Jessica Schab

Bali Blog Series


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 Chapter 1 Clear!

                                                                                     Aloha, my dear Ohana! (Hello, my dear family!) Thank-you for all the good comforting vibes while I had my pit stop in “downtown” that made me feel like the pits. Perhaps I was in the armpit part of  town.

I want you to know that I feel you all very strongly. I am very sensitive to these things, and sometimes I can even pick up your individual energy imprint. When you guys feel me or write to me, I can start recognizing and distinguishing who you are and what you’re sending–your core soul intent. Just because I have lots of people contacting me, don’t think I don’t know about you and what you are feeling.

To feel you is to get acquainted with other aspects of myself. After all, don’t we all mirror each other in ways we aren’t aware of in ourselves? (I have read that Jewel is able to do the same thing when she is up on stage. I posted that article called “Fame” on my for-OM in the Jewel Songs section. I highly recommend you check it out. You will know why I am so keen about Jewel when you read it.)

This is also the same case for me when I travel. If this planet is a macrocosm version of my body, then travelling all over the world is like travelling to different parts of my body. For example, let’s say that my toes on my left foot are the Hawaiian Islands. If my all but my toes are submerged in the tub, then they would look like islands. I would then focus on my toes, one toe at a time, like what one would do for a healing meditation. I am very grateful to my toes and to Hawaii for all that they have done for me, for all the things they do that I never thought about before.

When I first arrived in Hawaii, I took a deep breath and savoured the sweet smell of paradise. I wish they could bottle that smell. I would marinate myself that smell any day. I lounged on the grass and felt the pulsation of Mother Earth. I felt that she was overwhelmed with all the tumultuous energy and pain she has been taking on for the collective, and it made her pulse rather weak.

So I had the idea to imagine my heart palpitations acting as a defibrillator. Laying down on my stummy (stomach-tummy), I silently yelled “CLEAR!” Then I went on and said, “Oh Mother Earth, please hold tight as humanity and I awaken. We are becoming CLEAR-er, and clarity will soon no longer be just a mere/mirror rarity. We are becoming CLEAR like how your waters ought to be in the liquid in my eyes, which helps me see this reality. To be CLEAR is to have the ability to go beyond fear.”

I just kept saying things like this until I felt the pulse more strongly from Mother Earth. Her pulse was beating in a language of the heart, something like Morris code. I heard her say “thank-you.”  She was receptive, and I was not losing her after all. Then she came back and clarified that it was I who had really come back. (I think I will turn what you just read into a poem called “CLEAR.”)

Chapter 2 Operation Make Mom Smile 

Welcome back! I went from spacing out to spacing in and becoming aware of my family taking in their surroundings. My mom is all about the flowers. The whole trip I heard her say, “Look at this one! Look at that one!” For this trip, I had one sole mission, and that was to get an organic smile from Momma Bear, and it would be even better if I could capture it on camera.  I asked Mom, “Aren’t you happy you came here? Aren’t you having a wonderful time?” 

She responded by saying, “It would be so much better if your dad was around to enjoy it with me.” This statement broke my heart. I felt that maybe I could never make her happy because I am not my dad. 

No, I did not let this deter me. I was determined to get her out of her sadness shell, so I went with the big guns first. I arranged for my mom and brother to swim with the dolphins. I did this in Mexico, and I knew just how awesome it would be for them. Memories like that last a lifetime. When you’re on your deathbed thinking about all the cool things you have done, swimming with dolphins will come to mind. This is what Mom needed—to feel like she has really lived.  

OK, back the dolphins. Not only did they get play with and hug the dolphins, they also got to hold onto two dolphins—one hand on each dorsal fin—and get spun around. Then each dolphin goes under one foot and launches you into midair. If you have not done this, I recommend you try it. Because my camera died, I went and bought a DVD so I could later pause the video and take pictures off the screen. That is the same way I got my dolphin pictures on facebook. They charge way too much for pictures.

Chapter 3 What the Heck is a Whalphin?    

After that, we went and checked out the whalphin. No, I did not spell it wrong. A whalphin came about when they put a whale and dolphin in the tank and found that they mated. The father is a killer whale, and the mother is a bottlenose dolphin. The baby is all gray like his mother, but he has the mouth and jaw of his father. He even has his daddy’s body! Normally, crossbreeds do not last long, but this one is doing just fine.

Chapter 4 Sharking Connection

Near the end of our trip to Sea World, while waiting for the bus, I sat in front of this huge aquarium watching the sea life. I had this idea to try to speak telepathically with the creatures. Neither pictures nor words were effective with them, but certain colors were. For example, the manta rays responded to the color pink projected with a Care Bear stare.  

The sea turtles responded to metallic blue, and the whitetip sharks really responded to golden light being beamed to their pineal gland and nose, especially if I added feelings of love and appreciation. I felt like a scientist in lab finding which combination of color and feeling was most effective, or perhaps like an artist exploring colors on my psychic canvas for each kind of sea creature.  

When I was able to perfect my technique, I called my mom and brother and said, “Hey, watch this!” I called the sharks to circle again and again in front of us, and then they would go away. Mom was a skeptic, so she said “Call them again and make them circle three times.”  She watched with amazement as they did just that! If my camera had not died during the dolphin swim, I would have taken pictures of my beloved sharks.  They are very smart and are willing to communicate with us if we take the time to do so and are allow our imaginations to shine forth.

Chapter 5 How a Little Light Saved the Day

That night, we spoke with our couchsurfing host about how we really wanted to do something that most tourists would not get to do. So he drove us to a jungle late at night and had us do this crazy three mile trek where it was very muddy and wet and oh so dark. We each had a little flashlight to guide us through the unknown. 

This took me back to the time when I was in Australia, and we were hiking to this waterfall in the late afternoon. On the way back, it started to get dark very fast, and we had no light to help us make it back, only a cell phone. If one went the wrong way, which I did a few times, one could easily step off a cliff. To make matters worse, there were lots of snakes and spiders in the area. 

Back at our Hawaii trek, Mom did her best to keep up, but when we started to cross streams and ravines, she called for the men to come and help her. Eventually, they had to piggyback her. Being independent and stubborn, I was determined to do this military training hike on my own with no help from the guys. I kept telling myself, “I am a tough chick. I can hold my own.” 

When we got to our destination, we found ourselves at the most gorgeous waterfall. Even though we could not see it in the dark, we found the sound of running water so inviting, so we all went for a swim and dove off the cliffs. I got Mom to go in a little bit, but she was not very confident in her swimming skills, which was silly as we would not let her drown.  

When we were refreshed, we started hiking back. About halfway through the hike, our flashlight batteries started to die. The lights got dimmer and dimmer. Was there nothing that would save us? The boys were hesitant to show it, but then they pulled it out. It might have been small and hot pink, but damn, it saved our butts! And that, my dear ones, is the story how a Hannah Montana flashlight saved the day. 

Chapter 6 The Bravest of All

In all, the trip was pretty good. We went snorkeling and boogey boarding. I tried to get Mom to do these, but she did not feel comfortable. The sea was rough, and it could really work you. She stayed on the beach and watched us instead, which was not cool. I really wanted to her to experience these things and get over her silly fears. There is nothing scary about snorkelling and boogey boarding. 

I’m reminded of the time I told her I wanted to bungee jump, and she went on and on about how dangerous it was and how she would never do it–that is, until I took Mom and Steve to Nanaimo Tree-Go. There we had to do this intense obstacle course high up in the trees complete with zip lines and some bungee jumping. It was just going to be Steve and me doing it, but Mom changed her mind and wanted to do it, so I let them both go. I only had enough money for two to bungee. I knew one day I would get another chance to bungee jump, but my mom might not.  

So back in Hawaii, I was surprised again when Mom said that she was open to scuba diving. It did not bother her at all that we had to sign paperwork about death and dismemberment. 

The funny thing is, I am the brave one in the family. I will do stuff that most of them will not do, but it was my mom who did the best with scuba diving. Steve did not last long because he felt a lot of pressure in his ears and had a real hard time equalizing. I did not do that well because I was motion sick from the boat ride. Plus, I got really scared when the water filled up my mask and burned my eyes and I had a real hard time getting it out. 

If water gets in my nose, I get very nervous because I drowned once in a past life in a well. In this life, when I go under water, I have this ability to plug my nose sealed with my top lip. This is because my sister pushed me down the stairs when I was really young. If it were not for that, I would have spent the rest of my life swimming with one hand and the other hand plugging my nose. This is how I failed yellow, the most basic of basic swimming classes. I have some pictures on facebook of me plugging my nose with my top lip. It is most attractive. 

Even though I was not feeling well, I still wanted to do the second dive so I could make the most of this opportunity. I am a certified diver (I got certified in Mexico when I was working on the cruise ships), yet somehow I was still nervous when I made the dive. This time, I saw lots of black and white spotted eels. I was able to speak to one of the eels and learned that the eels’ home planet does not have much water. They chose this form so they could experience an existence as a water creature. After that conversation, I had to return to the ship. 

Mom went down 30 feet and did very well. She was not nervous at all and had a blast. I was very proud of her!

Chapter 7 GI Joe and the Cobra 

When we went home, my brother and I spotted this alcohol drink that had a scary snake in it—a cobra. My brother dared me to try it with him. 

Now I do not drink at all. Alcoholic drinks are nasty to me, plus it is sick to think about how much money is spent on this stuff. There is such an effort to keep humanity in a drunken stupor. Also, as a girl, I have to keep my smarts/wits about me at all times, for we live in a world where a pick up line is, “Eh, can I buy you a drink?” in hopes of having a “rock the casaba” ride with you and your pride. I refuse to be someone’s distraction or coming attraction. I would much rather be unconditional love in action. 

But this situation was not about getting drunk; it was about just trying this one drink. I took the smallest sip, and that was enough. That had to be the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted! I think the cobra was floating in straight whiskey. 

Chapter 8 GI Joe’s Diving Training 

Later that night when our couch surfing host came home, we told him about our diving adventures, and he did not think our diving fears were such a big deal because he is a GI-Joe. The diving training for GI Joes and soldja boys is far more intense and scary than we could fathom. 

He said they take you about 80 feet down and then have a bunch of men beat the snot out of you. They take off all your diving equipment and expect you to remain calm and put all the equipment back together. Can you just imagine? He said he even vomited under the water, and a bunch of fish swarmed around him and ate all his vomit. 

The next part of the training is to take your equipment off and let yourself drown. They call it “meeting the wizard.” He says when you’re starting to drown, your vision goes honeycomb-like. Everything is octagons and surreal, yet hazy. There is this static sound like when you play with the dials of a radio station, and then you go into a dream. 

After that, they pull you out of the water and help you to come to, and then they ask you to go into the water again. If you do not go, you fail. Joe, our couch surfing host, went right back in the water and passed. He was trained to be fearless about drowning. The fact that he described death like going into another dream was really fascinating. Is this how it is? Do we go from one dream hologram identity to another? Do we really awaken at some point? Are we out of our mind or out of our body? Are we like artists of life with a blank canvas where we dream of all the possibilities before we actually paint? 

 Chapter 9 Joe’s Background 

Joe’s life story was a sad one. He grew up in a trailer park in California, and all his life he was told he was white trash. His mother drove him to a friend’s place and never came back for him. They just abandoned him there. 

He was determined to have self-worth, so he joined the army and he pushed himself to be good at everything. The army made him into a leader and made him super-tough, but he also became like a jaded machine without any humanity. How many people does this happen to? The army is an obvious easy choice. You’re provided with money and all you could need and want, plus all the adventures. You will be a hero trained to shoot first and ask questions later. 

Joe excelled in that environment. They had him travel to 70 countries in just a few years. He had saved currency from all the places he had been. Now he works as a high-ranking meteorologist, and at age 30 he will be able to retire in 6 years. 

I find all this very sad. I think if we are aware of the pattern, then we can get past it. It just seems that if people are kept repressed and in poverty, then they grow up battling that mentality and self talk that says, “Look where you came from. You’re no good. Come, join the military. We are the solution. We will take care of you.” 

But do they really? They tend to not care about the environment, and they assume that the world will always be a bad place. It is their job to protect people from the monsters, but they do so by feeding their inner monster. Joe told me, “It is pointless to eat right because we are all going to hell in a hand basket.” 

When I was told that “the world is bad, and that is just how it is,” I refused to buy it. The world is not bad; we are just very backwards about the way we do things and that allows our backwards attitudes to continue. We are now so used to pain and being numb that we think it is normal. People never stop to think that if we are repeatedly doing something wrong, maybe we should find the root and correct it. Maybe there is something purposely leading us to self-sabotage and pain. And they tell me I am dyslexic! How backwards is that! My friends, if you wish to make sense of this world, just stand on your head. 

People are willing to die to defend this painful way of living, thinking that it is the best way to be, that it is not perfect but at least it works. Then their trigger hits them like lightning, and the way they see themselves and the world is forever altered. 

I am sure that this will happen to GI Joe’s worldview as well. I saw subtle changes in his attitudes begin to surface, but it was not my place to say anything. I prefer to work indirectly with his guides. He first needs to get everything he can out of his military experiences and roles. Then he needs to understand that all his GI Joe brainwashing did not really make him into the real American hero he signed up to be. Only when he truly grasps that insight can he cut the cord.

Chapter 10 Octavious

The next day, Joe took us to this secret local beach area where big turtles come to the shore to breach. It was pretty neat swimming next to them. I met some locals who were also swimming in that water, and they said, “Where there are turtles, there are sharks. In fact, last night we pulled an 8 footer out of this very spot.” 

Then the locals invited my family and me to join their barbecue, and they showed me the picture of the shark they caught the night before. We then went for a walk along the tide pools. The locals caught a really pretty baby leopard octopus, and this little guy was very scared because he knew his fate. To the locals, octopus is a special treat. 

I held the little octopus, trying to comfort it. He suctioned to me and would not let go, as if he knew I wanted to save him. It actually was very hard to get the octopus off my hand. Man, do they have powerful suctions! They put him in a white bucket, and he turned white as well to match the bucket, which was a defence tactic. In the wild, it would have worked. His predators would not see him, and he would get away. He was like a chameleon octopus and was very sensitive and timid. 

I learned that he was a collector octopus. A collector octopus is what inspired The Little Mermaid writers to make her into a collector of human trinkets. A collector octopus does this in real life. They have all kinds of human things in their undersea grottos. This animal species is fascinated with the human world, and they learn lots about us through psychometry. (Psychics with this gift can just hold an item from a person and pick up their energies and know all about them. It is an incredible psychic ability to sense through touch an object’s past, present and future.) 

I am sad to report that I could not save little Octavious. Our hosts invited us to be with their family to have a barbecue and show us around, and not to eat their local delicacies would be considered rude. 

I send my love to little Octavious. I hope he is in the loveliest grotto with the human treasures he would most be fond of. 

Chapter 11 Shark Cave Legend

We then did another trek that no one really wanted to do because it was so hot outside, but it was here we learned more about Hawaiian myths and legends. We passed a cave known as Shark Cave that no one dares go into. The Hawaiians say that this is a very deep and extensive cave where half-human, half-shark people live. Everyone respects that area. Half-human and half-shark—I seem to remember a short-lived cartoon and accompanying set of action figures called Street Sharks, and they had the same characteristics. (In that show, I recall that rather than them saying “awesome,” they would say “jawsome,” and they would insult the villain by calling him “bacteria brain.” Oh, the 1980s cartoons and their corny humor!)

Anyway, they say that sometimes these beings can walk around like normal people, but by night they have to return to the cave because they turn back into sharks.  This almost sounds like werewolves. I take legends seriously. There is so much more going on than what first appears. This story seems to be about shape-shifting, and when one understands the hologram, then one can take any form. It is just like when one knows how to draw, one can then draw whatever one wants and can even make up creatures. I would like to learn more about these Hawaiian legends. 

Here is another interesting parallel. I recall from my previous life in Atlantis that some Atlantians were able to turn themselves into whales and dolphins and watch over us from the sea. So could it be that some people have always been able to change themselves into sharks? And is it possible that dolphins can turn back into human form and walk on our land like some mer-folk could do. Do you see the parallels?

Chapter 12 Botanical Garden

My mom really wanted to go to the botanical garden. I think Steve was a little bored, but he understood that the garden was important to Mom, so he was on the lookout for something exciting to do there. Mom spotted this breadfruit tree and wanted me to climb it to get her a fruit. Steve eagerly boosted me up the tree, although it felt more like a launching. I grabbed onto the fruit for dear life, and when it released its hold from the vine, I fell on my butt with a loud thud

The fruit turned out to be unripe. It started oozing this white, stinky, sticky, itchy stuff that I accidentally got on my skin. I could find no relief except to roll on the grass like some dog, and then everything that was on the ground was now stuck to me. 

It was at this inopportune time that a kindergarten class on a field trip came by and starting laughing at me. When I started to feel a little better, Steve appeared out of nowhere with this red pepper. He said, “Hey Sister, let’s both have a bite of this pepper.” 

When I bit into the pepper, my tongue was greeted by spicy blast raised to the power of 10. I went running around screaming, “Watha! Watha! I need watha!” But alas, there was no water to be found. And then, as if on cue, in came the kindergarten kids. 

I proceeded to talk to them with my tongue out the whole time. “Thon’t eet th’a wad, bahies! Tha’ spicey!” Again, the kids looked at me and laughed. In the corner of my eye I saw Steve chugging water all to himself. I ran up to him, trying to get just one drop from him, but alas, he was too tall, lousy giraffe child. Then after watching me go nuts a bit longer, he pulled out a bottle of juice for me. 

Chapter 13 The Almost Rainbow Child

I spent a lot of time surfing in the bright sun. I guess I did not reapply sun block frequently enough at the beach because after a day of surfing and waiting for the perfect wave and even teaching Steve to surf, I ended up burning. I burned the worst on my nose. 

I recall while I was watching the scuba video, I started picking my nose, by which I mean removing the dead dry skin on top of my nose, just to clarify, lol. Well, days later I did not know how red my nose was. Oh guys, I could have helped navigate planes in for landing at night with this sucker, or put Rudolph to shame. 

Now one of the things I like to do for fun is turn off men. Sometimes it gets annoying to have guys making cat calls at me, and well, I like to mess with the status quo. Or maybe I am trying to see who is about unconditional love/like (who is going to like/love you no matter what). So if I am walking by a construction site, and I know they have all stopped work to hoot and holler, I usually respond by picking my nose. (This time I really mean picking my nose). 

My mom has told me her own stories about how much effort she put into turning off other men when she was married. She would say, “It is funny. They do not care if you tell them you’re married or have 5 kids. You have to say something really outlandish–like you have AIDS–to make them bail out.” 

So that being said, to turn off guys when I want to is fun, when it is on purpose, but with my red nose it was not on purpose. People were pointing and staring. I thought it was because I had a red nose. Nope. I was rubbing it all day, and my fingers were dirty, so I ended up now having a black nose. 

At the botanical garden, there were so many alluring flowers that enticed me that I took a whiff of many of them. I did not know that I was walking around with a bright yellow nose. My nose was tender, and it would pick up more pollen than usual and make it look like someone painted my nose. 

I believe it was later that night that we went home to get ready to go out to eat at the Cheese Cake Factory for Steve’s 17th birthday. I felt, well we had an hour, so I could get some journaling in. Somehow I managed to get some blue ink on my fingers, which I did not know, and then I started to rub my nose. The ink ended up turning my nose freaking blue. 

After that, I vowed to not touch my nose at all, but for me it tends to be an unconscious thing. I turned to my mom for help and said, “Please think of something to help me and my poor nose.” She went out and bought aloe vera, which turned my nose green.  At that point, I sighed, “I guess I am destined to have an almost-rainbow nose.” 

My family found it so funny that they never bothered to tell me my nose had changed color. I am always the one who does not care about appearances. I rarely look at the mirror, so they knew this would be very amusing. If someone asks me to describe my life to them, I think I will tell them it is like the I Love Lucy show meets The Twilight Zone.

Chapter 14 Lu’au and Mission Poi Possible

For our last day, we went down to the North Shore and drove by the areas where they shot the shows Lost and 50 First Dates and Jurassic Park. We were on the way to the Polynesian Culture Center. We went on a canoe ride and learned how to do various types of traditional Hawaiian dancing. Well, my mom did. I have absolutely no rhythm. I tend to dance to my own beat in my head, and it tends to be a lot faster than the one outside of me.  

So I sat down and watched as my mom was in her glory. She was the best dancer up there and looked so beautiful. Steve was busy picking up girls now that Mom was distracted and could not embarrass him. Like any normal 17 year old male, he seized the moment. 

We then learned how to make a fire and bake coconut bread. Then we learned how to extract milk from a coconut. We even learned how to climb a coconut tree! Coconut tree climbing is very dangerous. Well, just being near a coconut tree is a risk because if a coconut hits you on the noggin, you are pretty much done for. We never got to actually climb the coconut tree ourselves, just watch the professionals do it. 

After that, we ate at the Lu’au. I thought I was being clever, having been to Hawaii once before and eating this nasty stuff called poi. I thought I would get my family back for not telling me about my chameleon nose.  I got a big portion of poi and handed it to my family, telling them how amazingly delicious it was and how they just had to try it. I set it on the table and then went to get another helping of food for myself. I said, “Wait a second. I will be right back.” 

When I returned, they said, “You are right, Jess. This poi is delicious. Did you know they changed it here to make it even better?” 

I was like, “Really?” And then I said, “Let me try.” So I took a big spoonful in my mouth and immediately spit it out. They got me again! They said how they tried a tiny bit when I left, and then they cooked up the plan to turn it all around on me. I can still taste that nasty poi to this day. I cannot believe I fell for that trick. 

We ended our night there with this incredible dance show. My mom loved every minute, and Steve was mesmerized at how the girls could move their hips like that. I was just happy that both Mom and Steve were so happy. I also managed to get some really incredible organic smile and laughter shots from my mom, so I can say I accomplished my mission!  

Chapter 15 Radio Interviews 

It was hard to return to Canadian weather. It was so cold and rainy the first couple days back, so I spent them in my winter muumuu watching Lilo and Stitch, Blue Crush, Blue Hawaii, Futurama, and the new South Park episode the one called “Margaritaville.” My guides tend to really like those shows. In a Futurama episode called the “The Deep South,” about half way through the episode, they do the song “Atlantis,” performed by Donovan. That same song is played at the end of The Legend of Atlantis: It’s Time to Wake Up videos I was telling you about. I will also put a link to them in my for-OM. I am wondering, had Matt Groening (who is also a Freemason) seen those videos, and was he subtly hinting it to us? 

Also, right when we got back, Mom got hit with a really big bad headache and was out for a few days. This time we tried oil pulling. When she got better, she started to plan her next trip. Since this trip, she has changed. She is now more happy and hopeful and knows that happiness is possible without Dad. She now wants to travel on her own. 

Not long after I returned, I had a radio interview with James Gilliland. This interview was real easy and relaxed. I get a little annoyed when I have to repeat all the time. Some day, I would very much like to forego repetition to go into rumination. I have to repeat for all the new people listening who have not heard my message before, yet at the same time I want to dispense new information for the ones who listen to all my interviews. It is a fine line, and I am learning how to do this. James asked if he could have me on the show again and invited me to his UFO ranch

I also came back to find my radio interview with Zany Mystic up on YouTube and getting really good comments. Here is the link, but it will soon be on my website. I recall being so nervous and then very hyper during this interview, but it went rather well, and I am proud of myself. 

Chapter 16 Sedona 

I got a letter from Miriam Delicado, and I posted it up on my for-OM. It basically confirms my concerns and suspicion that this return of the ancestors gathering is disrespectful to the Hopi elders. The amount of money they are charging for the event is ridiculous and is exploitation, so she urges people not to attend. 

So with that being said, I had been thinking about going to Sedona for the elders’ gathering and my little crystal starseed meeting. Was this now going to happen? I contacted my friend out there I was going to stay with, and he seemed to be very concerned about the recession and paying his bills. 

Also, his new roommate has turned out to be his partner. The funny thing is, when I met him he felt that I was the one for him. I told him I was not the one for him. He said, “How do you know?” I said, “Because I was told about the woman coming to you and that I must not interfere. If you’re distracted and thinking about me, how will you even see or notice her? If you want, I could speed up the process of her coming into your life. I am being told it is about 6 months until she comes, but how about I make it 2 months?” He said, “That is even too long.” I said, “Please, work with me on this.” 

I knew that if I did this for him that I stood a high possibility of not being able to stay with him next time. Once they have their partner, they tend to forget about Jessica, which is a good thing, but not for me I guess. It is just that I have done this for many people. They allow me to work with them, and every time I do it the same thing happens. It is not about creating my reality with this thinking. It just makes sense. It just happens. When your friend is single, they have all the time in the world, and they make all kinds of plans with you. Then they get a partner, and suddenly they have no time for you. But this is not about me. I am a Modern Day Fairy Godmother. This is what I do. I help others learn to help themselves and then move on to the next person.
This has also been my way of steering clear as well. When I meet a guy who thinks I am the one, I jump into his eyes and into his soul and travel into all the probabilities. I come back usually knowing if it would work or not, and if I feel comfortable enough or feel he could fully fathom my being and allow me to be just that. If I do not feel it, then I immediately get their attention off me and help steer them to the one who is right for them, assuming that they take my direction and advice exactly.  

It is OK, though. I know that some of my friends get ticked at me because I tell them about all my plans and only half come to fruition. They say, “Jess, only tell me when it has already happened.” My friends tend to get disappointed when things do not work out.  But I do not care because I have so many plans. I am like my dad. If one does not work, then I move onto another. I share. That is what I do, and sometimes those thoughts or projects spark others to go and do it instead of me, and that is fine. I do not get mad at the path or the obstacles or even the process. I just trust it and go with whatever comes up.

I am guessing that I will not be able to do the star crystal child gathering in Sedona. Now this makes it a bit more complex because I may have other people who bought a ticket to Sedona hoping to meet me. Others rely on me now, so I have to be reliable or search for some way to make my plans work out regardless. But also they tend to be very understanding. If I say I cannot make it, then they are like, “OK, guess it was meant to be,” and they go and have an adventure on their own. But if I get a manager, I am sure these things will not happen as frequently. 

Today I got a call from my friend who bought their ticket to Sedona and is planning to bring their tent and camp out there. They offered me to stay with them in the tent, which I just might do because I do like roughing it, and I think this is how Miriam Delicado does it. Plus, I have a number of friends out there now who wrote to me and can’t wait until I return to Sedona. So I am thinking about winging it and maybe just going for 10 days, but if I do it will be rather last minute. I sure like this gypsy-in-the-wind lifestyle, though perhaps I might even do some busking just to say I did it. 

Will I still work with Akiane on the parenting of crystal kids documentary? Well, from what I hear, the family is going through a hard time and will not be open to doing projects until the summer. So what is the current telling me? A part of me would like to stay put for a bit and focus on a life here, or make some roots. I would like to start some projects here, but maybe it is not time for that yet. 

By the way, I am really enjoying all your letters. Rest assure, if you wrote to me on any of my mail modalities, you will get a response back from me. It just may not be as soon as I would like. Thank-you for your patience. Please know that Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind. You guys are like treasure to me, and I refuse to bury the treasure.  

Well, my dear ones, I have to go and do the dishes because the last time I forgot. I woke up the next morning to find all the dirty dishes from the night before placed in my bed. My mom has a clever way of getting her point across. There was a time when my dad would throw his clothes on the floor and he never picked up after himself, so she nailed his clothes to the floor. He never threw his clothes on the floor again. Then there was the time he had to do some work for this really attractive female client. Mom fixed him a special breakfast that had him farting profusely during his work with her. My dad came home to my mom more in love with her than ever. Sigh, now that’s amore. 

Thank-you for you being you.
Warm embrace laced in grace,


“If you can’t see love everywhere, you won’t find love anywhere.”

Author: Jessica Schab

Memoirs of a Former Mystic - Blogs I've written many blogs but the series about my time in Bali, Indonesia, when my radical changes took place, is what has garnered the most curiosity and acclaim. In it, I share everything about that process from beginning to end and in great detail, so that others can get to know me and better understand what I am about. My Bali Blog series is an exploration of my own personal confusion towards rational thinking that has helped myself and others to see our own cognitive dissonance. It exposes the many things that we hide from ourselves and why. ​I highly suggest to read the blogs in order, from part 1 to 5. Otherwise, it will be hard to understand the content. I myself am shocked to realize that I had no idea how conditioned and problematic my spiritual beliefs were until I wrote these blogs; how they affected every aspect of my life and created so many unnecessary problems, making me so afraid to even dare to think or imagine my life and who I was without them. I can see now the contradictions I had to want to understand, watching these elements fight within me, planting mine fields of self-destruction in my mind when I forced myself to think without spiritual beliefs that acted like a drug for me, often times taking over my mind and thinking for me. How could I get myself to stop protecting these beliefs? Such a question led me to understand why others are so keen to choose irrationality instead of logic when it comes to their ideologies. It's one of the many reasons that led to me speaking up about why I am so concerned about this movement and the dangers of these beliefs. I would describe my changes as a massive tidal wave; a tsunami sweeping me and everything I was familiar with away. I honestly do not think I would have made it had I not learned how to surf my psyche. You would think the tidal wave would be the worst of it, right? So did I. I can say it’s not the case. You can ask people who have experienced a massive tsunami or any natural disaster and they will tell you the worst part is actually the aftermath; dealing with the dramatic shift, and in my case the psychological changes. How does one go on after something like that? What next? It’s not like one can go back to how things used to be and forget it ever happened; the experience echoes in your bones. It’s futile and insane to rebuild the old and familiar in your psyche and to encourage former hopes and beliefs. Especially because it often is what beckoned and fuelled the tsunami to begin with. When you get to the root, you must start completely new so as not to recreate the past. ​Ha! Easier said than done! So, these blogs are also an invitation and challenge to detect what is confusion and what is fact. To have people ask themselves: Are my beliefs thinking for me? It becomes more apparent and easier to pinpoint and reduce one's conditioned thinking when one finishes the whole series in order. Then, one can see their own results on how they scored with detecting and exploring their own cognitive biases.​ Best of luck. ​Enjoy and please let me know what you think :-)

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