional who stays in the middle is there to catch you and make sure you do not fall on your face on the mesh. He also coaches you on how to distribute your body weight. It turns out I was a natural and was able to go the highest at one point. The professional fell asleep for an instant and opened his eyes a few seconds later to see me so high up he had to jump up and shout directions at me to bring me down. It is amazing to feel weightless like that. It makes me want to skydive even more, but I do not think Goose is so eager to skydive like me.
20. Déjà Vu All Over Again
Later that day, we decided to meet one of my close Facebook friends that Goose was in contact with. It was just an hour drive over the border—no big deal, just go there to have a nice dinner and then come back. At one time such a thing might have been an easy feat, but times they are a-changin’, and crossing the border just is not what it used to be. When we got to the US border, the border cops asked us to step out of our cars and go upstairs. I was very nervous about this, and I told Goose I really did not want to cross the US border ever again because of my previous experiences with their bullying ways. Goose said, “Don’t worry. Everything will be fine. We are just going for dinner with a friend, and there is nothing wrong with that.”
Now I was getting upset with him for making me do this. Who knows what they would do with us? I was getting nervous in the waiting room, and the waiting room was pretty full. When I get nervous I get gassy, so you can imagine what happens to me before I go up to speak in public or do a radio show. So here I was in the waiting room, blowing the loudest ones ever. Goose was looking around to see if people heard me, and sure enough they did. How could you not hear it unless you were definitely deaf? Everyone in there was cracking up laughing as I was letting one go every 30 seconds. Goose could only say with a sheepish smile, “Yep, that’s my girl.”
Even when I got pulled into the room to be interrogated separately, my gas did not let up, and the female cops were even laughing while trying to be serious. I remember telling this story to some of my lightworker friends, and they said, “Good for you! After all, Jess, gas is a form of lightwork too.” I thought about that, and this is true because the goal of lightwork is to diffuse harsh energy with laughter and joy. I saw the woman cops cheering me on, looking at me with envy, wishing they could fart freely like me. I just could not hold it in. My stomach was going crazy.
I ended up getting fingerprinted and had my picture taken again. They then said, “Do you remember what the officer said to you before about why you cannot cross the US border?” For some reason I just could not remember, and then suddenly I remembered they wanted me to have proof of my living address, which meant having a piece of mail from my house or a proof of a place I worked at, like a copy of a check. But that is not something I am comfortable with showing them, even if I did have a normal 9 to 5 job that gave me checks. I told them, “Guys, this is not so easy to give you these things. You see, I am in the public eye, and I have more than my share of stalkers, so I have to be careful. I do not have any mail come directly to my house; rather, I have a mailing box address, but you will not accept mail from a mailing box address. I cannot give you a check because I do not work a 9 to 5 job. I just get donations, so what am I supposed to do? They said, “I do not know. You figure it out.”
The farting still did not stop after many hours, so they finally said, “Get her out of here!” Then it was Goose’s turn to be interrogated. I saw him go up and talk with them. From behind the glass he was doing his best impression of a mime. It did not seem he was talking to them very long because he was moved to another area to sit down. I learned later it was because how he was answering the questions. They sent him to the corner to sit there for as long as he wanted until he was ready to answer the questions “with a better attitude.” I learned they were asking him things like “So why were you in Vegas?” and “What did you do there?” He said, “I gambled my brains out.” And they asked him, “How much did you make?” He said, “More than you guys will ever make.” So yes, his answering questions like that really irked these guys.
Goose was just determined to not to let them get to him or intimidate him because it seems this is always their goal. But really, there is no way you can answer any of their questions to their satisfaction. They will always find something to make you feel like a criminal. I was really proud of Goose and how he handled these bullies. He actually cheered me up and helped me face my fears with this. And before we knew it, we were sent back to Canada. It was late anyway, and all we wanted to do was sleep. How many people are having trouble with the border now? I know even Americans are having a hard time with the Canadian border, which is really surprising to me. Our guys used to be such pussy cats. How many people were getting fingerprinted and photographed for nothing?
21. Canada’s Wonderland/Mutant Land
Not too long ago, Goose took me to Canada’s Wonderland in Toronto to check out some heavy duty roller coasters. We are all familiar with amusement parks. They were the highlights of our summer to enjoy the rides and attractions with family and friends. We would get excited about the junk food we would indulge in. After all, this was our treat. At least that’s how I remember it, but now things have changed and those days are gone.
Our day at Canada’s Wonderland was instead an eye opener. We weren’t at Canada’s Wonderland; instead, we were actually at Canada’s Mutant Land. I use the word mutant because most of our meat, fish, fruits, and vegetables have been mutated and cloned. Have you ever heard of the saying “you are what you eat”? Well this is sadly true, and the evidence is everywhere. Friendly people with rosy healthy cheeks are now few and far between. A majority of the people at the park had distant eyes and orange skin. They were clearly unhealthy, miserable, and just plain sleeping—to put it nicely. They just had a certain distinct vibe about them that immediately made us feel uneasy. Everywhere we saw fans of the N.W.O. sporting Lady Gaga and Jay-Z shirts, etc. The food being consumed was downright scary. Goose and I were getting nervous about eating anything there. We were glad to have some of our Conscious Planet bars, where just a few bites could satisfy our food cravings for a couple hours.
Later that week, we watched a video by Alex Jones. Though we do not jive with him 100%, he was correct about how our food is being processed and what is being added to our food, water, and vaccines. Not even organic food is safe it seems, and we are being pushed to grow our own food, to find alternatives for those who do not have a garden to grow their own food.
It is so important to be awake nowadays. There are too many things to pay attention to, and we cannot do it all on our own, so the more that people are awake and aware, the better. It is good to know we have many people keeping a close eye on proposed new laws or amendments to existing laws. I am grateful that people are uniting like a wave on this. We are doing very well compared to what we are up against. I say “not bad” for still being in or just recovering from the amnesia state. It is exciting to know we not only get to witness our awakening and humanity’s freedom, but also that we will be in an interactive reality movie where we get to be a part of the change, and each of us will have a role to play.
We need to do everything we can to help aside from growing our own food. We need to consider people who travel all the time like me, or people who have special diets or are already sensitive to environmental toxins and certain foods. It feels like we need to guarantee that even if we get fooled into eating something sprayed or cloned, our body still has a chance to flush it out and recover.
Also, being a healer, it is most frustrating helping people heal and taking their pain, but then it comes back the next couple weeks. This is because they are depending on the energetic healing while still consuming low frequency food and not taking responsibility for their health. I am not one to push products, but for people who want to combine energy or dream healing with the right nutrient source, there is only one product line that I can vouch for: Conscious Planet.
We need to learn as much as we can about our body to insure our health in times to come. In chapter 16 of my last blog, Matters of the Heart, I wrote about Conscious Planet. I understand the web site is very annoying because you need a number in order to see the site. Goose and I decided to put the information on Facebook so everyone can easily access the content, concept, and products. There is a good amount of information to digest about health and the body. A lot of what we believe to be a healthy lifestyle is in fact a flat Earth belief of what true nourishment and health really are.
According to Ron Garner’s book Conscious Health, Dr. Alexis Carrel found that he could keep a chicken heart cell alive for 32 years in sea water containing the right nutrients. Carrel speculated that he could keep this chicken cell alive almost indefinitely, which has implications for humans. We should further explore this finding and ponder the possibilities for our lives as they were truly meant to be.
The testimonials from people I know have also been rewarding. I still do not plan on charging for my services, yet people are saying you should have some ways for us to help you aside from a donation. If I did put my own stuff up, that would be for sale via donation as well. You guys know the one thing I promote is the Anastasia Ringing Cedar books because I know how they help people and the integrity of Anastasia. Well, I am fast feeling the same way about Conscious Planet. I truly believe that Conscious Planet products can help people, and with so many being sick, we really need to focus on wellness.
For me and the people around me, Conscious Planet is working. My mom is getting fewer and fewer headaches, and Goose’s mom is healing from severe rheumatoid arthritis, while Goose and I are becoming the change that we would like to see in the world. Then there is our friend Don who was on a quantum biofeedback machine for some leg pain. It said the pain was not from stress at work but that it had come from his lack of minerals. When we gave him a cap full of Genesis, Conscious Planet’s mineral supplement, his pain went away.
When we think about how much money we spend on doctors, practitioners, medical, and grocery bills, it seems like it is a wise decision first and not wait until we get sick. I see so many people sacrifice their health for wealth and then sacrifice their wealth to try and regain their health, most of the time to no avail.
When shopping at the grocery store, you are not taking responsibility for your health if you are not buying certified organics that are non-GMO, non-pesticide/herbicide from a trusted source. What are you really consuming? Can we really rely on labels that say “CERTIFIED ORGANICS,” and in our busy lives do we have time to research all of this and/or grow our own foods? We save so much on grocery bills that we found we could afford it.
Goose and I have also introduced Quantum Alliance’s Indigo Quantum Biofeedback device to the owner of Conscious Planet, Charles Holmes. They are both eagerly working hard to integrate Conscious Planet’s energetic values into the biofeedback software so that we can create more accurate health programs geared specifically for each person. Both products seem complementary, and in the near future, we will be making a Facebook group and a web site geared specifically to Indigo Quantum Biofeedback treatments.
Right now, Goose and I really want to focus on healing people no matter what they are suffering from or how far gone the person thinks he or she is. For example, did you know that we can turn people’s health around who are autistic? We have had success with people who were suffering from stage 4 cancer. We had the case of one person who was previously HIV positive who is now testing negative. By addressing nutrition, almost everything else corrects itself. Seeing and being part of these life-changing experiences has had a great impact on me. I will also be making a link about Conscious Planet on my web site.
Conscious Planet is for you if you:
* have any kind of pain, disease, or any illness;
* want to lose or gain weight;
* want mental clarity and focus;
* want a better memory;
* want more energy;
* want to be more regular;
* want to lose your cravings for the wrong foods and addictions;
* are looking for meal replacements;
* and want an all-around healthy mind, body, and spirit.
Here is the link to our new group. If you jive with it, please feel free to join our Facebook group.
There is another reason we decided to make a Facebook Conscious Planet group. We faced a learning curve figuring out where we went wrong with our health and how we could fix it. What our group discovered is that the cause and removal of disease is almost the same for everyone. (For more on this topic, watch this video.) We can address almost anyone’s health issues by correcting deficiencies and eliminating excesses, including food addictions that many of us are not even aware of. By understanding a few simple fundamentals of health and wellness, you will have a healthier life.
We are offering free coaching and will help you make healthier choices. We will help you understand how the body works, encourage you to take 100 percent responsibility for yourself, and make you aware how Conscious Planet products can help you reach your goals. I advocate Conscious Planet products because I have seen so many great results with so many people. Most feel good results right away. Conscious Planet provides the tools we need for our personal transformation.
To explore the Conscious Planet web site, you need to supply a reference number. When you are at the home page, you can type in 2661 to gain access to the rest of the site.
Anyone who joins our Facebook group will have direct contact with us via Internet and/or phone. We will be answering questions, and in the near future we will be doing house calls as well for those in our local area. We want to insure that people get the best results for their time and money so that the next time we go by Canada’s Mutant Land, it will be back to Canada’s Wonderland, where we will see people with rosy healthy cheeks again.
22. Indigo Magic
As I mentioned previously, Goose and I are now into quantum biofeedback. Let me attempt to explain what that is all about. The machine, called a “Quantum Xrroid,” was invented by an eccentric genius named Bill Nelson. The machine is basically a mystic and a doctor in one, and it builds on a solid research basis showing the benefits of biofeedback on many common health problems. It provides information about reactions to over 11,000 subtle stress related signatures and has the ability to administer therapies such as acupuncture, reflexology, sarcodes, NLP, aura cleansing, chakra correction, Rife therapy, and so much more. For more on the history of biofeedback and this machine, see this link.
Some doctors recognize and work with this device. It is categorized as a type 2 medical device. In the US, doctors can prescribe biofeedback treatments that are covered under insurance policies.
Most of the time people are not properly diagnosed, and when they do get diagnosed, it is based merely from symptoms or where the final illness is. For example, a woman was losing her eyesight, so she got her eyes checked and then was scheduled for eye surgery. Before she had the surgery, someone recommend she try biofeedback, and she learned what was happening to her eyes. Actually, her symptoms had nothing to do with her eyes. They had to do with the middle of her back where she had a pinched nerve that went up her back, up her neck, and finally to her eyes. When her back was corrected, then so was everything else, and her eyesight came back. She no longer needed the surgery.
Just because we may have pain in our hands, for example, or anywhere else in the body, that does not mean the root cause is there. The pain is the body’s alarm reaction to one or more stresses. Mind, body, soul, and emotion must all be explored to reveal the underlying problems with an individual. This is the problem with allopathic-based medical practice. There is too much focus on treating symptoms and not enough on addressing the cause of the problem: “Got a rash? Here is a cream.” But a biofeedback specialist would consider if this rash is some type of alarm response to stress. This device can triangulate many different connecting stresses, allowing the specialist a clearer picture of the root cause of the symptom.
The biofeedback device is a vast universe, a virtual doctor that considers all levels and layers of the body. Many people have been working with this device for years, and they have yet to explore all of its capabilities. When I say the machine is a vast universe, I mean that if you combine all medical, spiritual, emotional, and soul level encyclopedias in great detail and add a quantum twist to it, you might get an idea.
A session with this device runs an average of 1.5 to 2 hours. In that time, the biofeedback specialist can determine what the body is struggling with and can determine what steps must be taken to restore the body’s balance and keep it functioning correctly. When used by a skilled practitioner, this machine can tune into the superconscious mind of a person, almost like it’s psychically communicating to that person on a soul level.
Currently, Goose and I are using the Quantum Alliance Indigo on humans, although it can also be used to relieve stress on animals, plants, agriculture, objects, and places. It can work long distances as well even though the client is not even being physically connected to the device. This is known as “quantum subspace.” This is how people are able to accomplish long distance healings. This device also has the capabilities of creating a quantum independency field and shield the session from any remote viewing “peepers.”
It is all basically quantum healing. After your session with the machine, if there is any pain in the next few days, then drink the special code-infused water and the pain will go away. The machine is also capable of doing all kinds of cosmetology like hair re-growth, body part adjustments, etc.
As it is now, major celebrities are contacting Goose and Charles Holmes to work on their sick family members, and they are so impressed with the instant results that they are telling more of their celebrity friends. More links on the quantum biofeedback machine are here and here.
23. A Funk I Find Myself In
As great as this machine is, it is a one-on-one thing, so I do not really know it as well as Goose. It is mainly his thing, and I am glad he is so happy helping others. He has done many free sessions, and by doing this he learns more about the machine and gets the satisfaction of knowing he helped with no strings attached. Still, I cannot help feel left out in this, but that is OK. I am happy for him.
I am not sure how things are supposed to go in a relationship. Should the couple do all the projects together or they should each do their own thing? It is funny that when we first met, one of the quandaries was that Goose was not sure how he would fit into my life’s work. Now comically enough, I am not sure how I will fit into his life’s work. Life is hilarious and loves changing places like the mad hatter’s tea party. I am so used to finding a way to help and contribute in any way that I can, so surely Goose and I can figure something out. I just have to know I contributed in some way.
Goose asked me about my trip to Europe, about what I did, why I stayed so long, and about all the people I gave my time to. He was annoyed with the people who let me down, saying, “Why give your energy to them?” It is not about what they promise. It is just in my nature to be there for as many people as I can, but yes, it does hurt when they get you to believe in them and then you find out they have some other intentions or agendas. Maybe I was not going about this in the best way. Could there be a better way? Should I just focus on the person’s projects more than the person? No, I am not sure if I can do that because without the person there is no project. I just want to know my time went to the most productive things that will make the biggest improvement for this blue-green sphere.
I was also becoming more reluctant to respond to my e-mails, and it is not that I did not want to. I was having problems with a few stalkers and other mentally unstable people who had responded to me after I wrote to them. They would say things that made me uncomfortable with their expectations or misunderstandings. I decided to cut ties with those who were creating difficulty and pain in my world and the work that I do.
My reluctance could also have something to do with the disturbing and vulgar spammer images on my forum. I have worked hard to find and remove them all, but in order to do this I might have deleted “regular” people as well. If I deleted you by mistake, I am sorry. Please sign up again and just let me know you are not a spammer.
My guides say this is happening so I can be better equipped to understand and handle such situations in the future. It will also help me help others struggling with similar problems, whether it be obsessed individuals or those who want to get something out of one or harm one. I have spent so much energy trying to get certain people to leave me alone and stop writing me or stop looking for ways to get close to the people close to me. I have a responsibility to keep those I love safe from these other people.
Though I have been keeping my distance from everyone and everything, I still want to understand where these people are coming from and the thought process that leads them to where they are now. This also leads me to consider the way I am putting myself out there and reaching out to people. Is it time for me to find a better another way? I still do want to respond to your e-mails. I am just not sure about the best way. In the meantime, I am still reading them all and responding to them psychically until I find another way.
The time was getting near to return back to Europe, but so much more was going on. My family was concerned about my brother Forrest. He had not returned from his vacation to Mexico, and no one had heard anything from him. Because I was in Ontario, my family wanted me to file a missing person’s report and do anything else I could. But this proved to be more complex, and it seemed this would take more time and energy. With such news, I was not feeling so up-to-par about going to Poland and Germany for some conferences, so I decided to cancel them. I was going to cancel my talk on Mallorca too, but they simply would not allow it. After all, they had already postponed the event for me, which had cost them more money for promotion.
To top it off with the disappearance of my brother and canceling my European appearances, my teeth were killing me. Thanks to Goose’s family connections, I had a very good dentist who gave me a fantastic deal on removing all my wisdom teeth, taking care of my cavities, and, to my surprise, the safe removal of all my mercury fillings. I thought I would never afford all that dental work with the high quotes my dentists in BC had given me.
Even though this was good news, for the next couple weeks I was in major pain, so Goose decided to take some time off work to take care of me. He did not want to leave me in pain, and in the midst of all that, we moved to Goose’s grandparents’ place. They were going to be in Cyprus for 2 months, and they really wanted some house sitters. I was eager to get out of Toronto and go to the small town Hamilton, plus I would be surrounded by lots of nature and was privileged to witness autumn in such a nice area.
After my recovery, Forrest’s music video found its way to MTV and got green-lit. All of a sudden, people were saying, “I love this artist! Where is he? We want to interview him.” His disappearance then became more public, and my intuitive friends got mixed ideas on where he was. Some got that he was gone for sure, while others got that he was still alive somewhere and was not able to come home for some reason. Of course, people asked what I got with my intuition. I just do not fully trust or feel satisfied with anything I get. When I was optimistic, the evidence suggested otherwise, and when I was leaning towards the grim side, I just could not allow myself to stay there unless I knew for sure. It is a weird thing to not know how to feel and how to think, and so you are left in suspended animation.
Some days I mourn for him, and other days it feels like he is going to come home one day. I am not too sure even what to say about disappearance, so I will just leave it at this for now until I know something. So far it has been 4 months since his disappearance. The last time anyone heard from him was from his Blackberry text on Aug 13th. He was planning to go to Mexico around this time, but we are unsure if he even made it or not. If he did make it to Mexico, many people are not holding much hope for anyone who goes there, especially if they happen to wander away from the tourist areas. Forrest’s disappearance has put my family through some serious agony, but we are all trying to do the best that we can and stay optimistic.
Even though things were tumultuous, I still did what I could to move on with my life, so I met up with like-hearts in Hamilton and tried to create a life for myself and work on more projects. I made contact with a wonderful woman named Gigi Young, who is a former model. She had just bought an old house from the 1800s, and she was keen on turning it into a healing house. She decided to hold a small conference at her place where we could discuss various topics with anyone who wanted to participate and record it. We did this twice, and both times lasted many hours. I think in total we have over 9 hours of video that will be released a little at a time. Here is her page where you can watch the videos.
It has been so long since I have seen my family. I am spending so much more of my time with Goose that it feels like a rift is occurring. I am not sure if this is how things are when one finds a partner and starts to get ready to leave the nest: the mother bird finds reasons why baby bird should not leave the nest. In the other nest, it seems to be the same case as Mother Goose appears to not like me very much, feeling that I am unsuitable for her son. She wants me to have a real job and be able to cook. She also is not so keen on my childlike ways, which does hurt. Family is important to me. I loved the idea of having a mother-in-law whom I could have a connection with, and I felt that my odds of this happening were pretty good. I met many women who said, “I would love for you to meet my son and have you as my daughter-in-law,” but alas, this seems to not be the case for me.
So I made the attempt to meet her standards with some things, like learning to cook. I decided to practice making some Cypriot dishes. One of my favorites is black-eyed peas with Swiss chard leaves and stems with some squeezed lemon. Then add in some Himalayan salt and organic pepper and—mmmwa!—delicious! Goose found it cute to come home from his work to find me cooking dishes that did not make the cut. He still ate the food and acted like it was delicious. As the days went on, I got better. I could give more time and energy to cooking, but this desire is not always there. I did not get the same thrill as I got from helping the world. That still seems more important.
She also felt I should be more ladylike and do more with my looks, but it did not make sense with all the things going on in the world. I mean, sometimes I think we could be in a war, for example, and ladies would still be looking at themselves, pondering if they should apply lipstick or not. Nor was it enough for Mother Goose, and she continued to be vocal of her disapproval of me for her son to anyone who would listen. When Goose saw how upset I was about this, being a Mr. Fixit, he went to work on figuring out what to do.
“There is no good talking to her,” he said. “She is stuck in her ways and has to be seen as the most enlightened of all.” To me, this is silly. I did not know that enlightenment is a contest, nor do I think I am enlightened. I just really care and love people and will do what I can for the potential of humanity to turn towards soul fulfillment while enjoying and loving my life the best I can. I want to make the best of everything, finding the hidden gems in the crevices of life.
Goose’s solution was for me was to choose his mother or choose myself, but still I needed some family ties. He decided to have me meet his favorite aunt, the one who raised him when he was a little rapscallion. She had a wonderful family that he really jived with, and he that knew if I were to meet them, they would really like me and adopt me as their in-law.
Goose was right. They were fantastic! Even his young 20-something female cousin was wonderful. She was so similar to me with her views on the world. She also gets called naïve and innocent, but she also happens to swear. Yet she is the sweetest girl underneath that sailor tongue. Her heart is set on being a police officer, and despite how much people try to talk her out of it, she is not deterred. With every attempt her family makes to change her mind with all the horror stories on cops, she just gets more motivated that this is what she needs to do. She feels cops are here to protect us, and we do need them. We need good cops, ones who really care.
She told me about the cop who tasered a poor foreign man to death in an airport. She said, “It is so sad when I hear stories like this. It makes me wish I were that cop. Things would have turned out differently. Nor am I afraid to die. I just think if I am meant to go, then at least I will go protecting others.” She went on, “I really want to be a chief of police so there will be no corruption in my unit.”
I was feeling really low at the time I met her, but listening to her and her passion and innocence inspired me and made me wish there were more people like her in the world. She did tremendous amounts of healing on me that day without even knowing it. I was so glad to know she exists whether she is naïve her not. She is following her heart and is determined to be an angel cop.
24. Off to Mallorca
On December 9th I headed to Mallorca, Spain, to do my conference, which went really well. I was really pleased to learn that Anai Krey was also speaking at the event. Maybe now she will understand why I kept following her with a camera as she kept hiding. I told her she would have to get used to it as she will be on camera lots in the future, and this is the sprouting seedling to this fact. She did really well even though I did not understand what she said because it was in Spanish! I did have an idea, and her PowerPoint was beautiful. I remember being with her when she was selecting the pictures.
It was nice to see her again. It felt like ages since we last saw each other. Her family is doing really well. Gabriel is not being teased so much in school, and little Norbert has no trouble in school whatsoever. He is always the first one to get his work done and has charmed every single person who comes in contact with him. This is one highly cute 3 year old. He also has a body that seems to have an extra layer of muscle or thick skin. I have seen that kid get his fingers slammed in the car door, and he would cry for 3 seconds and then go back to playing. You would think his hand would be really messed up after such a horrible thing, but it’s not at all. It is perfectly fine, so either he has thick skin or is able to heal extremely fast. Both of her children are incredible. I am in awe and adoration for this family.
I was only in Mallorca for 2 days, but it was enough for me to get asked back. I ran into Alfred Webre again. I see him at virtually every conference I have done. He is fluent in Spanish, so that helps. He also works closely with my buddy, Andrew Basiago. After I had a vision about the doing a big event at the Madrid coliseum and seeing it filled up with people, I felt so compelled to share that with Alfred, and another girl there had the same vision. So why not all work together and help make it happen? After all, it has been a while since I have manifested something big, and perhaps it is a way to help find finances for others’ projects. Let’s see if we can combine our abilities and do such a thing. Alfred and I also spoke about his projects. He is keen on creating an exopolitics university, and he also wants me to create some classes on kindness and integrity.
I did have a close call before my presentation. My friend had taken a picture of my butt as I was mooning her, and I forgot those pictures were on my computer. When someone asked me if he could borrow my computer to transfer their presentation, I gladly lent it out. As he plugged in my computer, it dawned on me about the moon shot, and I quickly ran to my computer. I knew that when you turn on a Mac, i-photos will pop up, but I made it in time to cover the screen with my hands, and I said in a slow motion voice, “NOOOooooo, hold on one second, please! I need this because I forgot to do something.” Then I worked to pull and hide the pictures, wiping the sweat off my brow. How close I had come to having my butt showing up on large screen projection for all the people to see!
I also managed to do a little singing. I learned that singing in public with a microphone is a lot harder than singing on my own or on YouTube. It really shows you when you are holding back. I did OK, but many people told me afterwards just how much they enjoyed my singing. I wish I could have done a different song called There Can Be Miracles When You Believe from the animated move The Prince of Egypt. I thought that song was more fitting because the theme of people being enslaved by the Pharaohs seemed a lot like today’s people being enslaved by the Illuminati with their pyramids and their all-seeing eye as their symbol. It reminded me of how much work it takes for people to be free. Perhaps that story was a future prophecy of things to come. It convinces me again that time seems to be a loop, but how many time must the spiral loop before it changes?
As for my conference, I was not sure how my talk went. I felt it was like a verbal Picasso speech, but when it was done I got lots of applause! The host rushed up the stage and grabbed my hands with his sweaty hands, saying things I didn’t understand because my translator had vanished. When he released my hands, I quickly wiped them on my pants and shirt—anywhere I could. The audience was laughing, and the host was not sure what was so funny. “Maybe they finally got some of my jokes?” he must have thought. I guess he will figure it out when he watches the video.
I got many nice compliments afterwards, but the one that stood out the most was from the doorman who has heard many conferences there for many years. He wanted to know where I went to school and got my university degree. He said he had never heard such a fine speaker before, and perhaps I should consider running for president! It was a nice confirmation and reminder to me that I can be too hard on myself when it comes to public speaking. I titled this particular talk “Co-created with God.” It was important for people to know that although God could do everything, he does not. God makes sure that we all share the load so we can learn what it means to be a creator and how to do it in harmony. I also spoke about Anastasia and some of my projects, throwing in some new topics in with my previous themes.
Speaking of Anastasia, a woman shared how reading the books confirmed to her some feelings she had about not wanting to have sex unless she and her husband felt a baby’s soul knocking on their door. In the last blog, I wrote about how some people were turned off when Anastasia suggested we try having sex only for this reason. I thought it would be neat to see if someone tried this because I was curious to see if their children be different. If one tried it this way, would the family be closer and all the things that Anastasia said would happen? In speaking to Dad about the Pleiadians and their lifestyle, he shared about their only having sex when they wanted to have a child, so I found it interesting that it matched Anastasia’s views. I am not necessarily suggesting Anastasia is a Pleiadian, just that there is a similarity.
Anyway, back to the story of this woman. She told me she had three kids. The first two she had the way most people do. Well before the third one she had lost her desire for sex, but when the baby came knocking, she told her husband, and sure enough there was a baby. I want to add that her husband is OK with her feeling this way, and though it is difficult, he is still supportive of her and her feelings. Hat’s off to these two for accomplishing such a thing. It is no easy task. In fact, to many it could be seen as Mission Impossible.
The child they had this way is very different from her other two. He is gentler and not one to get into fights. The other kids were more aggressive and more prone to fighting, but their youngest brother was more of a peacekeeper. He seemed to be very in tune with how Anastasia thinks. I was really happy this woman contacted me and told me all this because now I know there is a major difference. This conversation brought up within me the idea that it would be really wonderful to be a midwife to help bring souls into the world. It would be a real honor, but this is just a thought, and I need to further explore this to see if it is right for me. I most likely would have to study, and I have never been keen on studying or going to school for anything.
25. Odds and Ends
Before leaving for this trip, I was not sure if I would have to go through the TSA scans. Who knew if they were mandatory at the Canadian and European borders? For those of you who are concerned about these scans, I found this fantastic article about them called How to opt out of the TSA’s naked body scanners at the airport. Also watch this skit from Saturday Night Live. These scans are so dangerous that even the security people working with them are getting sick and suing the airports. This reminds me of the swine flu vaccines when it was discovered how unsafe they were and then everything got thwarted. I am unsure how long these scans will continue, and I have to agree with this writer’s conclusions.
And speaking of thwarted, there is also a fascinating article I came across about a guy who has created some wonderful technology that is proving successful in cleaning and healing the Gulf of Mexico and all animals in it.
There was also the issue of the Codex bill looming over our heads yet again to interfere with the right to have organic foods or holistic medicine and regulate our home-grown foods sold for commercial value. People have been paying close attention to these bills, trying to see what burdensome rules are inside them and how things are worded so it can slip by without us even seeing them. As hard as the people worked to stop these bills from being implemented in Canada the USA and Europe, it was to no avail. They still went through but with some slight changes at the last minute. I know this has happened for the US and Canada, but Europe I am not sure about.
The major target issue was about regulating and tracking more of the smaller organic food producers under the guise of promoting food safety and “food security.” (Notice how everything has to be turned into a security issue?) People are so upset about losing their rights to this. I have heard them say, “It seems like no matter what we do or how many times we try to stop it, if they want to push their way in regardless of how we feel, they always find a loophole or a way to do it in secret. Then we hear about it the next day in the news.”
It’s interesting how concerned they are with organic food and how dedicated they are control the food and make sure everyone is getting a good dose of mutated GMO foods. They are taking extra special focus and control of anything labeled organic, and they are making sure we will be getting an extra amount of poison, a special “Happy New Year” from Monsanto. It seems our best option now is to grow our own organic foods for ourselves, but what chance do we have of growing healthy food if the soil is depleted of minerals?
Our water is not the best either, and then there is all the barium and aluminum they are spraying on us and our crops. But despite it all, people are always finding a way to fight back either with deep intent or organite and so much more. Why I am sharing this right now with you? I never share just bleak things without also talking about hope. There is an interesting thing I learned about these bills that will give people hope.
Why is it called a bill? After we have a meal at a restaurant, we say “Bill, please!” Yes, this bill is the exact same thing. This is why when we write petitions and letters to our government—to not let such bills go through, and then they are ignored. They do not tell us that these bills have a price, and if we want to stop them we have to pay them. But what good is this when they can come up with any bill at anytime about anything and we are forced to pay no matter how it upsets us?
Take reassurance, my dears. Many people are beginning to understand how the system works. There are lots of good things and solutions going on behind the scenes as well as sinister things, and it is not so much about battling as canceling the sinister things out. It is like a chess game. Do not let it upset you or fill you with despair to the point where you are made useless. There is always something we can do. We live in a world of infinite potential, so never stop exploring options even if they seem intangible. We can make the intangible tangible. Remember that imagination is more important than knowledge. We must imagine and visualize our freedom so we can develop concrete steps to bring it about.
Moving on to other topics, very soon now, maybe after the holidays, Goose and I are looking forward to returning to BC. We plan on driving back, taking it nice and slowly because it might be snowing. It could take us a week or longer to get back. We just have to take care of a few more things before we head back.
I made another video interview with a woman named Gail Blackman, who is working on a program called “Wise Teens.” I really felt compelled to because it coincided with some projects I had in mind. I was really thrilled that this was geared towards thought and emotion management for teens, thus preventing things like depression and other self-destructive tendencies—not to mention just having a better handle on self and feeling more fulfilled inside rather than reacting all the time.
She also has some wonderful exercises, meditations, and visualizations to help people achieve certain things within. This is not something I can do because I have been doing it so long there is no process for me, but some people need steps spelled out for them, so I felt this program was really fitting. She also applies her techniques and understanding to wise parenting, wise partnering, and even wise pets. Most of these are covered in the YouTube interview. I hope you find it helpful.
I also soon will have some interviews coming out with Christie from Truth Brigade Radio. She once interviewed me, and now I want to interview her and get an update on her children. Also, I will be doing a video where I interview Aaron McCollum. Aaron is probably best known for his interviews on Project Camelot regarding “Operation Stargate” in the Gulf of Aden, but he is also a fearless lightworker who is working hard to get the truth out there. I also want to do an interview with George Kavassilas, whom I find quite fascinating. I have watched some of his videos, and there are some things I am not fully understanding or jiving with, like his saying the Earth will become a star during the ascension. In one interview he says that we should not get on any spaceships of any kind, and then later he says when the shift happens and the disasters occur, it will not be scary or bad because we will not be on the planet; instead, we will be in spaceships above watching this happen. So you can understand why I want to clarify his message.
I also want to interview Goose on YouTube when he is ready. I would love for all of you meet him in this way. Most of my friends and soul family who meet him really connect with him and are blown away how he can never run out of things to say. He is just a walking encyclopedia of fascinating information.
26. My Relationship with Goose
Well my friends, it is nearing the time for me to close this blog. Before I go, I wanted to share some more about my relationship with Goose.
I remember when I first met Goose. He was involved in projects with the Sovereign Squamish Nation Government with Irene-Maus:Gravenhorst and Mr. Siyam Kiapilanoq Capilano himself. For me, that work proposed a hypothesis: could what they are doing be something that can free people from the matrix? But what does that look like? How is such a thing done? What needs to be done in order for such a thing to occur? We cannot call ourselves sovereign if we think our land is free from the Crown but still use their debt notes and play around in their jurisdiction. Is this the best way for the people? What about creditors and commerce? How does one raise a child who is not registered in the system and doesn’t have a legal name given in all capitalized letters? In order do such a thing, one must be able to have so many bases covered plans for medical or accidents without the system: grocery, currency, driving licenses, gas, hydro, etc. There is still so much here that is not figured out and does not seem to be going anywhere.
What if I could learn about these things from Goose? What if by choosing to be with him I could help so many? But at that time I was not in love in him, and I thought, “Could I do such a thing? Be with someone I did not love for the benefit of the world? Are people given these kinds of choices?” So here we have something being considered with the best intentions for others but not so much for oneself.
Let me give another example. There are many of us who want to help our loved ones by doing all the work so they can get by. However, in the long run, the very people they help now become totally dependent on them. If that one person stops working because something happens to them, then the others do not know what to do or how to take care of themselves. Such a path is not the wise. There is such a thing as being too selfless, and it is not a good thing. We should also consider ourselves but in a way that is balanced. We need to consider how various outcomes can manifest, as in chess, and play out everything in our heads and hearts first.
We do not think and feel things out thoroughly enough with all the distractions of the world. Our deep thoughts and choices are constantly being interrupted. Or perhaps we think we have no choice. We have to be a martyr, and maybe one day they will realize the sacrifice we made for them? All happiness must be considered, and this was a test. It comes back to something I shared with you guys before: my success will be everyone’s success, and all of your successes will be mine. That way, no one is left out in the joy and fulfillment factor, and I am happy to see that this is exactly what is occurring now. New speakers are coming forward, and the old speakers are still making waves in this world.
We all helped with this. I gave my piece to this world, even if it was a Project Camelot interview that I can never duplicate again. As tough as Kerry was, she drew things out of me like no one else before, so there was some good synergy there. I no longer think I must be as good as my first interview or I must now try to top it or top my interview with Andrew Basiago. It is really more about opening doors for others to share, and sharing are they ever!
It is funny how things changed with Goose and me. At one time we pretended to be boyfriend and girlfriend in order to get a new rental home. I have come clean with my landlord about this and she understands. She is one cool landlady. With Goose and I pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend came the thought “Why not give it a try?” That thought went from “Never” to “OK, let’s give it a go.”
Where will it go? Will it work? That remains to be seen. We are still very different people with very different values, and though we know this, the question is how big of an issue is that for us. This is where we stand today. I know where my heart’s allegiance lies, and that is a priority for my decision because it is my decision, and I will have to live with it. I need to always be true to myself and my heart, and my partner must reflect this.
When it comes to my relationships, there should be no sacrifices or compromises or heart martyring.
Goose and I have been together for a little over a year now. He really grounds me—sometimes too much for my liking—but it is still good and needed, whether I am always able to admit that or not. We have been off and on a lot during our time together, and it always my choice, not his. It mainly has to do with miscommunication and a poor ability to interpret certain things that suddenly sends us into cactus mode. It is also very hard for me to fully commit to being in a long-term relationship. I have convinced myself that I am better off alone, and it is hard to shake this feeling. On the other hand, he has made up his mind to be fully committed. I really admire him for being like that, and I am really fascinated how he sees things. I am learning a good deal from him and his determination to make things work, but sometimes I wonder how one makes a square peg fit where it simply will not—no matter how hard one tries.
He is always there for me and is willing to work and grow with me. He has been very dedicated to helping others, even though he sometimes likes to speak more than listen, whereas I am just the opposite, which is good balance. We have a lot to learn from each other.
I am learning a lot about myself by being in a relationship. It is quite an experience, and it’s really nice and challenging—like nothing I have experienced before. He is very patient and understanding with me, which is important for me because I can be a rather timid, sensitive, and very emotional creature.
There is a lot of love in our heart houses. He has learned to appreciate Jewel, and I have learned to understand and appreciate his music too. When people ask Jewel why she chose Ty as her life partner when it is clear he the opposite of her and not a sensitive poet, she said he keeps her grounded, and he is a stand-out guy in world full of flakes. This tells me she likes the challenge as well. But this is not about changing our partners but complementing their ways with our ways and understanding each other more.
I think I might write a blog just on relationships sometime in hopes that it will benefit others. For example, I am learning about not losing yourself in a relationship to your partner’s way of being, or about those age old frustrations like “he is not listening to me,” “she is making a big deal out of nothing,” “she is overreacting,” “he is no longer romantic,” “she is self-centered and does not appreciate me,” etc. All these things come up after being in a relationship for a while. I have said these things, and he has said these things too. I know many others have struggled with the very same thing. So what do we do about it? How do we keep the spark in a relationship? How do we not fall into the same patterns and frustrations? Are we with the wrong partner, or are we just misunderstanding each other? Is our approach is all wrong? What do we need to learn?
I really feel that the time of people’s loneliness and separation from their partners is coming to an end. Now everyone will find their love, and the seeds of self-sustaining love will be sown into the planet. When I had this thought, I asked my soul others were getting the same feeling as me, and I got my confirmation in a lovely interview I found of George Kavassilas’s wife, Cynthia.
27. Adieu for Now
Well friends, it is time for me to go. I’ve got to work on part 6 of my next 2012 video series. I am thinking I will call this one “2012: Delve into our Soul Archeology.”
Have a Happy Leprechaunmas! If you are true to yourself, you will find that the things you love to do most are your lucky charms, and with that understanding you find the gold within. Have a Happy Every Year too! Let’s see how this game plays out in the years to come with the Mayan calendar and shifting, shifty activity.
I will leave you with a response that Audrey Hepburn gave when she was asked about her beauty regime.
Warm embrace laced in grace.
Thank-you for being you.
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.